The Milwaukee Brewers open the NLDS at home this weekend, with games 1 and 2 on Saturday and Sunday. The #7 Wisconsin Badgers open Big Ten play Saturday night against newbies Nebraska and the defending National Champion Green Bay Packers take on Denver on Sunday.
Unless you live in Boston or New York, you’ve probably never experience the Happy Fan Dance that I’ve practically mastered in the past few days.
Sidney Crosby: Stanley Cup winner, Olympic gold medallist and cute and all, but call me when Gord Downie writes a song about him. (Getty Images)
Sports and music go together like nachos and beer, rum and coke, Maggiesox/CuteSports/Lady Bee and red wine (sensing a theme here?) With NHL playoff hockey fever running rampant around these parts, I started thinking about all the music I dig that references hockey. These songs have been running through my head at one point or another these last few weeks, so I thought I’d share them with you. No Stompin’ Tom this time around, but I assure you this list is 100% CANCON.
So on my commute home, I decided to play around on Twitter, where I stumbled across this gem. How to Get Your Girlfriend Into Sports.
Now, leaving aside that the obvious answer to this time-honored problem of being a sports nut partnered with someone who doesn’t enjoy the old athletic display is to just date someone who likes sports. God, men (and women) of the world, if sports are important enough that you have to condition your partner into liking them, FIND SOMEONE WHO ALREADY LIKES SPORTS. Your partner is not a puppy. Don’t train them like one. God.
Let’s address this nonsense point by point, shall we?
So if you’re following me on Twitter, you’ve discovered that I have a bit of an unhealthy obsession with figure skating. (Okay, okay, that’s like saying John Mayer has an obsession with saying spectacularly stupid things in public.)
Given that I hate most girly aspects of sports (pink anything and everything, Ladies Nights, and the existence of Alyssa Milano’s Touch line, to start) like burning, some of the other Ladies…were mildly confused when I started shrieking about toe loops and salchows. I mean, it’s figure skating, right? I should like manly things, like the biathlon and moguls. I should frown on feathers and sequins and Dick Button.
But here’s the thing. I love figure skating. I loooooooove figure skating.
A hitter plays every day and hits once every nine spots in his team’s lineup.
A pitcher plays every fifth day and faces all nine spots in the other team’s lineup.
For example:
Albert Pujols has had 21 plate appearances in the last five games. For the season, he averages 21.3 PAs per five games.
Tim Lincecum had 29 plate appearances against him in his most recent game. For the season, he averages 28.6 PAs against per game.
Joe Mauer has had 20 plate appearances in the last five days. For the season, he averages 22.1 PAs per five games.
Zack Greinke had 29 plate appearances against him in his most recent game. For the season, he averages 28.2 PAs against per game.
In case you haven’t noticed, the Dodgers just traded a PTBNL and cash for Jim Thome.
That’s right, the one and only
JI
JIM THOME.
They say he’ll be a bat off the bench, but I say they should just put him at first base and let him play. But that’s not even the point. The point is, THE HERO OF THE DUGOUT IS COMING TO MY TOWN. HE WILL SMASH TATERS THAT WILL GO LIKE THIS:
OFF THE BAT, OFF AN AIRPLANE, AIRPLANE EXPLODES, PASSENGER CLINGS TO BALL AS IT FALLS, PASSENGER FALLS TO DOOM, OUT OF THE STADIUM.
Or maybe even like this:
OFF THE BAT, THE BALL DISINTEGRATES, THE ATOMIC RESIDUE TRAVELS FAR FROM THIS MORTAL PLANE, REFORMS IN HEAVEN, OFF THE FACE OF OUR LORD, OUT OF THE STADIUM.
Suddenly, I care about the Dodgers again.
Today has officially been dubbed “Dead Day” at my work since we’re hurting for any type of live sporting event. Some of my coworkers have suggested having a sports-themed movie day, and that got me thinking about some of my favorite sports-centric movie characters. I polled the Ladies to see what movie characters they crushed on as teenyboppers (or as grown women – we don’t judge!).
Follow us after the jump to see our crush-worthy choices!
So I know we all get excited when baseball season is underway. We love watching our hotties play and our teams do well. For me, when my beloved Orioles start to suck again, it can be hard to devote my time to following the team. That is why I have come to love the mid-season call-up. Trust me, I know who the hotties are on the team, but I’m curious about those boys in the minors. I know names and who is supposed to be good, but I don’t necessarily know their faces. So I always look forward to a new face in the clubhouse.
