Beyond this entrance gate, much hotness can be found…
I’ve got your viewer’s guide to all the hotties playing the links this weekend at the U.S. Open at Oakmont outside lovely and scenic (really!) Pittsburgh, PA. And thank you USGA and Oakmont for letting spectators take cameras onto the course, at least for the practice rounds, because I’ve also got pictures.
Can those cute dimples carry Zach to an Open victory?
Take a gander at all the guys to watch for after the jump…
And the top five hottest gladiators stepping into the ring, err, onto the links:
#5 – Justin
Justin is my golf boyfriend- he’s a Longhorn! and hot! – so, of course, he had to make the list. The chances of seeing him atop the Leaderboard are slim- but we can enjoy the scenery anyway.
#4 – Eric
Eric was the mystery hottie- the guy who jumped onto our radar when he played through with Garcia, Villegas and Olazábal on Monday (and you gotta be pretty good looking to stand out in that crowd)… and then solidified his place in the Top 5 with his gorgeous butt clad in these great turquoise pants on Wednesday. He is stacked in all the right places.
#3 – Zach
He looks like Joaquin Phoenix, except with a dimpled bashful smile instead of a slightly creepy leer. He also is one of the sharpest dressers, and has shoulders to die for. Mega bonus points to him for not punching Vijay Singh in the face when Vijay decided to insert himself unannounced into Zach’s pairing group on Monday.
#2 – Sergio
The sexy Spaniard rocks a pair of grey pants like no other, and he’s all muscular and broad- plus he had SCRUFF, y’all. Add in the pensive thumb bite that he’s prone to do while setting up his shot, and you’ve got near perfection. Plus, he stopped and signed autographs for every kid that asked. Awwww!
#1 – Adam
Could it be anyone other than Adam? Too cool to be confined by rules like “play through with your pairing group”, Adam randomly wandered up with his caddie on the 18th green near me to shoot around at the pin. I did not object. When you’re that hot, you can pretty much get away with anything.
Other notable superlatives:
The Total Package – Tiger Woods
Skills. Smile. Smarts. Simoleons. Tiger has it all.
Best Butt – Scott Verplank
He’s an Okie, so for me to give him this award, you know his butt had to be OUTSTANDING. We wanted to call him “Smurfy Butt”- but that sort of took away from the sexiness. So we settled on calling him “Blue Butt” – which is so much better. I did not tell him about his nickname.
Cutest Smile – Ernie Els
Come on now, that’s sweet.
Hottest Fashion Accessory – Phil Mickelson
All the cool kids are wearing wrist braces.
Best Dressed (Pittsburgh Colors!) – Luke Donald
The yellow-on-yellow striped shirt was a winner, no matter what my friend Kat says. Yellow is only for the bold- and judging by Luke’s sly grin here, he’s got bold down to an art form.
Worst Dressed And Yet Still Hot – Nick Dougherty
Maybe practicing in these hideous salmon pants brought him luck, because Nick currently sits atop the Leaderboard. Points to him for the great belt and hair… but SALMON? Come on, Nicky.
Sexiest Accent – Padraig Harrington
Sitting on the box at 12 and listening to Padraig and his caddy talk in those Irish accents? Heaven. Even better, he played through with a certain sexy Englishman, so it was hot accents all around. Speaking of which, Paul Casey deserves an award for “Best Use Of A Prop”:
Refreshing and delicious!
Biggest Homer – Chris DiMarco
I think he’s a Gator fan. Let’s examine the evidence:
Good luck at Oakmont, hotties… and god speed!
I’ve been watching the stream, (listening more like it – just clicking over when the hotties come up), for the past two days. How have I never noticed how cute Nick Daugherty was until now?
I know! He was meandering around in those salmon pants (wtf?), and my friend and I almost gasped at his hotness. A girl standing behind us said, and I quote, “WHOA.” Indeed, girl whose name I don’t know. Indeed.
(but I did have to subtract points for the hideous fashion choice- so he missed the Top 5)
Question, then: if not a golf course, are there -any- circumstances in which salmon pants are allowed?
Cruise ship lounge singer? Paas easter egg factory worker? Nope, definitely not ever allowed.
And how badass, by the way, that you went to the Open.
(Leonard’s already two-over for the day, through only five holes. Damnit.)
I NEVER thought I would ogle salmon pants. What has become of me?
You never saw a guy who looked like this wearing them?
