Hit & Run: Not So Fast Edition

Devil for Life? Maybe not.

A couple of days ago it looked like Ilya Kolvalchuk was going to be a New Jersey Devil for more or less the rest of his pro career, as he signed a $102 million dollar, 17-year deal that was pretty much unprecedented in professional sports.  (Unless you count the Islanders’ DePietro deal, which I don’t — that would be like saying the Raiders personnel decisions are in any way comparable to the rest of the NFL.)  Yesterday, however, the NHL nixed the deal (and it appears the Devils may have known this was coming even before the press conference).

Five Words.

Dick. Move. Hall. Of. Fame.

Okay, look. I’ve devoted a lot of time and energy into hating the ever-loving hell out of Brett Favre for the monumental screw-job he handed Green Bay fans by first doing the ‘I MAY RETIRE OR I MAY NOT WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW’ dance and then the ‘LOLOLOLOL I AM SIGNING WITH YOUR RIVAL’ swan song. I really, really thought there couldn’t possibly be a bigger dick in organized sports than Brett Favre. I mean, the man singlehandedly held up football in Green Bay for a solid three years, and I’m pretty sure Aaron Rodgers still has Favre voodoo dolls in every room of his house.

That said? I’ve never seen an athlete so tone-deaf as to think that a nationally televised hour-long special to announce his free-agency decision smacked of anything beyond rampant egotism. That was horrifying in and of itself.

But a nationally televised hour-long special to break up with his hometown team in the most public manner possible? That’s an unprecedented level of douchebag.

Congratulations, LeBron James. You’re 2010’s entry into the Dick Move Hall of Fame. Good thing I don’t care about basketball.

Oh good, another person for me to have no respect for.

What the hell, Bud Adams?

Ben Roethlisberger…fix your TV? That’s the best you’ve got?

The charges* filed against Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger this weekend are serious, and in no way do the Ladies… condone such acts. Sexual violence is disgusting and pathetic, and should not be committed by anyone at any time. We doubt many of you would disagree.

One could also file a lawsuit against that shirt.

*If you haven’t heard, Big Ben faces counts of assault, sexual assault and batter, false imprisonment, false pretenses, fraud, and intentional infliction of emotional distress. Story here. If true…not cool, Ben.

HOWEVER, I couldn’t help but smirk at the line he allegedly laid down on the Harrah’s employee who filed the suit.

Ladies… Book Club: A-Rod

When the idea of a Ladies… Book Club was mentioned, I realized that I better beef up on my sports-centric reading material.  A few days later, I was at my local wholesale club and stumbled upon a gem: A-Rod: The Many Lives of Alex Rodriguez by Selena Roberts.  It was half-price and full of juicy, A-Rod gossip.  It was fate.

We were pretty much inundated with excerpts from this much-discussed tell-all, so I felt familiar with it immediately.  We all thought we knew what the book was about: steroids.  Well, my friends, we weren’t entirely right.

Hit and Run: Basketball breaks my heart, so I find solace in football…

I know how you feel, Roy. I know how you feel...

This has been a rough week for me as a sports fan. I have found myself in the odd position of having to defend my team, not only to others but to myself. I bitched all pre-season about how much I hated all the rankings. Too many expectations only means you crash harder when you inevitably slip from that lofty perch. I knew my team wouldn’t go undefeated; we didn’t last year and we are essentially the same team. But there is still nothing harder than watching the boys you love lose, and then LOSE AGAIN!!! (And then to watch that first team who beat you go on and lose to HARVARD. Harvard. I didn’t even know the Ivy’s had basketball!) There is also nothing worse than to kinda hate some of the members of your team. What was that Wayne Ellington? You thought you could go pro? How ’bout you jack up not one, not two, but THREE airballs?? That’s what they do in the pros, right? Or perhaps Ty Lawson. So called best point guard in all the land. Maybe you should have more points that turnovers in the first half. Sometimes that helps. Or maybe you should have atleast some ability to guard your man.  Is keeping him from scoring 30+ points unreasonable? Is that too much to ask? Thank the sweet baby Jesus for Danny Green. And Tyler Hansbrough’s first half effort. Ugh. I haven’t even watched Sportscenter this week because I can’t bear to hear all the shit they are saying. It makes me kind of sick.

I’m sure there are people revelling in my despair.

What It Feels Like for a Girl

One of the things that we all love about this site, both as writers and readers, is that it’s a place where we can all feel normal as sports fans. We can talk about batting averages and winning percentages and goals and who will beat who, and no one will look at us funny. We need this place because quite often, female sports fans are seen as freaks, pretenders or unfeminine, when none of the above is true.

Mommy, do you think that the Bulls should pick Derrick Rose or Michael Beasley?

Oops, I Crapped My Pants

Seriously…that was the BEST picture they could find?

Well, I guess if anybody is going to shit his pants during a game, Tyler Hansbrough is going to do it in the hardest-working, grittiest, most blue-collar way.

Boston fans out-douchebagged. Film at 11.

Resident Boston Red Sox fans Texas Gal and GordonShumway were lucky enough to be at the game at The Jake last night where they were booed, heckled, had bottles thrown at them, and were almost removed by security when they attempted to defend themselves. Texas Gal’s quote of, “Fuck this town. Fuck their team. Fuck these people. I went BY MYSELF to Yankee Stadium and got disrespected a hell of a lot less”, does not reflect well of your fans.

The girls will fill you in on all the details later (with some new tales from tonight I suspect) but in the meanwhile, City of Cleveland, i.e. THE MISTAKE ON THE LAKE, you have now brought the wrath of all eight of us into focus in one location. You fuck with one of us, and we will defend her. You fuck with two of us, gals get twitchy and start looking at departing flights out of LAX and Mapquest routes from Philly and New Jersey.

I know it has been 10 years since you’ve last won the AL Pennant, but show some respect and act like you’ve been there before.

Or as SA wisely said, “Just because your team is in the playoffs doesn’t mean you can act like an asshole.”

Hit & Run-Dumbass Edition

Usually we like to highlight the hotties and good guys in sports on this here blog. But I’m not feeling it today. Life sucks at times. So instead I’m giving you the dumbass version of the H&R.

This guy? Dumbass #1. Michael Rasmussen was removed from the Tour de France by his own team for violating team rules. He missed some random drug testing, telling the sports director of his team that he was in Mexico when a former teammate saw him out and about in Italy. You fool. Rasmussen had won the Stage 16 Wednesday when he was dismissed.

Dumbass #2-Curt Schilling. He ran his mouth off again on Costas Now, talking about Bonds, Palmeiro, McGuire, steroids, etc., etc. Look Curt, I like the fact that you talk to the media and have your own blog, making you “closer” to the fans. But sometimes you need to shut yer yap. Haven’t we been down this road before?