After the jump, I’ve hand selected some drool-worthy hotties. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Kasey is celebrating this post!
After a nice dinner with dad on Father’s Day, I came home, flipped through the channels and stumbled upon the end of the NASCAR race. I was greeted with the beautiful face of Kasey Kahne, today’s big winner! Kasey is definitely on my “To Do” list, so I was very excited at his big win at Sonoma. I’m not a huge NASCAR fan, but because of Kasey, I’ve become a casual watcher. I thought what better way to celebrate his big win than by sharing the beautifulness that is Kasey Kahne in a nice little post!
So enjoy some more hot pictures of Kasey after the jump! Vroom Vroom!
A.k.a. the “Complete MLB Rundown (To The Exclusion Of Everything Else)” edition. Why? Because I can. Yesterday’s scores presented BBC-style for extra hilarity and confusion.
Good morning. I know in darkness I will find you giving up inside like me.
Internet, we need to talk about something very serious. I’m going to paint you a picture of two ballplayers.
Player One is batting .339 with 17 home runs, 44 RBI, an OBP of .402 and a slugging percentage of .707. He’s one of the best clutch hitters in baseball and has effortlessly replaced a fan favorite in a notoriously difficult town.
Player Two has been suspended since May 7 for using a banned substance.
Which player do YOU think is ranked higher in the National League All-Star Game outfielder voting totals? Continue reading
So I went to a baseball game last weekend and I realized something. While the majority of fans are cool and well behaved, obnoxious fans are inescapable. And they come in all shapes and sizes. They are the people that make you wonder, why are they even here? Baseball tickets are not cheap. Why come if you’re not even going to be caring about the game?
So I decided to make a little compilation of some of the fans you want to avoid while at the game, and the fans that you definitely do not want to be.
Little note about the pic choice: I have nothing against the Rays or their fans. But come on, I don’t think anyone needs to be told that is not a good look. The cowbell is bad enough but if I got stuck behind that fro, I would flip.
I was watching TV last night, my laptop in front of me, trying to decide what to write about for my post today. Something funny, something interesting, something different…then the top of the ninth happened in the Yankee game. Forgive me, I promise not to make a habit of it, but I need to complain about the men in pinstripes for a little bit.
The Royals gave me a very happy St. Patrick’s Day by signing Sir Sidney Ponson (yes, Sir! He was knighted in his native Aruba). They were impressed with his showing for the Netherlands in the World Baseball Classic, and might now be putting him in the KC Opening Day rotation.Yes, please.
Grrr, baby!
LOTS more after the jump.
Each week this Hot Stove season, we’ll look at some done deals and juicy rumors involving our favorite MLB hotties. This week was extra-hot.
One of the big stories this week was Cole Hamels. The only two-time Hump Day Hottie in the history of the world signed an extension with the Phillies for 3 years and 20.5 million Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers. And just look at that suit! Is that tie some sort of paisley, or is it…amoeba?
Phils fans get to keep him for three more years.
If you don’t celebrate Christmas, don’t sweat it. You can still enjoy this post. If you do celebrate Christmas, have a merry one!
Earlier this year, our little site celebrated its 1000th post by highlighting each of our favorite hotties. Now, in the spirit of the holidays, it’s time for our hotties to give back. Do your eyeballs a favor and enjoy the Ladies…’ stocking stuffers after the jump.
Continue reading
I love when my good feelings turn out right. Today my boy Rey Maualuga, the one I posted about on Friday, ran an interception 48 yards for a touchdown in the second quarter against Ohio State.
And then humped it.
Now, I am not, of course, always right on these things. Like when fackin’ Tom Brady went down. But whatever, I have Philip Rivers – that’ll work, right? Oh God. I hope so.
Last night was easily the best Finals I’ve seen in a long time. In fact, I can’t even decide on a better one so I’m dubbing this Best Finals I’ve Ever Seen. The NCAA tourney is my favorite time of year, hands down, but the Finals always seem to be a disappointment. This year, the score was close the entire way and both teams looked really athletic. The Kansas comeback to force overtime was OUTSTANDING. I did remark to my table in the bar that it was kind of a bummer that Memphis unraveled in OT. I was so high after the end of regulation that I wanted the back-and-forth to continue, but Kansas really took it over.
