I Can Has Wurld Serees Tikets?

Approximately 13 hours. That’s how much time Texas Gal and I each–each!–spent trying to buy World Series tickets on Monday and Tuesday. Granted, I’m unemployed and probably would’ve just spent those hours rearranging my fridge magnets or seeing how many Teddy Grahams I could fit into my mouth at once, but still…

See, the Rockies were selling Series tickets on their website starting on Monday but the servers crashed faster than Kiefer Sutherland on a three day bender. After many postponed press conferences and a cryptic reference to “malicious attacks”, they tried again yesterday. Lots of people managed to get tickets…just not us.

What could we do, except document our quest for tickets? Join us for “The Five Stages of ColoradoRockies.Com”

Monday: Day One

Denial

aka “Maybe If We Just Keep Refreshing the Page…”

TexasGal: Their web server keeps timing out- but I’m going to hit refresh until I can’t any more…

GordonShumway: I’m doing the same thing. I’ve been kicked to 3 different servers (ev14, ev15, ev8) and I hope like mad that one of them will finally connect. One of them has to connect.

TexasGal: ME TOO. Same 3. They seem to have me on ev8 now- and I’m hoping that’s the lucky one.

GordonShumway: I’m on ev8 too. Waiting for it…waiting for it…waiting for it…

TexasGal: Now I’m in the purple text/countdown room, just can’t get past it.

GordonShumway: The purple room? It’s like you found the warp zone or something. I’m waiting for ev14 again. Hooray.
GordonShumway: Finally got the purple room!
GordonShumway: Aaaaaand….promptly lost it. It counted down twice and now I’m waiting for ev8 again.

TexasGal: Waiting For Ev8 by Samuel Beckett

GordonShumway: A Tragicomedy in Two Acts. And Three Servers.

TexasGal: I am going bonkers.

Anger

aka: “What is EFFING Wrong With This EFFING SITE? COME ON!”

GordonShumway: This is so tedious! Maybe some of the others will have to give up and go back to, like, doing their jobs or something.

TexasGal: GOOD LORD PEOPLE! Go do your work and leave us unemployed people alone!

GordonShumway: Yeah, go put some papers in a folder or order a new desk chair or something. Get busy.

TexasGal: GOD THIS SUCKS. WE’VE REFRESHED FOR TWO AND A HALF HOURS? REALLY?

GordonShumway: There are serious server problems, apparently. I googled a couple Denver TV stations and they’re all reporting that as of noon mountain time, only a few people had managed to buy tickets. The Rockies’ brass are holding a press conference soon.

TexasGal: They’re reporting now that ticket selling is suspended.

GordonShumway: FUCK.

TexasGal: FUCK.

ColoradoRockies.com: This morning the Rockies’ ticketing provider Paciolan experienced a system wide outage that is impacting all of their North American customers. They are working hard to resume service as soon as possible and apologize to their customers and all fans for this impact.

GordonShumway: The Denver Channel is reporting now that they’ve had to close some streets around Coors Field because of heavy pedestrian traffic. I have a mental image of the torch-bearing villagers from Frankenstein.

TexasGal: The Colorado Rockies say they will once again sell World Series tickets through their Web site starting on Tuesday at noon. They say the system was brought down on Monday by an “external malicious attack.”

GordonShumway: A malicious attack? If we cannot buy World Series tickets, the Terrorists win.

TexasGal: THREAT LEVEL PURPLE!!!!!!!

GordonShumway: I still sincerely believe that the Boston Red Sox will read about our miserable time in Cleveland and reward us with tickets to the Series. And then they will build me a new house out of unicorn bones.

Tuesday: Day Two

Denial

aka: “Surely, Things Will Go More Smoothly Today”

GordonShumway: My Purple Room is about to time out… it’s doing that “waiting for ev3.evenue.net” shit again. The shit they were supposed to fix!

TexasGal: This stupid site STILL keeps timing out.

GordonShumway: I HATE YOU COLORADOROCKIES.COM! I HATE YOU AND YOUR ASS FACE!

Bargaining

aka “At This Point, I’m Even Willing to Start Thinking of Others”

GordonShumway: I talked with one of our commenters who lives in Colorado. Since he’s looking for a pair of tickets and we’re looking for a pair, we agreed to buy four and sell the extras to each other. That has to be good karma, right?

