Ah, the first of the new year. It’s that great day to kiss your sweetie (or that really hot guy standing to your left) at midnight, watching the bowl games (or outdoor hockey), and to make a fresh start in your life.
Or something like that.
Yes, last week was that time to make a whole bunch of resolutions to yourself. I know, you’ve already resolved to lose weight and to stop drinking as much and finally start saving your money for a rainy day. Let’s be honest, you’re not going to do any of that. You would have already. How about making some logical resolutions this year? I will not hate the Yankees with a white hot fire. I will appreciate Alabama for its continued devotion to a dead coach. I won’t defecate in a cooler. All the things you know you can do.
If you’re at a loss as to what you should resolve this year, read the Ladies… 2008 resolutions for some ideas. I’m sure you’ll be able to adopt some of our ideas. And if not, good luck with that whole less drinking thing.
1. I resolve to watch Iowa men’s Big Ten basketball games, no matter how ugly they get.
2. I resolve to keep a positive attitude about the Cardinals, even though the off-season was so disappointing.
3. I resolve to try to be nice to my good friend who is a Red Sox, Patriots and Celtics fan and not rain on his parade too much.
4. I resolve to make an effort to play more sports, instead of just watching other people play them. Law school intramural softball team, here I come!
I resolve to try and not go to every single baseball game of the season.
I resolve to pick a hockey team to care about. For that matter, I resolve to care about hockey, period.
I resolve to try and control my Colt McCoy hero worship.
Most of all, I resolve to FOCUS ON OUR BABIES- and make sure JMoney does likewise.
For 2008, I resolve to go to the last game at Shea Stadium, to say goodbye to our home for the last 46 years.
I also resolve to actually watch the football games I’m supposed to cover for Ladies… No. More. Excuses!
I, Clare, hereby resolve to do the following this year:
1. I resolve to watch a Sixers game…in its entirety.
2. I resolve not to heckle small children wearing Mets apparel when the Phillies play the Mets.
3. I resolve to take it easy at Dollar Dog night.
4. I resolve not to do the “E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!” chant when the Phillies lose.
5. I resolve to get student rush tickets for the Flyers at least once this season.
6. I resolve not to make fun of Josh Beckett, lest he and Texas Gal overhear me and unleash a torrent of expletives in my direction.
7. I resolve that “just making it to October” isn’t good enough.
I, TheStarterWife, resolve the following in 2008 –
1. I will try to not to hate teams that are doing that much better than my teams (Red Wings, Rangers, all of MLB) teams striving for perfection (Patriots) and teams that I really have no reason to dislike (Michigan, Ducks, Angels). The Chuck Palahniuk “destroy something beautiful” mentality is beneath me.
2. I will try to eat healthier snacks during football games.
3. I will try to become more tolerant of the fans that wear pink. (Although I loathe the phrase used to describe the rush to fill the void of women’s apparel, “shrink it then pink it”.)
4. I will judge other sports fans less on their behavior on blogs and more on their behavior in person.
5. I will only participate in three fantasy football leagues. Any more is madness.
6. I will continue to quash the feelings every minute I waste watching sports, talking about sports, and writing about sports is one more minute that I am placated by America, Inc’s pacifier instead of taking that one minute to fight for the rapidly deteriorating planet on which we all live.
7. Finally retire my copy of “Jock Jams”.
I resolve to keep the faith re: the offensive future of the Tennessee Volunteers, however unreasonably.
I resolve to not bitch about the outcome of the Colts’ playoff run, whatever it may be. Half the team has at least one mangled limb. They’re not all there. It’s all right. For one more month they’re still the reigning champs, and I’m going to enjoy it.
I resolve to adopt the Los Angeles Kings. I like hockey, and I live around the corner from the Staples Center. There is no excuse.
I resolve to obtain AFL season tickets, if only as a conversation piece.
I resolve never to watch baseball before October, unless Texy takes me to spring training.
I resolve to set West Virginia AD Ed Pastilong and Deputy AD Mike
Parsons on fire.
1. I will actually pick a MLB team to be a fan of. I will follow this team throughout the year no matter what.
2. I will actually watch a baseball game from beginning to end that happens in a month other than October.
3. I will finally pick a Prem League team to follow.
4. I will not get too upset when Duke loses in the Sweet 16 yet again. I also will be gracious to UNC fans if Carolina wins the National Championship this season.
5. I will care about basketball that is not confined to the college ranks.
6. I will see a Michigan football game in person.
7. I won’t critique Rich Rodriguez too much during his first season at the helm of said Michigan program.
8. I will do a Football Foodie Friday next football season.
I resolve to stop checking Wake Forest QB Riley Skinner’s Facebook page. Yes, there are several hot photographs of him shirtless and clutching a large fish. No, I do not need to check on this every day. Also, I should probably stop writing on his wall. And poking him. He’s younger than “The Joshua Tree” for Christ’s sake.
I resolve to understand why I ever purchased a puffy St. Louis Rams jacket with a faux furry collar. And to stop wearing it.
I resolve to, at some point, stop having conversations with my lifesize cardboard Curt Schilling. I definitely need to stop placing candles, oranges, and incense at its two dimensional feet.
I resolve to continue wearing my disgusting, ratty Red Sox hat even though it smells like a dead squirrel. And clashes with my Rams jacket.
I resolve to stop referring to the new “We Made Resolutions to Work Out” members at my gym as “the Future Failures” and stop giving them condescending looks when they’re trying–and failing–to bench press the equivalent of a Hot Pocket.
I resolve to stop using “Rich Rodriguez” as a euphemism for pooping while I’m housetraining my puppy, even though it’s fun to say “Bad Pigpen! Bad! You Rodriguezed all over the guest room”.