Some teams are blessed with an overabundance of hotties (I’m looking at you, Oakland). Some teams are cursed with a complete absence of lookers (I’m talking to you, Anaheim).
And then there are the Astros.
The Houston Astros don’t have a ton of fug, they don’t have a ton of heat. They’ve just got a roster full of nice-looking chaps, guys who look like the type you’d take home to meet mom (and who’d remember to bring along some flowers for her). Plus one really, REALLY smoking hot dude.
So rather than post a bunch of bland pictures, I’m gonna post random pictures of all the cuties, doing random things, to keep it interesting. And then I’m gonna give you a whole mess of pictures of the hottie. Deal?
Take a gander at the Gulf Coast boys after the jump…
Craig Biggio, 2B
Of course I had to put Mr. 3000, and his baby face, on the list
Matt Albers, RP
I volunteer to help him out with that
Lance Berkman, 1B
Fat Elvis (nicknamed by his teammates) lost some weight recently (since this pic),
and is now the proud owner of a great ass
Carlos Lee, LF
The charming grin? The Papi-esque facial hair? So cute!
Dan Wheeler, RP
OK, this pic isn’t “random” – his eyes just looked lovely.
I think he’s pondering his future when Lidge comes off the DL.
Chris Sampson, SP
Dimples + forearms + frustration
Brad Lidge, RP
I hear that pics of men holding their kids makes some women all squishy inside.
If you’re one of those kind, this is for you.
Hunter Pence, CF
Giving a kiss to the very first ball he hit in the big leagues.
Clare thinks he looks like a bobblehead. She’s kinda right.
Brandon Backe, RP
He is really PUMPED about something.
Bonus cute grin from Brad Lidge behind him.
Jason Jennings, SP
Looks so wholesome, he could be in a Milk ad.
Nolan Ryan, THE MAN
Hottest. Astro. Ever.
Luke Scott, RF
Giving God props for that sweet ass.
Chad Qualls, RP
Come on now. That’s precious.
Eric Munson, C
This is for Clare- who sent me a text during the Astros-Phillies game I was at on Wed., that read: “Damn, whoever is catching for the Stros today is HOT)
Mark McLemore, RP
The tongue of intense concentration.
Roy Oswalt, SP
This is for Lady Andrea, who appreciates Roy’s redneck charms.
And the Hottie McHotterson of the bunch… Brad Ausmus, C.
Ladies... 
I would pay an obscene amount of money to get back the Nolan Ryan Nike ad that hung on my dorm room wall in college.
You know the one; just a close up of his arm with all of his stats, the owning of the ranches, the banking stuff, etc.
Obscene.
Dayum, I knew Ausmus was hot, I didn’t realize he was that hot.
And the pic of Lidge with the baby did make me all squishy inside.
Lance Berkman makes me lightheaded, he’s so cute. Both versions. Staring at Ausmus should result in a Hail Mary, or six, and at least three Our Fathers. My Lord.
I was holding Ausmus’s lousy performance those two weeks I had him as a C in one of my fantasy leagues against him, until this post. All is forgiven! What a hottie!
Oswalt’s not a redneck! He’s just…..gritty and has a thick drawl and……from Mississippi. Okay, fine. He’s a redneck.
I do not care. I am an equal opportunity ogler.
Just because Astros owner Drayton McClane bought Oswalt a giant tractor a couple of years ago does not make you a redneck….on second thought, maybe it does. But don’t worry about it LA, at least he is a hell of a pitcher. And my dad is a redneck, so I have some love for the thick-drawled Southerners.
Carlos Lee, Diamond David Lee Roth salutes you.
PANAMA.
I was watching the Mets/Astros last night, and I looove that there’s a group of fan called “Los Caballitos”, complete with stick ponies!
So awesome.
They bring those stick ponies EVERY GAME. And they are always drunk (at least, the adults are).
There is nothing wrong with a thick-drawled Southerner. Nothin’ at all.
Hey, until I became a broadcaster I WAS a thick-drawled Southerner. And that is just the way I want my ladies…
In my opinion, the Astros are the hottest team. Luke Scott (and his amazing butt) and Brandon Backe are the best looking guys. Then Ausmus, Biggio, Oswalt, McLemore, Pence, Burke, and Sampson are all hot too. I’m suprised that Burke and Everett were left off. Everett isn’t exactly hott but there is something so cute about him. I love his ears!
IMO, Berkman is lookin’ fine these days. I always thought he was a cutie…
This Week in Baseball has been doing a lot on Biggio. Good grief, that guy is always going to look young.
Also, would Chevy please quit using the This is Our Country song. I liked John Mellencamp’s old stuff, but I am so sick of hearing him that I can’t hardly listen to his early music anymore.
I was just catching up on Uni Watch postings and saw this pic of Berkman’s assets:
Very nice.
Andie — you think his tractor’s sexy? Yeah, me too. :-)
I think Brad A. was giving us some “Blue Steel” in the next-to-last pic.
b-e-a-U-tiful
Thank you so much for including Nolan Ryan. What a hottie he was in the 70’s and 80’s.
Hello, Jason Jennings, how ya doin’?
No kidding, huh? Jason is quite the looker.
Oh MUH GAWD!!!.. did anyone see Lee at the All Star Game?? I just wanted to squeeze his hips and do some naughty things. Too bad Oswalt didnt get to play. I was looking forward to seeing his Juicy ass. Ugh.. I’d give anything to be a fly on that wall.. or anything to be on Backes or Lukes Jock Strap. My oh my what a site.
I beter go before this Orgasm becomes Public.. :(
TTYL :)