TexasGal: OK, so I’ll buy 4 if I get through. That’s a big “if

GordonShumway: Yeah, the kind of “if” like “if I see Dustin Pedroia on the street, he will fall madly in love with me, give me a piggyback ride, and we’ll share a cup of pudding” kind of “if“.

TexasGal: He has such an attitude, I love it. Like, his tiny body cannot contain all of his awesomeness, so it explodes into this huge egotastic attitude. I love him so much.

GordonShumway: I do too. He’s adorable and I want to snuggle with him and trade articles of clothing since we are exactly the same size.

Depression

aka “Why Do I Want to Listen to Dashboard Confessional Right Now?”

GordonShumway: I’m just insanely worried that I just paid to fly across the country to watch the games in a bar.

The Denver Channel: Rockies Tickets Appear Hard To Come By … Again
In the first hour of the second attempt at online Colorado Rockies World Series sales, it appeared few to no fans were able to buy tickets. Some people appeared to be close to buying tickets but their connections were timed out early Tuesday afternoon.

GordonShumway: Ugh. I hate this placeholder screen and I hate the stupid Rockies logo and I hate the color purple.

TexasGal: The movie?

Shug: I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field and don’t notice it.

TexasGal: Apparently, they’re expecting a sellout any minute now.

GordonShumway: How exactly do I type out that I’m choking on my own sobs?

Acceptance

aka “Our Plane Tickets Are Non-Refundable and We’ve Already Made Posters”

GordonShumway:

Stubhub

TexasGal:

ACE

GordonShumway:

Craigslist

TexasGal:

Ebay

Author’s note: We are kind of scrambling to find seats for the weekend so we can see our beloved Boston Red Sox. We’re checking out all of the usual sites and calling strangers on craigslist, but most of the craigslist want ads are from people

–whose doctors told them they would die immediately upon completion of Game 3 if they weren’t at Coors Field

–women who mention their Ford Fiesta-sized breasts and their willingness to trade sexual favors for Rockpile seats

–Men who just need two seats and hope that someone will help them carry their daughter’s iron lung into the stadium

How can we compete with that? I could tell people that I have the body of a rock star… they’d just be disappointed to learn that it was Clay Aiken. Most of the ticket brokers are way out of our price range. Did I mention I’m unemployed? And that those Teddy Grahams are store brand, like “Harris Teeter’s Box of Bear Bits” or something?

So, for reals, if anyone has any reasonably priced (read: I’m willing to sell my plasma, but not my eggs) seats for Games 3 or 4, let us know. We’ll even make you a sign.

37 thoughts on “I Can Has Wurld Serees Tikets?

  1. What, so you’re willing to sell the stuff you’re using but not the stuff you’re OHMYGODWHYAREYOUDRIVINGATMEWITHAWINNEBAGOOHGODDON’TBACKUPAGAINOWJESUSLORDLOVEADUCKSTOPHITTINGMEWITHTHERV

  2. Ladies…I am in the same boat, and have several friends who live in Denver. They’re trying like hell, and emailing and texting me at every promising turn. I have already booked a ticket for Saturday, hoping for the best. If anything should happen (like someone getting four, when in reality, I only need two), I promise you two will be the first to know. You’ll just have to buy me a beer as a thank you. And, pay for the tickets, of course.

    More to come…

  3. Yostal- Yes, similar experiences but ours went on in that fashion for many hours. And involved a 120 second countdown and, eventually, a threat that refreshing the page would make us “lose [our] place in line”.

    CMG- That? Would be awesome. We would buy you multiple beers. And a foam finger.

  4. A foam finger? Fuck and yes! Not quite a Cubs (or Bears) Claw, but fucking sweet for sure.

    Seriously, though…I feel like we’re making some progress, and that the frustration is turning to fruition (fingers crossed)!

    In the meantime, Game One tonight. GO SOX!

  5. Yeah, I went through the same thing in 2005 for the White Sox — the stupid countdown clock and all. Of course, those tickets were sold out in about 20 minutes or so, as there were a whopping 2000 tickets available for each game. Needless to say, I didn’t get tickets. I was just happy my dad got to go having followed the team his entire life (he knew a season ticket holder through a work connection and got tickets), and at least I’d gone to what was the most famous game of the playoff run (the ‘dropped’ third strike).

    The Cubs have that same system for their regular season tickets the day they go on sale. I had that window up for like 8 hours before I finally got through.

