Cute wool hats, floating heads and stupid Tebow: Your NFL Wild Card Weekend Preview

I'm just relieved this isn't an animated gif in which the outer floating heads rotate around Boomer. (Image source: ESPN)

It’s NFL WILD CARD WEEKEND! And I know this because ESPN sent me the most frightening email yesterday to remind me. I’m normally all for floating heads, but I live in fear of falling asleep and having the floating head of Keyshawn Johnson bellow “C’MON MANNNN!” in my dreams. Also, what the hell is with the green glow? The Countdown Crew are aliens, I tell you.

Meet me after the jump for a quick look at Wild Card Weekend. I have to go find my tinfoil hat first…

Five Words.

Dick. Move. Hall. Of. Fame.

Okay, look. I’ve devoted a lot of time and energy into hating the ever-loving hell out of Brett Favre for the monumental screw-job he handed Green Bay fans by first doing the ‘I MAY RETIRE OR I MAY NOT WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW’ dance and then the ‘LOLOLOLOL I AM SIGNING WITH YOUR RIVAL’ swan song. I really, really thought there couldn’t possibly be a bigger dick in organized sports than Brett Favre. I mean, the man singlehandedly held up football in Green Bay for a solid three years, and I’m pretty sure Aaron Rodgers still has Favre voodoo dolls in every room of his house.

That said? I’ve never seen an athlete so tone-deaf as to think that a nationally televised hour-long special to announce his free-agency decision smacked of anything beyond rampant egotism. That was horrifying in and of itself.

But a nationally televised hour-long special to break up with his hometown team in the most public manner possible? That’s an unprecedented level of douchebag.

Congratulations, LeBron James. You’re 2010’s entry into the Dick Move Hall of Fame. Good thing I don’t care about basketball.

On Sale Now!!!

It’s time once again for the annual NBA Free Agent Sale — and this year our deals are hotter than ever! Yes, you too, for a contract totaling only slightly more than the gross national product of Kiribati, can own your very own NBA Superstar Free Agent! We have so many great models to choose from, like this 2010 Hungry Franchise Savior:

We Wait With Bated Breath

I’m sorry – the National’s game is SOLD OUT???  Did Ted Williams come back from the freezer to don a Nat’s jersey?

Seriously, if you’ve ever been to a Nat’s game, it’s a veritable ghost town – which is fine by me, I hate waiting in line for a beer!