So THAT happened.

I don’t even know if this should be an Advent Calendar of Hotness post or what. I’m a Phillies fan and I still don’t know what just happened. All I know is that Cliff Lee turned down a whole shit-ton of money, and I know that the rotation is absolutely disgusting and I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS.

I went to my first baseball game in 1993 when the Phillies played the Rockies. Back then, the Phillies literally gave away tickets to games in packages of hot dogs. Seriously, I remember 14 year old Maggie negotiating with her dad that if we bought TWO packages of hot dogs, my siblings could come to the game, and if we bought THREE, Mom could come too.

Halladay.
Hamels.
Oswalt.

…And Lee?

I can’t even.

Look, I know the world hates the Phillies and everything because they’re the new Red Sox or Yankees or Patriots or whatever, but this is…mindblowing.

This post brought to you by the letter ‘E.’

As in, Group E. Oh, yes. It’s time for another installment of ‘Seriously, there’s a reason folks the world over love the World Cup, and it ain’t all about the footwork.’

But before we start with the glorious, glorious eye candy, we just have to ask, since this is going live before the (unholy early) 7 AM EST Korea Republic v. Greece match: Does anyone feel like, you know, winning a World Cup match? Just saying. Ties are like kissing your sister. Or, well, brother, in our case.

Anyway, the hotness.

The Netherlands own Robin Van Persie.

NFL Playoffs – losing 20 teams of hotties for eight months Part 1

It’s late and I’m still awake, so instead of reveling in the happiness of the NFL Playoffs, I’ve decided to focus on how many cute, lycra-clad behinds that will disappear from our weekly viewing schedule for the next eight months.

In order to tide you over until August, follow the jump for one last look at the cute boys of the 2009 season who we won’t be seeing anymore…

Advent Calendar of Hotness – Day 2

Me? Hilariously predictable? Well, I never.

He’s one of exactly one people who can be hot while wearing those extra sleeve-under-the-sleeve things.

New Hottness Alert on the Buffalo Bills!

And yes, that’s hottness with a double ‘t’. No, not talking specifically about Perry Fewell, the Bills’ new head coach (though he is pretty damn hot right now). I’m talking first of all about the Bills as a whole yesterday (are we sure that was them out there?!) and about their newest addition on the sidelines: Brian Brohm ♥

Improving The “World” Series…

…or, I Swear This Isn’t All Just An Elaborate Plot To Get The Blue Jays Into The Playoffs (Even If They Lose).

METHOD 1

Current format: A whole bunch of American teams play each other and the winner is crowned World Champion.

Proposed format: The top American teams play each other and the winner is crowned National Champion. (Or American Champion, I’m not very picky.) That plays out exactly the same way that the “World” series does now.

But guess what happens to the National Champion?

They get to play the Blue Jays for the right to be called World Champions Of Baseball.

Rationale: I like the Blue Jays. I also hate anything that’s incorrect, and calling something the “World Championship” when you’ve only had a non-American team involved 5 times in the entire history of the event. I had the number 16 copy-pasted here but I’ve forgotten why I wanted to use it.

More after the jump. (I’m refining this as I go, so try to bear with me. Please?)

Payoff of paying attention to Florida State

So this crazy football game happened. If you missed it, basically Miami and Florida State went back and forth and Miami came back in the final moments and took the lead. Da U won 38-34.

I hate both teams. Despise them. Like really, the only way for me to win this game as a fan was if both teams lost. But hey, watching FSU isn’t the worst thing in the world with the guy they have under center. Christian Ponder is totally cute, right? It’s not just me? Help me decide.

Hike! Hellooooo Chris Ponder!

The Ladies… play MLB GM: Call up Lenny DiNardo?

If I had a nickel for every time I wanted to do Royals General Manager Dayton Moore’s job, I’d have…a shitload of nickels. I’d love to think GMDM totally reads all the Royals blogs out there, and considers our suggestions. That’s proooobably not the case at all, but just in case: Hey GMDM, call up Lenny DiNardo! He could help your bullpen! And he’s a lefty!

Oh, and…he looks like this:

We have the Omaha World Herald to thank for this work of art.

It’s my party and I’ll take over if I want to

I had a great idea to do a post about the Futures game, checking out more than just the on-field talent. However, there are not a lot of pictures out there of minor league players, it turns out. Google Images and I spent some quality time together and I came up with very little.

Look to Crane to give you some Futures hottie love later…

So instead of giving you relevant content, I’m taking over.

It’s my birthday tomorrow, so follow me after the jump where I indulge myself by posting pictures of soccer boys that make me happy!

All-Star Posts, All-Star Posts, Come And Get Yer All-Star Posts

Good morning. How can you just walk on by without one tear in your eye?