For those of you who live under a rock, here is the end of regulation:
Congratulations Jayhawks!
And this’ll about do it for the 2007 season. (Was it good for you?) One day of conference championships and rivalry games, then that’s all, she wrote.
(Programming note: Five Ladies’ teams have wrapped their seasons. If you care to follow along with us, we’ll be glued to Tennessee vs. LSU on CBS at 4:00 Eastern, and Pitt vs. West Fuckin’ Virginia at 7:45 on ESPN.)
I know better than to try and wrap my head around the past three months. (I mean, my boys are about to play for the SEC Championship. The hell?) But there’ll be long months of analysis and head-scratching in the offseason, and we’ve still got games to play. So kick back, pour a drink, and enjoy a little afternoon delight with the finest of the season’s hate sex recipients…gentlemen we’d love to hit, in one fashion or another.
I have a confession to make, for those of you who’ve stuck with this feature all this time. It’s been a source of much discussion, caused a couple of you gentlemen to inexplicably criticize my housekeeping, and it’s time to know the truth: That is not my bedroom, over there to your left. I Googled “unmade bed” the day I started this series and the rest is history. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. (That said, I do love the sheets, and I’d kill a man for those shelves.)
Home stretch, girls. And what a ride. If there’s one comfort we can take into bowl season, it’s that the number of upsets and disasters is such that no one’s humiliation remains front page news for long.
(If there’s a second comfort, it’s that we get pretty faces and forearms of boys marginally too young for us to ogle before soldiering on the following week.)
Lean with me, rock with me, jump with me:
Not a bad week for us here at Ladies, all told. To review:
Rutgers rolling over Army in primetime. Iowa holding on for bowl eligibility. Tennessee putting serious hurt on Arkansas at home. Texas rolling through a shootout with Texas Tech.
Those two losses, though? Ouchtown, population: us, and we never saw it coming.
No one could’ve predicted Clemson would field a viable football team this year…least of all Wake Forest, playing like I-AA imitations of their former ACC Champion selves. Sorry, Cousin J-Money–at least you had the big WFV win for solace.
Same for SA and Michigan…unlike Clemson they’ve been sleepwalking all season, but who knew Wisconsin would pick Week 11 to start playing football? (But who’ll remember this if they beat Ohio State?)
Let’s send our two lovely Ladies on their way to bigger and better things this week with some eminently beddable boys from the opposite sideline:
The season is waning! This year has simply flown by in a haze of ludicrous upsets and marquee comebacks. And it finally feels like fall, even in southern California. Perfect day to curl up with a good book, a glass of wine, and reflect on the changes of the past year chain one of your most attractive nemeses to the bed and commence to forgetting your worries. Bit of a nail-biting weekend for us last week…of the seven Ladies’ teams playing, we had two three-point margins of victory (Texas and Pitt), a four-point win (Michigan), and a one-point loss (Wake). We were 5-2 on the week, and that’s something to celebrate, particularly in 2007, the Year of the What The Hell. It’s Saturday morning, though….time to go from nail bites to neck bites.
Welcome to the weekend, dear readers. Let’s get it on….after the jump:
Last week saw the rarest of Saturdays for college football in 2007: A day where half the top ten wasn’t unceremoniously disassembled by less-than-deserving squads. The weekend was not without nail-biting, however, as two Ladies’ teams played games into overtime (Tennessee and Iowa), two won by merely a field goal against teams they should’ve put away handily (Tennessee and Texas), and two suffered devastating losses (Pitt because they were So!Close!; Rutgers because it was never close, At All).
We spent so much of the summer in giddy anticipation of the season, only to be knocked on our collective asses week in and week out by the madcappery of upset after upset after upset…and now, with the closing of the year on the horizon, you know you’d do it all over again. And by “do it”, I mean “bed gentlemen of the opposing team to banish the sting of defeat”. Let’s hit it.