If you have a pair of salmon pants, Peter, you wear them loud and proud. (covering my bases in case you had a pair hanging in the back of your closet)
Whoa…a Lady in Pittsburgh. Drop by for a high 5!
Pittsburgh done me right, Tecmo Bowl. I had a blast at PNC on Tuesday and Wednesday nights- and Oakmont was (of course) rockin’.
I’m not hot enough to pull it off, TG. Not even close.
But I’m jealous of men who are.
Well, to be fair, Nick Dougherty couldn’t pull it off. I don’t think ANYONE can. We all found him hot *in spite* of those hideous things, not because of.
Also, don’t sell yourself short, P.
Seriously, does Justin Leonard actually possess a top lip? I only nitpick because, though I golf, I will never make a hot golfers list.
OH YES. I’m sorry- I drifted off there for a moment. You were saying? Oh, yeah- I’m not too concerned with his top lip. (but noted)
So Texas Gal does nothing except go to random sporting events? Good to know. See you at the Hot Dog eating contest.
Already went. Got some GREAT photos.
“Samoleons”? I love you Tex.
Was thinking the same thing, Baba Oje.
A TexasGal post is basically another announcement of another trip I wish I had gone on.
Last stop? Austin.
Now -that’s- the life.
How’d that guy get worst dressed? He’s got a pair of salmon colored bellbottoms.
Adam Scott is fairly fabulous…but where is Jesper Parnevik?
Ooooh, I think Zach Johnson is so cute. Way to represent, Cedar Rapids!
Great pictures, as always. Seriously, you are amazing. I want to travel with Texas Gal.
Jesper is not at the Open, Anthony. Hence the lack of mentions or pictures. And much to the consternation of my friend Kat, Freddie Couples was not there, either.
Fortunately for me, Justin was there (even though he didn’t play the Masters). Sergio is my golf infatuation, but Justin is my first golf boyfriend.
ALSO: what is up with all the hot players from England? Nick Dougherty, Luke Donald, Aaron Baddeley, Lee Westwood… even Justin Rose is cute (and Ian Poulter would be cuter if he’d quit with the crazy wardrobe). I mean, you expect HOT from the Aussies and the Spaniards… but the English? Unexpectedly gorgeous.
And a moment of silence for our fallen hotties, who did not make the cut:
I love the name Padraig. So very much. If we have another kid, I hope it is a boy so I can suggest the name Padraig and have my wife roundly reject it.
Also…Zach Johnson…too God-y.
Now that you mention it, it is not surprising that Jesper is not there…he can barely cut it on the easy courses.
Yeah, I just ignore the God-y stuff, Anthony. If he wants to thank God for his wins, that’s his thing and it’s fine.
Texy, your friend Kat and I would get along. I love Freddie Couples.
British golfers are, apparently, the only Britons who can afford proper dental work.
Ernie Els is gross, but I think i would like to hang out with him.
LA- if you are like my friend Kat, then check out David Toms- he was her substitute golf boyfriend since Freddie wasn’t there. (but if I’m being honest, it’s mostly because he smiled and winked at her on the 12th box before teeing off- which I can totally understand)
I also love the name Padraig, Anthony.
And Ernie is not gross- he’s like the doofy guy in school who turns out to be really really awesome. And he ain’t hard on the eyes, either- he’s better looking in person than on film.
For Andrea: David Toms teeing off. He actually reminds me a lot of Luke Donald.
David Toms is my homeboy. We actually live about a mile from each other. He is a terrific guy and represents the homeown very well. I just hope he wins it.
Nice, Texas. David Toms is not bad at all, though I don’t often go for blondes. Not sure why.
Me neither, LA (I just noticed all of my Top 5 above have brown hair!).
Wow… I feel the same about blondes. TSB is the only blonde I’ve ever had more than a fling with.
Have Conan O’Brien, Ernie Els, & the tall guy that I met at the MTV Wanna be a VJ? “casting-call” in Chicago in April ’99 ever been seen in the same place, at the same time?
I am guessing your upset a non-hottie won the tournament
Cabrera was so freakin’ excited to win- he was clutching the trophy like a jolly little kid- I can’t be too upset.
But, yeah, the missed opportunity to see Adam or Luke or Serge or Zach kissing the silver trophy is sad.
I just wanna eat Sergio Garcia’s ass all day and night.Take his cock and swallow every inch until hot cum shoots down my throat then we would kiss and snowball all that cum.