31 lirpa, Setarip ta Stnaig: Ereht Saw I

Where the hell did this tattoo come from?


Where am I? Why am I awake at 5:30 in the morning on a Saturday? Why do I smell like an ashtray?

There’s a cat nuzzling my face and licking my forehead. That’s strange: I don’t think I own a cat.

Where is the bathroom? I AM GOING TO BE SICK.

The date on my phone says April 14. I have five messages that say “happy birthday” and “thanks for the pants party!” It’s my birthday? How did I get so sick on my birthday? And what the hell is a “pants party?”

Who did this to me? I’ve got to figure out who did this to me on my birthday. Does this ugly green tote bag belong to me? Let me look though it; that might give me some clues.

getting blurrier

Let’s see…red pashmina, “Hello My Name Is” stickers, three Jason Bay bobblehead dolls, and a digital camera. Maybe I should look at the photos. That’ll probably help me figure out what happened last night.

At least I woke up alone this morning.


Apparently, I was at a baseball game. I guess that’s where the bobbleheads came from. It must have been pretty cold, though—these two random people were wearing headbands and winter coats.

erika and george

What the hell are these giant pastries running the bases?

pierogie race!!

cheese chester!

Oh. They’re pierogies. Wait, PNC Park? That’s in Pittsburgh! How did I get to Pittsburgh?!

So, this Jason Bay character. He seems to play for the Pirates. Is he cute?


Eh. (Nice arms, though.)

What else is on here? A bucket of wings and some Twizzlers.

party ammo

twizzlers and beer

Ugh, no wonder I feel so sick.

Barry Bonds is here? That explains why the crowd looks so rowdy.

barry alone

This guy seems to be one of his fans.

barry's cheering section

Another beer photo? Oh God, I must’ve had a lot to drink.

half empty

Wait, now I’m not in the stadium…I’m in a bar. I’m in a bar? Oh no. No no no. This is bad. I was in a bar before the game?! Here’s those girls again! Do I know them? I must not, because they’re wearing name tags. They look unhappy that I’m taking their photos.

yeah, you brought us here

I took a photo of a dude dancing badly in a t-shirt that says “the cream.” What the hell is “the cream?” He’s wearing a name tag too. All our name tags match. Should I know this guy Joe?

erika is unimpressed with joe's dance moves

Even the bartender has a name tag?

your friendly neighborhood enabler

One more photo on the camera…I hope it’ll have a clue about who did this to me.

joe clare and tim 2

I look like I’m…having fun. Maybe I need to have pants parties (whatever they are) more often.

33 thoughts on “31 lirpa, Setarip ta Stnaig: Ereht Saw I

  1. Even the jukebox was having fun.
    Shot of Jack Daniels was a bad choice.

    Sorry we got you so wrecked on your Birthday Eve. It was fun though!

  2. That’s so very awesome. I had one night in NO where I wish I had a little photographic evidence to remember exactly what went down.

  3. Who are these people and where are there hands?

    Nothing says “Happy Birthday” than waking up drunk with a hairy pussy nuzzling your face.

  4. As near as I can recall that’s quite possibly a semi-accurate retelling of what may have been the series of events preceeding and following the April 13 Pirates/Giants baseball contest. I can’t be sure, though. Or maybe I can. I’m not sure.

    –Sarcastro (Joe)

  5. Am I the only one who still has cake and ice cream and blow out candles on my birthday?

    I really need to start drinking.

  6. SA, I did cake with my family on Monday night. I still have half the cake left, but after seeing J-Money’s abs, I think its days are numbered.

  7. SA- No way, we totally still do that! This weekend we’ll be lighting so many candles for my Dad that Smokey Bear will hit me in the face with his shovel.

    And Clare, holy crap, this post made me spit a mouthful of Combos out onto my keyboard. Hilaaaarious!!!

  8. “Clare wrote herself endless notes. But she’d get mixed up. I’ve got a more graceful solution to the memory problem. I’m disciplined and organized. I use habit and routine to make my life possible. Clare had no drive. No reason to make it work.”

  9. SA–when I’m home, which is Not Much, my family still does the cake thing. My mom works with elementary school kids, so this will probably never stop at our house. Also, she sent me an Easter basket. Containing all manner of delicious bath products instead of candy, but still.

  10. Holly – Big Wangs has good fried zucchini. The place is a dump, but the food it good.

    We still need to go to the place downtown that has fried pickles. I LOVE fried pickles.

    (Quick, I need to look at that pic of J-Money’s abs so I don’t eat all this crap!)

  11. Holly, we totally do Easter baskets still. Last year my roommate came home with me for Easter, so she had a basket too and then my brother’s friend ended up crashing with us randomly the night before Easter, so in the morning my mom threw a basket together for him.

  12. Redhead: it seems less like anything Subliminal (really, now?), & more like the monologue titled “Brazil” on Henry Rollins’s Think Tank talking disc.

    StarterWife: still only in your thirties, but off the yayo? You shouldn’t be easing into retirement so soon.

    G-Shumway: nice on calling him “Smokey Bear”, so, sans ‘the’. Also, I hear ye on the Easter baskets into one’s twenties/thirties from the parental units.

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