* Say it ain’t so, Joe! Twin Cities hottie Joe Mauer went on the 15-day DL Sunday with a strain in his left quad muscle, described as the kind of injury resulting from a high impact (like in football). [Darling Joe, take it easy on those thigh muscles, baby]
* Pat Burrell notched a few hits and more than a few walks this weekend against the Giants. He’s finally heating up his bat after a wicked 0-fer streak. Pat says he’s “seeing the ball better”. [Maybe those new contact lenses this season have helped]
* News flash: Ryan Langerhans did not get traded to another new team today. The Ryan Roulette wheel settled on the Nationals (for now)- just in time for some lovely scenery views from Wrigley’s left field bleachers this weekend. He also (finally) got two hits on Sunday (bringing his average to a whopping .093). [The obscurity of being a Nat apparently agrees with him]
* Huston Street‘s 51-game streak without giving up a homerun came to an end on Saturday against the Rays, and also cost him the save. But the hottest man on the hottest roster in baseball (even without Langerhans) was back in fine form with a save on Sunday. [And, really, Huston is always in fine form]
* The Brewers are the hottest team in the NL (21 wins), and J.J. Hardy is one of the prime reasons. J.J. is a on a 17-game hitting streak, which includes a homer on Friday and another on Saturday (8 on the season so far). [Every ball is J.J.’s bitch] And just because I can, a bonus video of J.J. talking about Saturday’s win (that voice!) – and a picture of his best asset at Miller Park on Friday night, straight from my camera to you:
Thanks for making my Miller Park visit so memorable, darling J.J.
Ladies... 
Does this mean Joe Mauer needs someone to massage his thighs? Because I’m available.
Considering that Joe is 6’5″ (and pushing 6’6″), that’s a lot of thigh muscle. So I’d be willing to help as well.
JJ, is there an ass in there somewhere? Christ, get a smaller size pant!
Whatever sorcery you worked on JJ over the weekend? Keep doing it Texy. He is carrying me team.
Pam, I could not agree more. We never have a problem seeing Pat’s ass, because he wears his pants 2 sizes too small – as they should be.
And Jebus, I would be more than happy to continue working over JJ.
What’s a good Texan like yourself doing in a god-forsaken hellhole like Milwaukee?
hint: the answer had damn well better be “beer”.
Three reasons: (1) beer, (2) baseball, (3) boys. Oh, and JJ Hardy and his sweet ass.
Hurry back Joe!
I leave that part of the country in 2005. Why Joe? Why couldn’t you be healthy in 2004 when I could have seen you play?