(Incidentally, that song reminds me of this, which I swear only makes me cry because I’m listening to that damn song. Insert “unhealthy obsession” comment here.)

(Yes, I know that you’re getting this post after the afternoon post. It’s still morning in California.)

The current All-MLB RAR leader.

The rest of the All-Star awesomesauce is after the jump, but first: SPOILER ALERT! NO RED SOX OR YANKEES! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!.

Hump Day Hottie/Don’t Judge Me: AJ Burnett

Good morning.

*hides from all Mets fans, some Jays fans, plenty of Yankees fans*

(Incidentally, you don’t need a white horse to steer you back onto course.)

For each one of you that sees the “Read the rest of this entry” link here and doesn’t click on it, a child is taught that Saves are useful statistics and that Derek Jeter is worthy of this year’s All-Star Game start. (So that’s a maybe. But do you really want to risk it?)

In Which We Celebrate the Awesomosity of Roy Halladay

Good morning.

I was going to write a post about Barry Zito.

Then, this happened.

Nothing too unusual for Doc, who breezed through 9 innings on 103 pitches, giving up 5 hits and 1 run without walking a batter. He faced 30 hitters — 3 more than the minimum — and 72 of his pitches were in the strike zone, in sharp contrast to the MLB-average 60-ish percent of pitches thrown for strikes. In case you’re wondering, he throws an average of 67% strikes, an advantage of being a contact pitcher who stays down in the strike zone rather than a power pitcher who simply tries to blow the hitters away.

You, over there, reading this post. Are you looking for your stoicism? Well that’s too bad, because Roy Halladay took it and it’s unlikely you’ll get it back.

This Is The End

Well, I guess we all knew this was coming. Nothing lasts forever, not even the oogling of hot athletes doing what they and we love most. Actually, that will last forever. I mean, can you just stop admiring Grady Sizemore’s smile of Rafael Nadal’s ass? No? Well, we can’t either. It’s just the writing of it that will stop.

So I have the unlucky task of breaking the news. It’s with a heavy heart that I say that some of our ladies will be leaving Ladies… Don’t fret though, because Miss Minda and Games Mistress will be continuing on and keeping up the Ladies… standard. For right now some of us would like to say a last word to all of you. Hit the jump for our last words.

Hot Stove Hotties

Each week this Hot Stove season, we’ll look at some done deals and juicy rumors involving our favorite MLB hotties, and the occasional not-really-a-hottie, but still worth talking about.

Guess what, y’all! No, go on…guess. We are less than 3 weeks away from Spring Training!  There’s a light at the end of the deep, horrible tunnel of winter!

One of the 1st Google Image results for "Hallelujah." Naturally.

Hot Stove Hotties: Hamels, Markakis, bad MS Paint

Each week this Hot Stove season, we’ll look at some done deals and juicy rumors involving our favorite MLB hotties. This week was extra-hot.

One of the big stories this week was Cole Hamels. The only two-time Hump Day Hottie in the history of the world signed an extension with the Phillies for 3 years and 20.5 million Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers. And just look at that suit! Is that tie some sort of paisley, or is it…amoeba?

Phils fans get to keep him for three more years.

Hit and Run: New Year’s Games Edition

Source: Nam Y. Huh (AP)

Happy New Year, y’all!  If you are like me, New Year’s Day is a day best spent wearing your pajamas and watching the bowl games.  (Although this year I did actually get dressed about noonish.)  This year, channel surfing between bowl games included a stopover for some hockey at Wrigley Field, where the Red Wings beat the Blackhawks 6-4, while wearing some stylish throwback unis.  The Chicago crowd seemed very into the game, despite the cold (and the losing).

Things CC could buy with $140MM

Last week the New York Yankees offered free agent CC Sabathia a contract worth $140 million over six years. Sometimes when I hear about baseball contracts, it’s just a flurry of numbers: Millions and years, incentives and more millions. But this offer…yow. That’s a ton of money, Holmes.

If Sabathia accepts these boatloads of cash, what could he do with it all?

This Bugatti...and so much more. SO much.

Hit & Run-Who Needs Debates When You Got Sports?

Yes, the Vice Presidential debates were last night. That’s nice. You know what else was on? Baseball. And football. And football. And baseball. It was a damn good night of sports, even those who teams didn’t perform the way they had wished. So let’s get to a few of the unpleasantness (like Georgetown having to cancel a game because of norovirus) out of the way first, starting with the Cubs.

Who's winning? It ain't the Cubbies. Sorry Chitown Chick.

A press conference I’d love to see

Some of the baseball Ladies… are watching their teams in successful circumstances: Metsy’s Mets (duh) and Chitown Chick’s Cubbies are in first place; Lady Andrea’s Cardinals are in the hunt for the NL Wild Card; Cinnamon Girl’s Twins are looking for the same thing the AL.