  6. I got the shakes just from seeing the pictures of those screens again. Living in Denver, I’ve always liked the Rockies and thought that I’d feel bad for rooting against them, but after the ordeal I went through the past 2 days I hope the Rockies lose all 7 games by 40+ runs each. (Beating them 4 times would not be sufficient.)

  7. Yeah, it was not a good time. Sitting in front of my computer for 5 hours a day looking at pictures of Jacoby Ellsbury? Awesome. Watching a timer count down from 120 approximately 8,319 times? Not so much.

    Vanilla, we’ll take you out for a beer too.

  8. Hey, it’s not all bad… I just got stood up. Okay, it’s not really ‘standing up’ if the girl emails you to tell you she has to bail on the date, but I at least get to watch Game 1.

    If I may.. I feel it’s karmic payback for my not weasling out. I made the date last week without realizing it was the same night as Game 1, and instead of canceling, I decided to suck it up.

    She did me a favor and I have a guilt card I can still play. Who says chivalry is dead?

  9. Wow… I CANT HAS SPELLCHKUR.

    Funny, I just let it auto-fill. Bet it’s like that on all my ladies… comments. But thanks for the hot tip.

  10. *double-checks to make sure her own name is spelled correctly*

    Whew. Good there.

    Ladies…good luck. Maybe if you displayed your racks in some fashion, the eBay (asshole) sellers would give you a fair price.

    …kidding. (I think.)

  11. Precre…I mean, Precious Roy, I’ve noticed your extra ‘r’ before but I swear I thought it was some kind of inside joke that I just didn’t get…

    And Minda, my rack wouldn’t get me any favors, but I would be willing to display the company logo of ticket seller’s choosing on my abs. For the entire game. Regardless of temperature.

  12. All I know is if Derek Lowe ends up throwing out the first pitch at Fenway tomorrow night and I don’t get to see his first game back in Boston because of the stupid World Series I am literally throwing myself off a roof.

  13. I managed to score tickets on Tuesday when they went on sale, and now I feel incredibly guilty. I was going through the same loading and reloading crap, but I nearly fainted when I finally got through and the system offered me seats.

    On the other hand, I am now $500 poorer.

  14. Chris, $500 poorer with guaranteed seats sounds good to me.

    I’m out $600 to Expedia, and all that’s gotten me is an American Airlines window seat and the opportunity to view the game in the La Quinta lobby.

  15. There are some pretty depressed Rockies fans in my office this morning. If the Sox can beat them that badly again tonight some of these ‘new’ baseball fans out here will start giving their tickets away.

  16. Sigh. Pam, you know now I’m just going to have to try it. Perhaps using a variety of Hershey’s manufactured products in this giant bag I bought for the trick or treaters. Um, yeah. The trick or treaters.

  17. The only bad part is having to unwrap those little fuckers. And yes, I buy Halloween candy, um, “for the kids”, every year…

  18. In order not to eat the trick or treaters’ candy, I buy candy I hate. The kids who come to my house know me as “the girl who gives out Mounds and Almond Joy.”

  19. Another way to stop eating the candy is to not buy it. Just place an empty basket outside your house w/ a sign that says “please take one”. The kids will think they missed out, and someone else got all the candy.

    Fortunately for me, I wont be home, since the Devils have a game that night.

  20. I would egg the holy hell out of doug’s house and I’m 32 years old.

    Colorado fans were all up in arms since anyone, including Boston residents could go online and order tickets, shutting out hometown fans. Tough. I was in Denver just after labor day and you could’ve gotten any seat in the house on the cheap. Let’s hear it for Bandwagon fans.

  21. I used to work with a guy who was too cheap to buy Halloween candy so he and his family instead ate dinner by candlelight, hoping the neighborhood kids would think that he wasn’t home. Not that the two Lexuses (Lexii?) would be a tipoff or anything.

    Here’s hoping that this year someone finally poops in his birdbath.

  22. Another way to stop eating the candy is to not buy it. Just place an empty basket outside your house w/ a sign that says “please take one”. The kids will think they missed out, and someone else got all the candy.

    that’s ….just….mean.

  23. I love the part you have in here about Dustin Pedroia!! He is so small and adorable that its okay for him to have a massive ego, as long as he doesn’t grow past 5″10.

    My cousins had tickets for this for gave 5 but they never got to go since it was a shut out and all. lol. GO SOX! =]

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