Hot Stove Hotties: Because we don’t hear nearly enough about Mark Teixeira

Each week this Hot Stove season, we’ll look at some done deals and juicy rumors involving our favorite MLB hotties, and the occasional not-really-a-hottie, but still worth talking about.

Ugh. Can free agent first baseman Mark Teixeira just go away already? Seriously, this garbage has gone on ALL offseason. It’s ridiculous; the guy should just sign somewhere and get it over with. He has a great deal of talent, but I’m sick of typing all those E’s and I’s all the time, you know?

"Yay, I'm holding up the whole market!"

Jerk. Here are the latest Tex rumors, and there’s more Hot Stove stuff after the thing.The story that actually involved something happening was shortstop Rafael Furcal. These were actually some pretty dramatic, undercutting, conniving dealings. Here’s how it went:

It's DRAMA!

Furcal and agent Paul Kinzer: Oh hey Atlanta Braves, I like what you’re puttin’ on the table for us. I think we’re gonna go for it.
Braves GM Frank Wren: Cool, I’ll fax over some of the papers in the morning. Let’s get this done, guys!
Furcal/Kinzer: All right, that will totally happen!
Wren: [faxes papers]
Furcal/Kinzer: Yoink! You know that verbal agreement we shared? We totally had our fingers crossed! Suckaaaaa! [high five]
Wren: [snaps fingers in a Z-shaped formation]
Furcal: [signs with the Dodgers instead]

So that’s what went down. I shouldn’t make fun, because it was a seriously backhanded thing for Furcal and his agents to do, and I do not blame Wren one bit for not wanting to do business with them anymore. I know it’s technically legal for Furcal et al to do what they did – nothing was on paper, and no one can prove any deal was ever even going to happen in the first place.  Says NYRoyal from this Royals Review discussion:

As an attorney, I can tell you that handshake agreements and verbal contracts aren’t worth the paper they’re not printed on. The Braves claim they had a deal agreed to. Kinzer claims there was not yet a meeting of the minds. Long story short: no contract, verbal or otherwise. Those are the breaks. Sometimes people play dirty.

So yeah. It wasn’t illegal, but I think it was dirty. Atlanta fans and employees have every reason to harbor hard feelings toward Furcal, and even send him and his family a 14-year-old fruitcake.

Success isn't the ultimate revenge; fruitcake is.

In Phillyland, Jamie Moyer got a 2-year, $16MM contract. This is where I make some comment about his age, right? Cuz, you know, he’s all old and stuff.

Pitching for the Phillies = the fountain of youth.

Washington signed starting pitcher Daniel Cabrera to a one-year, $2.6 million deal. He makes some really funny pitcherfaces, but here’s what he looks like when he’s not pitching.

Well hello there, Daniel Cabrera. Nice "moody modelface."

We’ve been wondering about Jake Peavy since the very first HSH post, but he’s apparently staying in San Diego.

Peavy still a Padre, and still adorable.

Some other stuff did happen – here’s the complete rundown of the week at MLB Trade Rumors. Oh, and then there was also this possibly-sketchy report that Manny Ramirez signed a 3-year deal with the Yankees. Even if it proves to be false right now, Manny Being Manny While Wearing Pinstripes is probably inevitable.

Effing classic Manny.

Welp, now it’s time for Miss Minda to cower from her annual Huge Sinus Infection (which, apparently, makes her refer to herself in the 3rd person. At least it’s not a royal “we.”). It’s one of the more ridiculous Christmas traditions, but it’s unwise to defy tradition. All of the Ladies… hope you don’t forget us during this holiday week, because we’ve got a fun treat (or a few of them) for you this week.

P.S. Happy birthday, Mom!