For 2008 I Resolve…

Ah, the first of the new year. It’s that great day to kiss your sweetie (or that really hot guy standing to your left) at midnight, watching the bowl games (or outdoor hockey), and to make a fresh start in your life.

Or something like that.

Yes, last week was that time to make a whole bunch of resolutions to yourself. I know, you’ve already resolved to lose weight and to stop drinking as much and finally start saving your money for a rainy day. Let’s be honest, you’re not going to do any of that. You would have already. How about making some logical resolutions this year? I will not hate the Yankees with a white hot fire. I will appreciate Alabama for its continued devotion to a dead coach. I won’t defecate in a cooler. All the things you know you can do.

If you’re at a loss as to what you should resolve this year, read the Ladies… 2008 resolutions for some ideas. I’m sure you’ll be able to adopt some of our ideas. And if not, good luck with that whole less drinking thing.

Lady Andrea

1. I resolve to watch Iowa men’s Big Ten basketball games, no matter how ugly they get.

2. I resolve to keep a positive attitude about the Cardinals, even though the off-season was so disappointing.

3. I resolve to try to be nice to my good friend who is a Red Sox, Patriots and Celtics fan and not rain on his parade too much.

4. I resolve to make an effort to play more sports, instead of just watching other people play them. Law school intramural softball team, here I come!

Texas Gal

I resolve to try and not go to every single baseball game of the season.

I resolve to pick a hockey team to care about. For that matter, I resolve to care about hockey, period.

I resolve to try and control my Colt McCoy hero worship.

Most of all, I resolve to FOCUS ON OUR BABIES- and make sure JMoney does likewise.


For 2008, I resolve to go to the last game at Shea Stadium, to say goodbye to our home for the last 46 years.

I also resolve to actually watch the football games I’m supposed to cover for Ladies… No. More. Excuses!


I, Clare, hereby resolve to do the following this year:

1. I resolve to watch a Sixers game…in its entirety.

2. I resolve not to heckle small children wearing Mets apparel when the Phillies play the Mets.

3. I resolve to take it easy at Dollar Dog night.

4. I resolve not to do the “E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!” chant when the Phillies lose.

5. I resolve to get student rush tickets for the Flyers at least once this season.

6. I resolve not to make fun of Josh Beckett, lest he and Texas Gal overhear me and unleash a torrent of expletives in my direction.

7. I resolve that “just making it to October” isn’t good enough.


I, TheStarterWife, resolve the following in 2008 –

1. I will try to not to hate teams that are doing that much better than my teams (Red Wings, Rangers, all of MLB) teams striving for perfection (Patriots) and teams that I really have no reason to dislike (Michigan, Ducks, Angels). The Chuck Palahniuk “destroy something beautiful” mentality is beneath me.

2. I will try to eat healthier snacks during football games.

3. I will try to become more tolerant of the fans that wear pink. (Although I loathe the phrase used to describe the rush to fill the void of women’s apparel, “shrink it then pink it”.)

4. I will judge other sports fans less on their behavior on blogs and more on their behavior in person.

5. I will only participate in three fantasy football leagues. Any more is madness.

6. I will continue to quash the feelings every minute I waste watching sports, talking about sports, and writing about sports is one more minute that I am placated by America, Inc’s pacifier instead of taking that one minute to fight for the rapidly deteriorating planet on which we all live.

7. Finally retire my copy of “Jock Jams”.


I resolve to keep the faith re: the offensive future of the Tennessee Volunteers, however unreasonably.

I resolve to not bitch about the outcome of the Colts’ playoff run, whatever it may be. Half the team has at least one mangled limb. They’re not all there. It’s all right. For one more month they’re still the reigning champs, and I’m going to enjoy it.

I resolve to adopt the Los Angeles Kings. I like hockey, and I live around the corner from the Staples Center. There is no excuse.

I resolve to obtain AFL season tickets, if only as a conversation piece.

I resolve never to watch baseball before October, unless Texy takes me to spring training.

I resolve to set West Virginia AD Ed Pastilong and Deputy AD Mike
Parsons on fire.


