Spring Training Report – Non-Baseball Variety

Day 2 : Tampa, Florida – ACC Basketball Championship
@ St. Pete Times Forum

Yeah, I know- with a “Spring Training” title, you’d expect to see pictures of baseball hotties in their sexy baseball unis. Instead, there’s a picture of a basketball arena, which signals that the only pictures you’re going to see will be of gangly dudes in big, loose shorts. Just thank the stars that I’m reporting in on the ACC championship- otherwise, if it was the SEC, you could be faced with pictures of gangly dudes in big, loose shorts with weird alligator-print jerseys.

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I Was There: North Carolina-Michigan State

Beads OK, first, I didn’t go to Michigan State. But I would rather eat a bag of aquarium gravel than cheer for UNC, so yesterday I was all “Go Green! Go White!” all the time, even though my entire family was decked out in a shade of blue that they call “Carolina ” while I defer to J.Crew’s description of “Rich Peri” in a sad attempt to feel better about the tees I just ordered.

MaskThere were about 10,000 other unique snowflakes rocking the light blue, since the game was in Winston-Salem which is only about five Cracker Barrels away from Chapel Hill. From all the seersucker, the Topsiders, and men named Worthington Fenimore Tartarcontrol “Whitey” Textilemill, it was obviously a Tarheel crowd.

We got to our seats right when Carolina was warming up and Tyler “They Call Me Psycho T Because I’m Real Psycho and T is my Favorite Color” Hansbrough was alternately taking jumpers and fidgeting with his mask. I tried to get chants of “Cher’s Your Mom” and “Eric Stoltz” started but they didn’t catch on. I like to think that maybe it was just too early. Continue reading

East Teams: Looking Pretty Damn Good

Look, if you read Ladies… you’re watching the tournament. And I don’t need to say how fucking good North Carolina and Georgetown look. I didn’t buy into the Georgetown hype, but I am now. And Vandy? Where the hell was this all year? Seriously, where was it? Yeah, you beat Florida, but that was when they were bored with SEC play. Thank you for making me look smart and taking you to get to the Sweet 16. Thank you. Oh yeah, and giving us a good game.

But with winning comes losing and we won’t be seeing Washington State, Boston College (go to hell BC), and Michigan State anymore this year. Aww, that’s too bad because Drew Neitzel’s cute headshot will be put away for the next eight months. See people, yet another reason to hate Carolina.

Drew Neitzel

Oh Drew. I can make things better for you. I can make the pain go away.

UNC 81 Michigan State 61
Georgetown 62 Boston College 55
Vanderbilt 78 Washington State 74 (2OT)