THAT’ll teach me to play nice. The Scarlet Knights, Panthers, Longhorns, Demon Deacons, and Wolverines all benefited from a little TLC…but serial heartbreakers the Hawkeyes and Volunteers are bound and determined to drive Andie and me to drink. (To more drink. Yes, that’s saying a lot.) If there’s one upside, it’s this: It’s 2007, and so far this season, both Iowa and Tennessee have avoided being the jaw-dropping SportsCenter-leadoff Crushing Defeat Of The Century Of The Week. There’s enough ridiculosity to ensure we’re not the story. Does that lessen the pain of my trip to Tuscaloosa last week? It does not, but I comfort myself with the knowledge that it could be so much worse…and with the pretty boys all in a row, after the jump. Continue reading
Last week, on SMS: I look forward to the day when no Saturday Morning Hate Sex post will be necessary. When every Lady’s team finds themselves on the shiny happy end of the scoreboard…
Last week, on the field: Tennessee, Texas, Wake Forest, Michigan, Rutgers, and Iowa, victors all. [Pause while I stare in wonderment at my own hands and wish very, very hard for a pony.] So this morning, let’s leave the handcuffs in the bottom drawer. No frustrations to grind out, just the sweet memory of triumph and the fervent hope for another win.
No, I’d like to use this morning for makeup sex. My boys came through for me last week in a big way, and one in particular is finally reminding me why I loved him in the first place.
I look forward to the day when no Saturday Morning Hate Sex post will be necessary. When every Lady’s team finds themselves on the shiny happy end of the scoreboard, and no one’s star quarterback weeps. On ESPN. In primetime. In HD. (Attention, Mister Tebow: I, too, hit the waterworks when the battle goes ill for my boys. I am, however, A Girl, and not a Division I blue-chipper. Take it like a man: Bottle up your emotions until you snap years down the road in a series of unrelated incidents.)
*ahem*
Where was I? Right. In an orderly, usual season, we might have seen that day already. A day when the Ladies can kick back with a cocktail, bask in the glow of victory, and never once have to hiss, “Catch the GODDAMN BALL” at their television screens. But this is no kind of normal season, and it’s not even halfway over, and already we’re all carrying scars.
But no matter who prevails, we’re still coming out on top. Let’s get our healing on, after the jump.
Oh. Oh, last week sucked. (Hush your filthy mind; that’s after the jump.) Fifty percent of the Ladies saw their beloved college teams fall. Of course, we were in good company…everyone who’s anyone was on the losing end of the scoreboard. The top 25 is full of pretenders and upstarts. Chaos reigns, and I’m not just talking about my twisted sheets. I’ve been battling the nervous giggles of survivor’s guilt since Saturday night–my Vols had their usual bye date bumped up two weeks this year and I’m ridiculously grateful.
But it’s a new day. A new week. And if the college football gods are off their bender, a return to some semblance of order and right. Let’s take this morning to wipe the slate clean, and get down and dirty with our vanquishers. Join us, won’t you?
Can it be we’re a month into the season already? That’s a lot of ticks on the scoreboard. A lot of swigs from smuggled flasks. A lot of stolen kisses in the quad, and a lot of notches on our bedposts from our Saturday morning purge romps.
Most of the Ladies’ teams had good outings, but Andrea’s Iowa Hawkeyes fell in a tooth-and-nail slugfest to Wisconsin…and two weeks later, it’s time to move past Florida and the throttling they handed down to my Tennessee Vols. Get comfy, boys, I’ll want to be on top for this.
This Sunday in Pittsburgh the 49ers and the Steelers meet in an important early season match-up.
Not the teams. I’m talking about the coaches-Mike Nolan and Mike Tomlin.
I envy the woman who’ll be at Heinz Field. But the question is, who’s hotter? This was brought up last Wednesday when I said this is the Hit & Run:
Nolan > Tomlin
Needless to say, TheStarterWife didn’t agree. So we thought we’ll put it out there…
Nolan or Tomlin? Who ya got?
JIM THOME IS NAUGHT BUT A HOPELESS ROMANTIC
THOOOOOOOOME! Pictured here smooching his wife Andrea (note: not our Andrea), Ol’ Hambone Thome hit No. 500 yesterday, and did it in grand fashion: a two-run walkoff jack, and on Jim Thome bobblehead day. The fellow who caught the milestone ball gave it right back to Jim, and Thome announced after the game that he and his father would deliver it to Cooperstown together.
Excuse me, but it’s gotten dusty in my office all of a sudden. [Sniffle.]
Ladies... 