1. I will actually pick a MLB team to be a fan of. I will follow this team throughout the year no matter what.

2. I will actually watch a baseball game from beginning to end that happens in a month other than October.

3. I will finally pick a Prem League team to follow.

4. I will not get too upset when Duke loses in the Sweet 16 yet again. I also will be gracious to UNC fans if Carolina wins the National Championship this season.

5. I will care about basketball that is not confined to the college ranks.

6. I will see a Michigan football game in person.

7. I won’t critique Rich Rodriguez too much during his first season at the helm of said Michigan program.

8. I will do a Football Foodie Friday next football season.


I resolve to stop checking Wake Forest QB Riley Skinner’s Facebook page. Yes, there are several hot photographs of him shirtless and clutching a large fish. No, I do not need to check on this every day. Also, I should probably stop writing on his wall. And poking him. He’s younger than “The Joshua Tree” for Christ’s sake.

I resolve to understand why I ever purchased a puffy St. Louis Rams jacket with a faux furry collar. And to stop wearing it.

I resolve to, at some point, stop having conversations with my lifesize cardboard Curt Schilling. I definitely need to stop placing candles, oranges, and incense at its two dimensional feet.

I resolve to continue wearing my disgusting, ratty Red Sox hat even though it smells like a dead squirrel. And clashes with my Rams jacket.

I resolve to stop referring to the new “We Made Resolutions to Work Out” members at my gym as “the Future Failures” and stop giving them condescending looks when they’re trying–and failing–to bench press the equivalent of a Hot Pocket.

I resolve to stop using “Rich Rodriguez” as a euphemism for pooping while I’m housetraining my puppy, even though it’s fun to say “Bad Pigpen! Bad! You Rodriguezed all over the guest room”.

43 thoughts on “For 2008 I Resolve…

  1. Holly, you could pick a hockey team that’s less of a mess than the Kings, but then again, it’s not like Anaheim’s that much better. Hockey will take everyone it can in.

    I resolve to get back to following the Avalanche more despite the insanity of not being able to watch them on TV unless they play the Kings or Ducks. Stupid Versus.

  2. There ain’t no way we’re making it out of the month of January without Clare making fun of Josh Beckett at least once. Accordingly, I am compiling a list of appropriate expletives to holler- I will contact Mr. Beckett to ensure he is preparing his list as well.

    Metsy: I need to go to Shea this year, too. I have got to see the giant apple in person.

  3. SA- I applaud your #4 resolution. It takes a brave woman to admit that her team will crap out again come March. It takes an even braver (albeit misguided) woman to be a Duke basketball fan.
    I resolve not to stalk Tyler Hansbrough this season, even though I have recently discovered what his truck looks like.
    I also resolve to watch a Duke game this season and not pray for serious physical injury to befall each and every one of the players. I feel that is more than generous.
    I also resolve to stop referring to Kyle Singler as Duke’s “Great White Hope”, although it is rather catchy.

  4. Damn! I thought I was being ambitious when I resolved to be more optimistic and less cynical. I even managed to smile on friday night when a cute and younger girl came over to me in the bar and introduced herself. Only to ask if I was paying her tab 5 minutes later….

    It was tough with beer foam coming out of my nose though. :p

    Tip of the hat chicks. You set an example for all those less motivated to follow.


    PS: JMoney I am impressed. Usually a team/company logo changes before my hats get that way. But it may be time for your old friend to retire. :)

  5. Well done Ladies…

    I hope to be able to come home for the last game at Shea as well – sounds like ECPP Part II in the making?

    And SA, if that picture was meant to indicate that you have chosen Blackburn, that’s an excellent choice (if you don’t want to “cheat” and just latch on to one of the Big 4).

  6. I resolve to make an effort to play more sports: I say you say “fuck it” and pull a Rudy.

    This is the last year at both Shea and Yankee Stadiums? I was unaware of that.

    @TSW: #3: Do we have to? How has no team changed any of their colors to pink yet?
    #5: Do Pick ‘Em and Suicide Pool leagues count? 3 is unreasonable if they do.

    @Holly: Does this mean you’ve given up for the playoffs? I really hope you haven’t; the fate of mankind rests upon you. Wait, what am I saying? We play you next week. Please give up! (Seriously though: a lot of people around here are all ready looking ahead to New England which is dumber than shit. Yeah we match up well against the Colts and we’ve done well recently but we got ridiculously lucky in November. I fucking hate Charger fans.)