Not me. Last night, my Royals had a chance to maybe win a game, and lost it when my favorite pitcher dropped a popup. Our overpaid, underperforming outfielder/DH has shifted from yelling at the media to yelling at fans (while his manager is on the can, no less).  Furthermore, the top draft pick KC fans were all so thrilled about signing? Well, turns out his contract may not have been legit.

Eric Hosmer: Contract not filed in time? Oh noes!

Happy Father’s Day!!

Today, we want to sincerely wish a Happy Father’s Day to all the men out there who hold the fort down, who head to the grocery store at 2 am to pick up a box of diapers, who will move heaven and earth to make their kids happy.  Here’s to you…

Hump Day Hottie: Euro 2008

I’m pretty sure everyone out there knows of Euro 2008. And even if you’re not a soccer fan you’ve watch a little of the action so far. So in honor of the European Championship this month I decided that our HDH this week will involve the uber hotties running around in Austria and Switzerland. Here’s the thing-with 16 teams and probably more hotties that I could ever handle playing not everyone is on this list. But does that really matter?

Programming note: liveblog of Portugal and Czech Republic happening over at This Is Extra Time Noon EST, 9 AM PST. Come join us, it’ll be fun. How could commenting on how much Cristiano Ronaldo is a douche great player not be? (Sorry Mistress Christina! Love ya!)

Let’s start with my favorite player (so far) in this thing-Nuno Gomes from Portugal. Favorite in that he’s gorgeous and his family is adorable and that makes him 10X hotter than his normally hot self.

A losing streak with style

Many years ago, the Kansas City Royals were no-hit by Jon Lester, and they haven’t won a game since. Wait, that was like 11 days ago but time has dragged by while Royals Nation waits for the team to pull out some kind of non-failure. It’s been a voyage of suckitude not seen since the infamous 19-game losing streak of 2005. You want to know how it feels? I’ll show you:

MLB facial hair: The ugly, the uglier, and the HOLY SCRUFF BATMAN!

Whether or not you are statistically inclined, this equation should make a lot of sense:

Facial hair = hot

At first glance, it seems so true. Yes, facial hair is hot, sometimes devastatingly so. But then…sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes grown men can’t figure out how to look in the mirror and see that the things they’ve grown on their chins are making them exponentially less attractive. These grown men, of course, are Major League Baseball players, whose facial hair offenses range from mildly offensive to vomit-inducing. Let’s take a journey down the path of how not to shave your face.

Oh, John Garland…can’t you see that fungus-esque bit you missed when you last shaved?

More offensive psuedobeards after the jump.

Hottie Prospectus 2008

This is my awkward introductory sentence wherein I inform you that this is my first post here, and I’m very nervous. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on to the Hotties!

It’s easy to forget sometimes that the hotties in the Majors aren’t the only ones. I know, sometimes life gets kind of hectic, and so you don’t have the time to keep up with the minor leaguers in your team’s farm system.

You’re missing out.

When these hotties make it to The Show, some will discover their prettiness for the first time. But you will know better; you will have followed the hotness all the way from the creaky buses of the minors to the chartered flights and luxurious life of the majors. It will be hard to match last year’s class of tasty prospects, but let’s give it a shot.

PITCHERS

Taking the hill for our all-hottie team, we’ve got Ruddy Lugo, a Mets prospect who scores points for his talent, his looks, and being the younger brother of Julio Lugo. (The Lugo brothers were once teammates with the Rays – cute, right?) Baseball Prospectus describes his curveball as “nifty,” and reports that his fastball hits 95 at times. The Internets do not have enough pictures of Ruddy; I’d like to launch a campaign to change that. I’ll call it Take More Pictures of Ruddy Lugo, Then Post Them Online, or TMPoRLTPTO for short. But here’s one of the few.

We’re This Many! The Ladies… Turn One.

One year ago, a group of female Deadspinners got together and built a website that would forever alter the sportswriting landscape. Some delusions of grandeur, but whatevs.

Artwork, as always, by the one, the only, the incomparable Lady J-Money, who credits our success to the quality of our ingredients.

When we last saw our heroines, we were raising glasses to six months of this contraption. Since then….where to start? We got out of the house a little, and brought a few friends along for the ride. We stirred up a couple hornets’ nests and got our knees dirty. We launched a blatant homerism lovefest and let lust rule our fantasy drafts. We went undercover with the Mets and the Mitchell Report and got inside with the Tigers. We turned back time and had ourselves a total eclipse of the heart. We pledged our hearts to the World Series, and just about killed ourselves trying to get there, and just about GOT ourselves killed once we were…but that all worked out just fine, didn’t it? We got down and dirty with the history of Rock and championed the little guys. We came heroically close to covering every single bowl game. We said fond farewells to a fine crop of college boys, and found new targets for next year.

