The Ref: Did Someone Say Baseball?

Special thanks to TheStarterWife for covering The Ref for me last week while I was in Boston for da bays baw gaymes. Those of you who missed my “all baseball, all the time” coverage (anyone? Bueller?), never fear- I’m back to overload you with MLB links.

By far, the nicest guy in baseball- according to a survey of 450+ major leaguers. How nice is Sean? After playing the Red Sox, he got up early the next morning to go serve food to homeless people at a charity he founded. Rudest guy in baseball? Barry Bonds. Anyone surprised?
HOLDING: Worst Baseball Team Ever
The team at B&C has put together the roster of the worst baseball players in history. “F*ck Face” Billy Ripken made the list. Owner Peter Angelos made the list. Shockingly, LaTroy Hawkins did not. Is there such a thing as the Worse-Than-Worst Team?
[Bugs & Cranks]
TIMEOUT: Roger Clemens
A short while ago, the Rocket’s decision to play for the Yanks looked sound. Now, with the Red Sox and Astros on fire (relatively speaking), his stated desire to play for a winning club may just get exposed… because the Yankees aren’t looking so hot. And as much as I love you, Rog, I just have to say… HAH-HAH!
[UmpBump] & Sabermetrics at [Extrapolator]
CLIPPING: Brady Anderson’s Long Ball
Aside from one 50 HR year, Brady’s numbers in the long ball department were decidedly short. No worries, though, he was still ranking off the charts in “crazy hotness” the whole time.
[Kermit the Blog]
ILLEGAL MOTION: Umpire Bill Welke
Let’s say you’re an umpire calling a game where the starting Astros pitcher just had a baby the day before, and you notice he’s still wearing the little hospital bracelet for his new child. What do you do? You make the Astros management walk out to the mound with a pair of scissors and cut the offending thing off!

The Ref: So Happy Together

TexasGal is off on another baseball trip, so please excuse me if this post has 38% less baseball than usual.  – TSW

TOUCHDOWN: More Throw-Back Unis! Padres Edition
Over at UniWatch they talk with Will DeFord from the Padres Guest Services department about the mishmash of different years used in the old new brown and yellow unis that the Padres wore last night.  Any post that uses the term “sannies” is alright with me. [UniWatch]
OFFSIDES: Mavericks
Some Dodger fans (!) have decided that the Mavs and Cuban need a new logo after their early upset this season.  If they need more of these models we can go back to my mom’s house and raid my baby sister’s My Pretty Pony Collection. [Sons Of Steve Garvey]
Was Oscar De La Hoya really sparring with a former ‘Dancing with the Stars’ contestant Mario Lopez?  Pretty much all I know about boxing comes from Rocky, and I’m pretty sure that Rock would have at least tried to workout with Master P. [The Feed]
Ike Taylor of the Pittsburgh Steelers is selling his pimped out ’86 Monte Carlo.  I’m the first to admit that the only show I still watch on MTV (and Tivo) is ‘Pimp My Ride’, but I don’t know if the guys at Gas and West Coast would approve of this redo.  Xzibit! Please pimp my ride! [MondesisHouse]
TOUCHDOWN: Ladies!                                                  We made the Blog Show this week!  Look a us playing with the big boys from With Leather, Mondesi’s House, and Deadspin.  Flattery will get you everywhere when it comes time for the seeding Mottram.[MisterIrrelevant & The Dude Abides & DC Sports Blog]

The Ref: Flashlight Alert!

TOUCHDOWN: Brett Myers
One day you win the starting spot, another day you’re relegated to the bullpen, and yet another you get a save in your first outing as the closer. Suck on that, Tom Gordon. You, too, Giants. Especially that one Giants fan screaming “Myers sucks” for the whole ninth inning. At least be original- there’s a lot of potential there.
[The 700 Level]
HOLDING: Astros Front Office
Fact:baseball players look exponentially hotter when wearing their pants the right way (a.k.a. high-cuffed). Why then does the Astros’ front office prohibit all their minor leaguers from wearing their pants the right way? Are they trying to reduce the number of groupies hanging around? Stop the madness, Astros.
[Uni Watch]
TIMEOUT: Really Long Heckle Guy
No, seriously- time out. Sit down and keep your piehole shut, unless and until you can cut down the excess verbiage… or until you can manage a more coherent rant. Unless you’re hot- in which case, take off your shirt.
[Strike Zones and End Zones]
The great sperminator, the savior of the Northeast, the face of Boston and all of New England – wears a Yankees cap? Oh, Tom, how could you. That’s like ditching a girl shortly after you get her pregnant, and then moving on to a supermodel.
[With Leather]
ILLEGAL MOTION: Mets Front Office
So you’re the Mets. A spectator gets arrested at Shea for shining a flashlight in the eyes of players, and receives jail time and a 3-year ban. What’s your next move? Well, you give away 25,000 flashlights to fans, of course! Makes perfect sense.
[Our Book Of Scrap]