  7. happy new year ladies!

    I have a few too:

    I resolve to not fight with my sister on the drive home everytime after the Devils lose.

    I resolve to take the stairs more often (Ha, yea right!)

    I resolve to spend more time doing work and less time reading sports blogs (Again, yes right!)

  8. I resolve to pick a hockey team to care about. For that matter, I resolve to care about hockey, period.

    TG, technically, you’re team should be the Stars, you being “Texas” Gal and all. I propose that your Eastern Conference team is the Devils, unless TSW already wooed you with Sid and the Pens.

    Really, TG, anyone but the Rangers.

  9. With the Cowboys being the lone exception to the rule (because, really, they’re AMERICA’S TEAM), I cannot stand anything from Dallas. So I will definitely not be picking the Stars.

    I felt like I should pick the Blackhawks out of some sort of resident loyalty… but I just can’t get psyched about them. Devils, you say? I shall have to investigate…

  10. Texas Gal, be like David Puddy and adopt the Devils — You can paint your face and scare the bejesus out of a priest by shouting “We’re The Devils! We’re The Devils!”

  11. @Doug:

    Give up? Fuck, of course not. I’m just trying to temper my SEASON IS DEFINED BY A CHAMPIONSHIP sensibilities, seeing as how a couple weeks ago Indy was dressing…43 guys. Total. And we’re on a good streak with those 43 guys, so maybe there’s some surprises down the road, but my point was that I’m going to try and appreciate the regular season for what it was–a stellar effort by a team whose injuries would’ve torpedoed lesser men–rather than judging the whole year, as we are wont to do, by the events of January.

  12. I need to go to Shea this year, too. I have got to see the giant apple in person.

    Imagine something a high school production would create. It looks a little bit worse than that.

    I hope to be able to come home for the last game at Shea as well – sounds like ECPP Part II in the making?

    ECPP Part II is most likely going to be a Brooklyn Cyclones game.

    But you should def. come home and share the last game at Shea with me and 50,000+ .

  13. Christina-Ha! I am so calling Singler that from now on. You know, I really love saying that the ACC is the best basketball conference in the country, especially over the Big East. And if that means a Carolina NC, then dammit I’ll just have to suck it up and accept a Carolina championship.

    BTO-actually, I was just looking for a great soccer picture, but now I am going to consider Blackburn. I kinda don’t want to jump on a bandwagon and be all like, “Woo! Go Chelsea! I’ve always loved them.” etc.

  14. Gordon: Do it! It would beat all the existential angst stuff that litters the blog world all to hell. You do know that you can wash them… right? :p

    I have a couple of treasured t-shirts that have survived thru the years. My Bender: ‘Bite my shiny metal ass’ and the Firefly: ‘Slim’s Used Space Craft Sales’ one… always a place in my dresser for them. But then again they don’t smell like a dead squirrel either.


  15. SA: I would suggest for your baseball needs, the Red Sox, Cubs or Phillies (OBVIOUSLY) and for your don’t-call-it-soccer-call-it-football needs, Arsenal or Aston Villa. Arsenal if you like a winner, Villa if you don’t.

    Metsy: I feel I need to appreciate the high-school production values of it all in person to really understand. It sucks that the Cubs are playing in Shea… the very time I have tickets at Fenway. DAMN.

    Pam: Dude in the first picture may have just sold me. Dude in the 3rd and 4th pictures is hot, but Hockey Dude #1… rowr. I never knew picking a hockey team could be so much fun…

  16. SA: if you don’t want to support one of the big 4 in the Premier League, why not Everton? They’re having a decent year but they’ll never become one of the big clubs, and they have one of key pre-requisites for success in English football: their manager isn’t English.

  17. @SA: Or you could go with the “American” EPL team and choose Fulham. They’re going to lose more than they win (and are in danger of being relegated), but they do have Bocanegra, Deuce, McBride, and Keller. Or we’d be happy to take you at ManU; there are bandwagon complications with that one though so it’s understandable if you don’t want to.

