This week’s Waxing Off topic at Deadspin was… disturbing. And gross. And demeaning to the women asked to write about it. If you didn’t read it, here’s the email sent to the women asked to contribute:
Michael Phelps Slash Fiction.
The inspiration for this comes from two sources. First, this post, which is pure nightmare fuel. Then there’s this, about how Phelps is being pursued by Lindsay Lohan (equally terrifying). We’d like to follow things to their logical conclusion, and figure that you guys would be the best to do that. Make it read like an excerpt from a steamy, filthy book. Put Michael Phelps in the situation of your choosing … male on male, male on female, Phelps on llama … the aristocrats! Nothing is too over-the-top or depraved; it’s slash fiction. Let ‘er rip. Keep to 250-350 words, if possible. And don’t forget the short graph at the end about yourself, where you can plug your site and/or projects if you wish.
An odd item out of Clearwater in today’s Chester County Daily Local News:
As he walked off the field after six innings, [Cole] Hamels was greeted with a standing ovation from fans in the left field bleachers. A little over an hour earlier, the 24-year-old pitcher was being serenaded with a different kind of fan reaction.
“I had some great heckling in my bullpen, loved it,” said Hamels, who said both Rays and Phillies fans were yapping his way.
What are you trying to tell us, Colbert? That you like it when we say things like, “HEY HAMELS, NICE 12.60 ERA. AND YOU WANT ADAM EATON MONEY FOR THAT SHIT?!” and “DUDE, DID YOU GET YOUR HAIR HIGHLIGHTED IN THE OFF SEASON? WHAT THE HELL?!” and “I’VE SEEN YOUR WIFE’S COOTER!” OK, then. I’ll be sure to remember those gems for when I’m in Clearwater this weekend.
I saw this tiny item at the bottom of Paul Hagen’s Baseball Notes today:
Twins reliever Pat Neshek was dominant early last season, but had a 4.83 earned run average in the second half. He thinks the fade might have been caused by an unhealthy lifetsyle, so he’s become a vegan.
I couldn’t believe what I was reading, so I went to Neesh’s blog and sure enough, it’s true! From the March 13 entry:
The last time I ate a whopper jr. was in 2004…the article never gave a date but people might have thought I ate those things last year…not the case. I didn’t go Vegan to do better on the field or improve my game, the article makes it sound like I was looking for answers and this is what I came up with, not the case. I feel like the article was suppose to be about me getting stronger and how I struggled late last season and in some odd way the vegan thing got tied in. … For the most part of the season last year I was vegetarian (didn’t tell anyone) if I had the choice and when we were on the road I really didn’t have a choice and ate what the clubby had or whatever restaurant was close…who cares. This really isn’t new to me its just another step that I’m trying out. I’m not telling anyone to go out and go vegan, I’m not here to say this is the best thing in the world, as is everything I do on here I’m telling my story and shedding light into the life of a ballplayer…
Aside from the defensive tack he takes, this is a really cool news item. How many major league pitchers are vegans? Pat, you have to come to Citizens Bank Park–PETA says we have the best vegetarian ballpark food!
An article in today’s New York Times (sidebar: where Ladies BFFs and all around awesome dudes Enrico and Matt P of The 700 Level are holding down the fort this week at the Fifth Down blog) talks about the recruiting challenges faced by nonrevenue athletes and coaches.
It’s an enlightening read; the glamour sports, basketball and football, have changed the college sports recruiting landscape and now even nonrevenue athletes are approaching the process as aggressively a linebacker or a power forward would.
And now for something completely different: Hot shotputters.
NOM NOM NOM!
Um, I live 15 minutes from UDel. I think I need to start going to track and field events. You know, to see how UDel’s spending their scholarshop money.
Checking in with the Ladies’ Blue Jays in the Sporting News’ 1986: Take Two challenge, we find that despite a few recent struggles, the Ladies’ still remain first in the AL East with a record of 65-49. I also note with no little amusement that the Ladies are kicking the shit out of Curt Schilling’s Red Sox, who’re languishing in fourth with a record of 58-54.
I’m running this item because a) Tuesdays are my day, b) Mitchy Poo had a sweet, sweet ass in the ’90s and c) that photo still makes me smile.
An article in today’s Philadelphia Inquirer details Mitch “Wild Thing” Williams’ involvement in a CYO basketball game.
Wild Thing thought his daughter’s basketball team was getting jobbed, and “[t]he former Phillies hurler cursed at a female referee who was calling a basketball game in which his daughter, a fifth-grader, was playing for St. Mary of the Lakes against Our Lady of Good Counsel.”
People ask me what I do in winter when there’s no baseball. I’ll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and that’s certainly true for baseball fans who have to endure the long and lonely offseason that stretches through the cold, unending months of winter. But those dark days are officially behind us now: it’s P&C day, y’all.
It’s positively poetic that pitchers and catchers report on Valentine’s Day, because quite a few of the Ladies have ongoing torrid affairs with baseball. And let’s be honest- we’d much rather be treated to the boys of summer than yet another lame box of candy. So we’ve put together a few love letters to baseball – little Valentine’s treats for our favorite teams and players, and the game itself… all after the jump.