Tom Brady’s Virility: Jump on Board!

I’m sure it’s not news to the sports world that super-studly, model-datin’, jeans-ad doin’, butt-chin havin’, actually-gets-a-ting-sound-when-he-smiles Tom Brady has two kids on the way. He has impregnated his current girlfriend, Gisele Budchen. His former girlfriend Bridget Moynahan (some of you may know her as the Idiot Stick-Figure with No Soul) is also pregnant. Personally, I’ll take Bridget over Gisele any day. I find her infinitely more attractive. Also, she played field hockey in high school, so I bet unless I’m sporting some good blow, my chances with Bridget are infinitely better.

Why this post, you may be asking yourself? Because twoeightnine, good friend to the Ladies… and total genius has designed a fantastic shirt to celebrate Tom Brady’s impending fatherhood. Mine came in the mail today and it rules! Go order one right now; it comes in a variety of colors! Also, tomorrow twoeightnine is doing an interview with the Boston Herald about the shirt. We’ll link to it as soon as it’s published. Here is how the shirt looks:

twoeightnine is a captain of industry and a king amongst men.

Step 1 [Nine days ago.]: HOLLY: “You know what I want? One of these, but with Ned.”
Step 2:
Step 3 [Tonight]: Presents!

We request that you buy as many of these as you can reasonably afford, that this darling boy might continue to make pretty things for us at our every whim. The Ladies… would like to take this moment to officially endorse the work of twoeightnine, who is all kinds of genius and also smells nice.

Call us!

When we saw the photo of Captain Caveman at the Super Bowl, our first thought was, “THE DAYSTAR! IT BURNS! AVERT YOUR EYES!” Our second thought: “How did the Cryptkeeper get a press pass?” But once our eyes adjusted to the brilliance, we realized that it wasn’t white light searing our skin, but white heat.

Meet our particular notion of What A Man Should Be, a standard to which all men we meet will be held against and found wanting. Service to his country? Check. Sports acumen? Check. Way with words? Check, and how. Don’t be fooled by his clean, non-threatening good looks, either. We hear he’s a hellcat in the sack.

It all comes back around to Namath sooner or later, doesn’t it? He’s the Kevin Bacon of the sports blogosphere. Does this make CC our Suzy Kolber? We suppose. Only hotter. Captain Caveman, we salute you.