The Ref: Jinxed Edition

TOUCHDOWN: Alex Rodriguez
It has come to our attention, after Torii Hunter got pegged by a fastball to the face not long after he was featured here, that there may be a Ladies… curse. If this is the case, my heartiest congrats and well wishes go out to A-Rod, for his continued dominance in the “Mr. April” title race. Many happy (jinxed) returns, buddy.
[Baseball Analysts]
First he claims Schilling’s bloody sock was a fake. And now, that he’s gotten called on it, he’s backpedaling faster than you can say, “Schilling will eat you for breakfast” — and now claims that it was all a big misunderstanding. Sure it was. Why wouldn’t we believe exactly what you say, Gare-Bear?
[Over The Monster]
OFFSIDES: Nick Saban
Convert to the ways of the Saban. Resistance is futile. 92,000 Bammers have already paved the way, if spring game attendance is any indication. There are just a few simple rules you need to learn. 10 to be exact- you might even call them commandments.
[Digital Headbutt]
CLIPPING: Craig Biggio Haters
Leave my first baseball boyfriend alone. Quit wearing that pin on your hat for cancer kids, Craig! You’re getting old, Craig! I’m gonna plunk you with this pitch, Craig! Your poor production at the plate and horrible OBP remind me of Chase Utley, Craig! Give the guy a break- or he’ll bring the AARP down on you.
TIMEOUT: Sidney Crosby
Public service announcement: TSW and all other Sidney Crosby fans across the land would like me to solicit everyone (no, not in that way) to stop by and throw a few votes his way in the Time 100 voting. He’ll reward everyone by continuing to be ridiculously HOT.

The Ref

PERSONAL FOUL: Charlie Manuel
It must be spring- we’ve gotten the first baseball coach freakout on the media (in this case, radio host Howard Eskin). And what a spectacular freakout it was- complete with threats of physical violence. And, of course, there’s video.
[The 700 Level] & [Our Book of Scrap]
Early reports are that Oden, Daequan Cook and Mike Conley Jr. will all declare for the draft. Oden’s bye-bye is no surprise, but can Buckeye Nation survive the news that 3 of their guys are on their way out the door? Couches across Columbus breathe a collective sigh of relief.
TIMEOUT: Ryan Howard
In addition to cold-as-ice bats, and the crappiest bullpen around, the Phillies are now dealing with a Ryan injury. Fortunately for Phans everywhere, it’s not like he was adding a whole lot of production at the plate anyway. But what fun would a Phillies season be without constant disappointment?
[Babes Love Baseball]
ILLEGAL MOTION: Florida Gators
Contrary to what Keith Jackson tells us in that latest Gatorade commercial, it was Florida State, not Florida, that invented the sports drink. Shocking developments from the same state that brought you tha’ U. And the ’00 election.
[Loser With Socks]
TOUCHDOWN: Smoke Signals
With the looming possibility that college coaches may not be able to use text messages to bug the holy heck out of recruits, EDSBS examines alternate means of communication that will surely flourish in its wake. U NEED 2 COME 2 ST KTHX.
[Every Day Should Be Saturday]

The Ref

Keep your “Pro vs. Con”. Colbert can have his “Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger”. We’re gonna reward points and penalties to people based on their genius decisions and boneheaded moves.

PERSONAL FOUL: Oklahoma Sooners
As the Sooners prepare for their day of reckoning with the NCAA tomorrow, 82 Sluggo Win goes inside the peace talks between Bomar and the Okies. Note: the NCAA had to hire special interpreters to translate from “Uneducated Hick” to English.
[82 Sluggo Win]
HOLDING: Jeff Francouer
Atlanta totally hearts Jeff, local boy done good. UmpBump wonders why- and compares him to your favorite underachieving asshole and mine, Pat Burrell. I’ll give you a hint as to why I think they love Jeff: he is really, unbelievably good looking. Isn’t that enough?
TIMEOUT: Brad Lidge
Lidge loses his closer role and is relegated to the bullpen as middle relief. The Big Picture listens in on a session with Lidge and his therapist. Lidge could have saved the money- even this armchair therapist can tell you all his problems can be attributed to the 1-2 punch of Pujols and Podsednik homers.
[The Big Picture]
A Mets fan gets injured after being hit by a flying object at Shea. A really large flying object. Like, a person-sized flying object. True to form, the always courtly Met fan ran away without apologizing or checking on the woman he nearly knocked out. Chivalry lives!
[Our Book Of Scrap]
Awful Announcing has gathered together a motley crew of sports bloggers to do our own mock draft, and show up all those punks who do that kind of thing for a living. 5 of the Ladies are joining in- and we may or may not make our picks based on how cute the guys’ butts are. We’re (man) handling the Rams, Steelers, Jets, Saints and Colts– any suggestions?
[Awful Announcing]

The Ref

Keep your “Pro vs. Con”. Colbert can have his “Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger”. We’re gonna reward points and penalties to people based on their genius decisions and boneheaded moves.

INCOMPLETE PASS: Kentucky Wildcats
UK tries to go long with Billy Donovan, but he’s staying put in Gainesville. An audible to Rick Barnes was also rejected. But it looks like the Sexy Rexy of college bball will just say fuck it, and throw downfield to Billy Clyde Gillispie. Bye, bye Aggies.
[Turf Toe]
CLIPPING: Pittsburgh Pirates
For cutting my Astros’ season off at the knees, only 3 games in. Maybe the ‘Stros need to take a page from the Buccos’ playbook, and pick up some draft strategy tips
[Where Have You Gone, Andy Van Slyke?]
TIMEOUT: Phillies Intro Music
It’s always fascinating to see what major leaguers pick as their batting intro music (“Dirty Laundry” for Pat Burrell is genius) and it gives you some insight into their pesonality, but the songs imagined by the We Should Be GM’s crew are brilliant.
[700 Level] & [We Should Be GMs]
For calling the primarily African-American women’s basketball team from Rutgers “nappy-headed hos”. Bonus racist remark: referring to the Tennessee-Rutgers game as the “the jigaboos versus the wannabes”. Classy much?
[Media Matters] via [Loser With Socks]
TOUCHDOWN: Cole Hamels
He may have had a rocky time of it pitching this week, but the guys at Our Book Of Scrap seed him first in their Beer Pong Tournament projections. Chad Johnson gets the 8 seed, and contemplates changing his name to just plain “Ocho”.
[Our Book Of Scrap]