The Only Finals Preview You Need (Also Christina’s): Lakers Edition

The NBA’s most storied franchises, the Celtics and the Lakers, have met nine times in its Finals. Between the two, they hold twenty-nine of the league’s sixty championships, and one or both have been there 39 of its sixty years. As I learned at Basketbawful, home of great basketball analysis, eighteen of the league’s official Top 50 players of all time are from these two teams. Where do this year’s teams place in the pantheon of great Celtics and Lakers teams of the fifties, sixties and eighties? By extension, how does this year’s Finals match up with those of the past, and how do today’s player’s?

I think the most important question to ask, though, is this: who cares? We’re all about the here and now, people, and tonight there are talented hotties playing basketball.

This year’s Finals have two of the League’s all-time greatest players in Kobe Bryant and Kevin Garnett, along with three of the best players in the league in Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, and Pau Gasol. Unfortunately, none of these are that objectively attractive. I mean, you can love them for their play and personalities – and trust me, I do, at least in the case of Jesus and Paul Pierce – but, ultimately, nobody really wants to ogle them. And really, ogling is what’s important here. Besides, Christina already did an analysis of the Boston “hotties”, so I’ll leave them alone.

Now, I hate to admit it, but the Lakers are pretty hot. Kobe and Pau may not be, but one must admit that they have a very attractive young bench. I mean, there’s Sasha Vujacic (along with Kobe’s biceps):

He’s a cutie, seriously.

Luke Walton, much better looking than his dad, thankfully (though with additional silly tattoo):

You like quirky-hot? Well, there’s Jordan Farmar, who I find deeply, strangely attractive. I think it’s the hair. Or maybe the ears:

All of this said and all those hotties aside, here’s the thing: I don’t really like the Lakers that much. I mean, I don’t dislike them, and there are players on the team that I genuinely like, but I don’t want them winning the championship. I feel like Kobe’s still got time to get his no-Shaq ring, and that the rest of the team is so young and talented that they’re certain to get theirs in their careers. Two words that sum up youth and talent: Andrew Bynum. Speaking of, here’s a picture of non-injured Andrew Bynum and his upper arms/shoulders:

However, I have a feeling that they will win. They clicked so firmly together this year, particularly after the trade that brought Pau Gasol to LA, that they’ve had little to no trouble against any opponent since. Contrast that to Boston, who, though unstoppable in the regular season, have been quite stoppable in the playoffs. Indeed, one could say that they’re lucky to be in the Finals at all, burgeoning talent and experience notwithstanding. And they are talented; that can’t be overstated. Well, okay, it can, but I’m not from Boston. In fact, given the fact that every single asshole I know is from Boston, Ohio or Pennsylvania (seriously, I live in Florida, it’s weird), and that Boston sports fans are revolting, it kind of kills me to root for the Celtics. But if it had to be one of these two teams, I’d rather it be the one with ringless KG, Jesus, and Paul Pierce. Lakers in seven.

Ronny Turiaf thinks that’s an exciting prediction. Let’s leave on a happy and also slightly awkward note: