So You’ve Got an Olympics Hangover

Maybe this was your first Olympics with access to NBC’s online feeds (or perhaps you are a lucky Canadian who can access live events all the time).  Maybe you coincidentally happened to have 14 days off work (counting weekends) during the 17 days of the Summer Olympics.  Maybe you are now exhibiting symptoms such as disorientation with your sudden abundance of free time, queasiness when watching sports where anthems are played before the game begins, and a compulsion to introduce Olympic athletes into only tangentially related topics (such as, say, Usain Bolt in a conversation about stealing bases on a Cardinals broadcast).  You may be suffering from an Olympics Hangover.  And, like those other types of hangovers, there are various methods for dealing with it.

Hit and Run: In a New York Minute

39, and yet he still does this. (Photo: AP)

Sweet American Jeebus. Because having two aging outfielders simply wasn’t enough for the Yankees, they shipped two prospects to Seattle today in exchange for one Ichiro Suzuki. Classic Cashman for you: just when you think he isn’t going to make a move in late July, this happens.

A part of me didn’t feel the move was necessary. The Oakland series notwithstanding, the team has played well in the absence of leftfielder Brett Gardner, who is now out for the season. But the Yanks do miss his stolen bases, of which Ichiro has 15 this season. That’s more than Andruw Jones and Raul Ibanez combined.

So YAY, WE HAVE ICHIRO! Although I feel for Mariners fans, who have had the pleasure of seeing him play in Seattle his entire MLB career.

Ichiro isn’t the only pro athlete packing his bags for the Big Apple…

Hit and Run: Old Faces, New Places Edition

The Yankees played their home opener on Tuesday afternoon and a lot of the local media coverage in the city focused on the huge ovation for former Yankee Hideki Matsui, who received his World Series Ring as a member of the visiting Angels. (There was also an impromptu group hug with his old teammates, which you can see about to happen in the picture above.)  Granted, I’m not a Yankees fan, but I live in New York and I’d completely forgotten where Matsui had ended up.  And he’s not the only familiar face showing up somewhere new in the first weeks of the new season:

Ladies and stat nerds unite: in celebration of F-Gut!

Stat-nerds have been falling all over themselves in adoration of Franklin Gutierrez’s astounding CF defense, which is so stunningly awesome that the Mariners are hanging on to him for four more years. But don’t leave the F-Gut lovin’ to the statheads* – he’s someone the Ladies… can appreciate as well. Behold:

He is the WORLD. It says so right on his jersey.

*I, much like Crane, proudly belong to that set of people. Give me FanGraphs or give me death!

MLB Hotties on the Move

No, no! He's not going anywhere!

Somewhere, in a vast wilderness where cell phones signals go to die and there is no SportsCenter, Crane is feeling a psychic wave of untold joy and relief. That’s because the trade deadline has passed and Roy Halladay stayed in Toronto. Hey, Riccardi, thanks for playing with the heads of Jays’ fans these last few weeks! There’s a special place in hell for GMs like you – right beside John Ferguson Jr.

It’s been a busy few days. Let’s put all the nonsense of PEDs and Papi behind us and concentrate on the actual game of baseball baseball transactions. If your fave player left on a jet plane today for another team and you don’t know when he’ll be back again (hint: check the team schedule), I’m sorry to hear that. On the other hand, if your team has been injected with newfound playoff hope, congratulations! Hope that works out for you guys! Unless you like the Red Sox, and then…you know how I feel.

Hump Day Hotties: The Call-Ups

So I know we all get excited when baseball season is underway.  We love watching our hotties play and our teams do well.  For me, when my beloved Orioles start to suck again, it can be hard to devote my time to following the team.  That is why I have come to love the mid-season call-up.  Trust me, I know who the hotties are on the team, but I’m curious about those boys in the minors.  I know names and who is supposed to be good, but I don’t necessarily know their faces.  So I always look forward to a new face in the clubhouse.

After the jump, I’ve hand selected some drool-worthy hotties. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Ohhhh Canada: The Canuck Boys of Summer

Hey, it’s my nation’s birthday today! We’re …old! Today – if the weather and my second sinus attack in a week clears – I’ll be joining my fellow Canadians enjoying BBQ, drinking beer (not Molson), and rubbing red face paint off my tired children’s cheeks as I grumble to Mr. Bee about how we shouldn’t have stayed out late watching the fireworks when we have to get up for work in the morning.

Some random facts about Canada:

• We are actually 142 years old. 142 is the new 122.
• We’re not constitutionally required to like Nickelback.
• I don’t think our prime minister’s hair has ever moved…ever!

Today we’re showing our True Patriot Love by rolling out our favourite Canucks on the mound and at the plate (or in the case of Russell Martin, behind the plate). So be your most polite, apologetic self, grab a double-double and join us after the jump.

Ladies… Book Club: A-Rod

When the idea of a Ladies… Book Club was mentioned, I realized that I better beef up on my sports-centric reading material.  A few days later, I was at my local wholesale club and stumbled upon a gem: A-Rod: The Many Lives of Alex Rodriguez by Selena Roberts.  It was half-price and full of juicy, A-Rod gossip.  It was fate.

We were pretty much inundated with excerpts from this much-discussed tell-all, so I felt familiar with it immediately.  We all thought we knew what the book was about: steroids.  Well, my friends, we weren’t entirely right.

Hit and Run: In Which Barry Zito’s BABIP Regresses, Right Before Our Eyes!

A.k.a. the “Complete MLB Rundown (To The Exclusion Of Everything Else)” edition. Why? Because I can. Yesterday’s scores presented BBC-style for extra hilarity and confusion.

• Red Sox 3 – 5 Blue Jays. Sevven sollid innings from Tallet (see what I did there?) provide a lead for Scott Downs to preserve, bringing them back into 2nd place in the mighty AL East. Go Jays!
• Marlins 7 – 3 Mets. Tim Redding sucks. Josh Johnson doesn’t. Go Fish!
• Braves 2 – 3 Diamondbacks. There are a lot of 3s today. Eric Byrnes finally does something good; namely, driving in the winning run in the 11th. No, wearing awesome socks doesn’t automatically mean that you’ve done something good.
• Dodgers 0 – 7 Cubs. Eric Stults fails as Dodgers get shut out for the first time all year. You know, I like the guy, but hey dude, put up or shut up. As in, put up zeros on the scoreboard, or shut the hell up when the reporters interview you and ask why you sucked. Go ahead, say, “I sucked”. David Ortiz did, you can too! Ugh. STULTS. My boy Brent Leach faces 1 batter, records 2 groundouts, because he’s cool like that. Go Dodgers.
• Twins 2 – 5 Rays. David Price blah blah blah 11 strikeouts blah blah blah 1st Major League win blah blah blah Free Rick Porcello!
• Reds 5 – 9 Brewers. Some dudes hit some home runs.
• Tigers 6 – 3 Orioles. Is Luke Scott on steroids? Naw, he’s just in an un-slump.
• Astros 4 – 7 Pirates. Hey guys, the Pirates just won another game. Meanwhile, the Astros lost another one and are hopelessly out of contention. Kind of like the Nationals.
• Yankees 10 – 5 Indians. Your first double-digit scoring game of the night was notable only for the fact that CC Sabathia gave up runs. I really hate that guy. Oh, and Nick Swisher (perhaps better known simply as AJ Burnett’s new boyfriend) hit a home run. I’m sure they celebrated in an entirely appropriate fashion that didn’t involve ice cream or maple syrup or leather and chains. No, I didn’t just imply that.
• Nationals 6 – 9 Phillies. Cole Hamels gets shelled but gets the win anyway. Disgusting. Lidge doesn’t implode, but his ERA is still above 8. Good luck with that, buddy.
• White Sox 5 – 3 Royals. Gil Meche gets no love from the bullpen. Which sucks.
• Athletics 1 – 14 Rangers. The average Leverage Index for this game was so low that it actually may have caused a Fangraphs implosion. Seriously, check it out:

• Padres 7 – 8 Rockies. This game is actually so boring that there’s no proof it happened, so I can’t tell you what happened, although I’m sure if you really want to know you can look it up somewhere.
• Mariners 4 – 3 Angels. If you’re a Mariners fan, then Jose Lopez is your saviour. On the other hand, if you’re a Mariners fan, then you probably have bigger problems, including the fact that your #5 starter is actually a vampire. That’s my clever way of saying that I sort of have a crush on Jason Vargas.
• Cardinals 6 – 2 Giants. Zito was doing fine until he gave up 3 consecutive doubles in the 7th. Actually, on a team that didn’t epitomize suckitude, he would’ve had an easy shot at winning this game, except that 1) Albert Pujols is on steroids and 2) The Giants suck, ergo, their bullpen sucks, ergo, their starters don’t win unless they pitch complete game shutouts. Except for that one time, but I’m pretty sure that was an accident. Oh, and Albert Pujols did do something good; namely, he struck out looking on a curveball from Zito that came thisclose to making me scream in delight. (I did actually sort of whimper, but the sexual power of a pitch like that is a discussion for another time. Just watch any Roy Halladay start, or a good AJ Burnett start. You’ll understand.)

Good morning. I know in darkness I will find you giving up inside like me.

The All-Star Break Called…

There’s a magical thing that happens every year after the All-Star break… the Yankees start winning!  In an attempt to summon those W’s into our current state of affairs, I thought we’d explore a little all-star action… Ladies style of course!

Earl Weaver would not be happy with our depth at certain positions, but I can’t help that hotties gravitate towards center field and the pitchers’ mound!  There has to be some scientific explanation for this phenomenon.

Hot Stove Hotties

"Kbai!"

Each week this Hot Stove season, we’ll look at some done deals and juicy rumors involving our favorite MLB hotties, and the occasional not-really-a-hottie, but still worth talking about.

This was Winter Meetings week, and both New York teams made big moves. On Wednesday morning, the Yankees signed C.C. Sabathia to a seven-year deal that will bring him 37.5 million Baconators (or $161 million). Later, they signed free agent starter A.J. Burnett for five years/$82.5 million.

The Mets made a few moves to bolster their bullpen (Merry Christmas, Metsy!), including signing Francisco “K-Rod” Rodriguez for  $37 million over three years, with an option for a 4th year.

LOTS more moves (complete with diagrams!)…after the jump!

Baseball is MAGICAL: Walkoffs, 2000, and win streaks.

First off, the Ladies… wish a heartfelt congratulations to Royals second baseman Mark Grudzielanek on collecting hits #1999 and 2000 tonight. Grudz looked much younger than his 38 years as he cruised into first base, unable to hide a boyish grin as the crowd, fountains, and fireworks erupted.  Though he was soon erased in a double play, the hat-tip and ovation made for a really sweet moment for a very likeable ballplayer.

Congratulations, Grudz!!

More sweet baseball moments after the jump!

The Pacific Northwest Hotties of the Seattle Mariners

I’m sorry to be That Girl, but it’s true: There is a dearth of hotties on the Seattle Mariners’ roster, which is too bad because Seattle is such a beautiful city. Observe:

That mountain is like, 70 miles away, too. (Photo by Daniel Arndt. Thanks, dude!)

You’d think the scenery at Safeco Field would be better (I mean, they have art from Seattle-area artists all over the place — so cool!) but aside from Ichiro, who’s cute in his wacky cryptic way, rounding up a bunch of Mariner studs from Seattle was, well, difficult.

More…intensity!

EDITED!  To include Grampy Jamie Moyer goodness!