    @Holly: Eh, well a guy can dream can’t he? Truth be told, I have low expectations. A) No way Norval beats the Colts twice in one season. B) My teams always choke. C) The Colts are far more consistent than the Chargers. Good luck against the Pats; I suppose it’s probably not us you’re worried about anyway.

  18. TG-Boston and Chicago has a lot of fans already. Seriously, there is this huge Red Sox contingent in SC that goes to all the Single A affiliate games here in Charleston and around the state. Although Phillies is going into consideration.

    DCTrojan-Everton huh? That’s Blackburn and Everton that I have to check out. The Big 4 is Arsenal, Man U, Chelsea, and Liverpool right? I might have to think about Liverpool. Those other three just seem to have so many fans that it’s almost a what’s the point type of thing with me.

  19. Doug-yeah, see post above. I want to be able to say I suffered with the team. Although now that I think about it that seems a bit crazy.

  20. I want to be able to say I suffered with the team. Although now that I think about it that seems a bit crazy.

    Why do you think I became a Mets fan instead of a Yankee fan? (Note: I became a Mets fan in 1997, when the Yankees were fresh off their 1996 WS win. Of course, I’m not clairvoyant, and did not know that they would win three more, but I felt that I couldn’t join them since too many people were already flocking to the bandwagon. I’m sure you guys are thrilled to hear the details of how I became a Mets fan.)

  21. SA: Not the Yankees. That’s all I ask. Please, not the Yankees.

    By the way, the Tigers look real good this year, to the point where I’m kinda scared of them (Magglio Ordonez has always scared me, actually). I’m so glad the Sox aren’t in their division. Phew.

  22. Now Aston Villa. That’s three. Maybe four if I include Liverpool.

    Liza-I will never ever root for the Yankees. I’ve learned from the rest of the ladies here. You mentioned the Tigers and I had thought about just choosing them. Just keep the Michigan theme going. I actually do have a bit of a method I’m going to use to pick a team. It’s not interesting, but it’s a method.

  23. TSW-just went to their official homepage. Damn, you’re not kidding. Is it wrong that I seriously want to take into account home and away uni’s in this decision?

  24. SA- Did you happen to catch the UNC/Clemson game last night? While it might not have been the Tar Heels most spotless performance, it was by far the most exciting game I have seen all season. I dont think I sat down or stopped yelling, for the entire 5 minutes of overtime (my neighbors, Im sure, think I am insane). I think the ACC is going to be well represented come March Madness time. Best part about this season is that I have a harem (that is what I shall call them) of girls who are not basketball fans but yet I made sign up for the b-ball ticket lottery so I am basically guaranteed a spot at every game. It’s going to be an EXCELLENT season. Law school reading clearly takes a backseat to college basketball (how can old dudes waxing poetic about business associations really compare to young, sweat drenched, athletic men running around for 40 minutes? It cannot.)

  25. I want to be able to say I suffered with the team. Fulham will do that to you….plus, you’ll get bonus points for following them to relegation next year. Or alternatively you’ll at least have fun cheering them on this year in hope they are relegated.
    If you want to take “unis” into consideration and are willing to make a compromise of EPL to SPL, Celtic is a hell of a choice. They have awesome kits , they win but aren’t a bandwagon team in the states, and you’ll get to watch them in the Champions League and usually some good friendlies.

  26. There’s never ANYTHING wrong with taking unis into consideration. The Packers and Browns get serious demotions for that.

  27. I love watching the Premier League but don’t really have a favorite. Maybe I’ll just go with whoever SA chooses to balance out my Colts allegiance to Holly.

  28. not an allegiance to you, an allegiance to the Colts. I live in Fort Wayne, IN, I have to pull for them don’t I? More like a shared allegiance I suppose.

  29. Christina-no, I didn’t. I actually didn’t watch Duke on Sunday either. Forgot about both of those games. Wish I would have seen it though. I usually hate Clemson, but I root for them against Carolina in basketball when at Chapel Hill. It’s been like 51 games since they last won there, I’m feeling sorry for them.

    Doug-Even if I don’t want to watch SPL (I need to actually, you know, starting watching them) I’d be willing to buy that jersey. In fact, I think I want that jersey no matter what.

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