Hit and Run: Basketball breaks my heart, so I find solace in football…

I know how you feel, Roy. I know how you feel...

This has been a rough week for me as a sports fan. I have found myself in the odd position of having to defend my team, not only to others but to myself. I bitched all pre-season about how much I hated all the rankings. Too many expectations only means you crash harder when you inevitably slip from that lofty perch. I knew my team wouldn’t go undefeated; we didn’t last year and we are essentially the same team. But there is still nothing harder than watching the boys you love lose, and then LOSE AGAIN!!! (And then to watch that first team who beat you go on and lose to HARVARD. Harvard. I didn’t even know the Ivy’s had basketball!) There is also nothing worse than to kinda hate some of the members of your team. What was that Wayne Ellington? You thought you could go pro? How ’bout you jack up not one, not two, but THREE airballs?? That’s what they do in the pros, right? Or perhaps Ty Lawson. So called best point guard in all the land. Maybe you should have more points that turnovers in the first half. Sometimes that helps. Or maybe you should have atleast some ability to guard your man.  Is keeping him from scoring 30+ points unreasonable? Is that too much to ask? Thank the sweet baby Jesus for Danny Green. And Tyler Hansbrough’s first half effort. Ugh. I haven’t even watched Sportscenter this week because I can’t bear to hear all the shit they are saying. It makes me kind of sick.

I’m sure there are people revelling in my despair.

Sit down, jackasses!

Wake Forest fans, for example. Enjoy it while it lasts bitches, cuz when NC State or fucking FSU whoops your ass and storms the court like idiots, you will know my pain. Did I mention I hate court rushing? Another topic for another day, but suffice it to say – real rivals and real competitors don’t rush the court. Carolina fans don’t rush the court when we beat Duke. Duke fans don’t go running down onto the floor of Cameron when they beat us (even though that hasn’t happened at Cameron for YEARS…). It’s tacky. Act like you deserve to win. Act like you knew your team was capable of winning and because you knew it you don’t need to flail about like an idiot whose team usually sucks but has suddenly emerged from the gloom for this one shining moment so they can’t contain their ass to their allotted seat. I swear I’m not bitter or anything.

Oh, and I’m far from the only one who feels this way.

In more pleasant news… Manchester United totally pwnd Chelsea at Old Trafford on Sunday. WOOT. At least I started my day with some good sports news. 3 goals to nil. It was a pretty awesome match. Any time a team scores 3 goals (with 2 others disallowed) it’s a good match in my book. Unless of course your team is on the receiving end of those goals, then, well, that totally blows. But in this case my team won, so YAY! Now if only Liverpool could lose and we could really tighten up this race…

Speaking of Man U, Cristiano Ronaldo was awarded the FIFA World Player of the Year award on Monday, beating out the likes of Fernando Torres, Messi, Xavi, and last year’s winner Kaka. Crispi collected his award in true Cris fashion, all stiff hair, shiny face and overly-fitted formal wear. That’s not even mentioning his press conference get-up. Jebus, I swear that boy wants me to stop loving him sometimes. Gucci polo-shirt? Shiny jacket? Light gray slacks (or are they jeans??)? BROWN shoes? Good gosh that boy needs a stylist. He should just wear nothing and we’d all be happy. Congrats to C-Ron on his sweep of the individual awards. Fashion blunders aside, he totally deserves it.

"I'm totally, kind of, way, sort of, questionably more attractive than you."

Soooo Florida won that whole BCS National Championship thing. Boooring. I don’t watch college football, but I did watch this game. I can’t really get behind a game being billed as the national championship when it’s basically a match-up between 2 of the probably 4 or 5 teams that could legitimately claim the right to be there. The real contest in this game was between Tim Tebow and Sam Bradford. No, not for their ball chucking skills or ability to run the ball. It was the match-up of the questionably hotties. The entire time I watched the game, the internal battle raged: who is more kind of attractive? Tim Tebow is weird looking (in my mind) like 90% of the time. But occasionally, he’d go to the sideline and rip off that helmet, and DAMN. Who is this good looking man? Whereas Sam Bradford I find to be cute. I love the curls. But then, he would whip off his helmet and run over to the sidelines and it would be like, DAMN. Who is that baby-faced gremlin trotting off the field? What do you think, my lovely readers? Who wins this battle? Tebow or Bradford? Last year’s Heisman winner, or the current reigning champ?