And the snacks. Oh, TSW’s snacky goodness. The legendary Buffalo Chicken Dip. The homemade corn dogs. The 9-Layer Ranchero Dip, K2 of snack foods. Pork with more pork. The genesis of our quiche obsession. The other Ladies got into the act, to the tune of Pudding Shots, Beer Bread, Cheese Straws, and a variety of meats and cheeses.

We celebrated (properly) the apex of football season (and then some), and marked the turning of the sports season. We got our gamble on. We gave thanks, wished on our stockings, spread holiday cheer and strove to be better fans. We found humor in the worst of times and stood up for boobs everywhere. We rassled and clawed and even screwed each other.

After the jump, some poetic and prosaic reflections on our year together.

Lawyers, Guns, and Money – Hit and Run

I don’t get a chances to talk about the NBA. At least not on a daily basis. First off, I am surrounded by insufferable Laker fans. Are all Laker fans insufferable? Doubtful, but tolerable ones never seem to cross my path. Secondly, my good friend – as I have mentioned a couple of times in the past – is a die-hard Cavs fan. And while we have no few problems managing our Steelers-Browns relationship, our Pistons-Cavs rivalry is never spoken of lest we have a repeat of the 2005 March of the Penguins blow-up or the 2004 Kyoto Protocol /Vivid Girls smackdown.

So please excuse me while I take this moment to yell, “Nine in a row! Nine in a row! The Piston’s come back in the fourth quarter to win nine in a row!”

Don’t Rasheed and Tyronn look cute hugging? Like two puppies on a valentine.

Forgive Me Brady, For I Have Sinned

See, I knew you and your Bunch (heh, get it? Get it? Cause his last name is Brady and there was a show called The Brady Bunch and since the quarterback is the face of the team most of the time people say it’s the [quarterback’s last name]’s team and there is more than one other player on that team and they could be called a bunch. Ha Ha Ha. I am soooo funny. /every single sportscaster/sportswriter in the last five years) were playing on Sunday. I really did know that. But, well, I didn’t watch. See, I had a lot of things to do on Sunday. Ok, that’s a lie and I would never lie to you. I was listening to podcasts*. Lots of podcasts. Over 20 of them. And six of them were over an hour long. But it’s not like I watched the NFC title game either. Or at least the entire game. Ok, I caught the second half. But it’s not like you had an earth shattering game or anything. In fact, you kinda sucked on Sunday. Wow, that was harsh. I’m sorry. How can I make it up to you?

More AFC Title Game goodness after the jump.

Hit & Run: Was there a football game on last night?

Bob Sanders of the Indianapolis Colts was named the NFL Defensive Player of the Year. It isn’t quite the MVP Award (we all know that the Dreamboat won that), but it’s still an honor for Sanders to be recognized for his defensive prowess.

Oh, who am I kidding? Does anyone actually care about this?

Don’t look so forlorn, buddy – Holly cares about ya!

3-in-1 Bowl Games Spectacular! It’s Like Getting Three Games In One!

Are you a college football fan? Do you hate going from blog to blog, website to website trying to find recaps on all the games you just couldn’t see from beginning to end on New Year’s eve? Did you go out and party and get drunk and don’t remember the games you thought you saw? Well then today’s your lucky day, because for one day only we’re offering you a 3-in-1 bowl special! You’ll get three recaps in one post! No clicking around, no finding highlight, no having to go to the rival site to find some pictures, it’s all here! And when you click on the jump we’ll give you a free bottle of Johnnie Walker Black! Because Lord knows if you’re reading about Georgia Tech, Florida State, and Clemson football you need it. But that’s not all! We’ll also give you some food from one of the sponsors. It’ll go well with the bottle of liquor, plus it’s the best chicken sandwich around.

It’s the Blue Turf, music, and peaches! So don’t wait, order your 3-in-1 Bowl special now!

Champs Sports The Musical: Once More, With Feeling!

Michigan State and Boston College both tried their damnedest to lose this game. 7 turnovers in all, 5 by Michigan State. And yet, at the end, the Spartans had a real shot to win it. They kind of pissed it down their legs, though, with “tricky” plays like the QB running backwards for 12 yards on a 4th and inches instead of handing the ball to the damn fullback and punching it through. Big Ten Bowl record: 1-1. Sigh.

In part 2 of what is sure to become a regular series here at Ladies where I ogle barely-legal football players (seriously, these fellas are born in ’87 and ’88), I’d like to share with you the festivities from the Champs Sports Bowl Kickoff Luncheon. Following the Quiche Course, Spartan freshman linebacker Jon Misch played the piano. I don’t recognize the piece; I’m assuming it was written by some gentleman who wore a powdered wig at one time or another.

Wow…is it hot in here?