Weekend Roundup: Cutie Clutch Plays Edition

Pink Bats

This weekend surely proved to be a very exciting one in sports, what with all of the finals going on and some serious slugging. One major note to make is that BRETT FAVRE IS REMAINING RETIRED even though the Vikings are still interested, and of course, Manny has apologized to owner of the Dodgers Frank McCourt (next step: apologize to team mates). Here is a quick roundup of this weekend’s big plays, accompanied with the gorgey gents that made things possible… Continue reading

Another entry in the ‘Dick Move’ Hall of Fame.

Packers Favre Football

So. That happened.

I’ll be up front about this. I’ve been a vocal Favre hater for more than a decade now. I rolled my eyes when Madden waxed rhapsodic about Favre’s status as a gunslinger. I groaned inwardly every time someone told me that he was a ‘man’s man.’ I hated the entire city of Green Bay for unleashing him on the world.

I hated him because he (and the Green Bay Packers) stomped all my beloved New England Patriots in Super Bowl XXXI, leaving college freshman Maggie slumped on her bed wearing an expression that looked…kind of like the expression in that picture, actually. I’m bitter, I have a long memory and I learned how to hold an old-fashioned Irish grudge at my Grandma’s knee.

I tell you this only so I can explain to you, Green Bay fans, that I understand how you’re feeling right now, or how you’re going to feel if he goes through with this and suits up for the Vikings. That white hot, fiery hatred? That urge to punch that picture at the top of this post repeatedly because you can’t get the real thing in your hot little hands? The indignant, righteous and strangely helpless fury? I’m with you. I’ve been there. Hell, I’m upset on your behalf.

See, I’ve long suspected that Favre was going to end up with a plaque in the ‘Dick Move’ Hall of Fame. (The man took a dive for Michael Strahan, for God’s sake. He did the ‘I’m going to maaaaaaaybe retire, maybe not, let’s talk about me some more’ dance so many times I think Peter King performs the steps in his sleep. The writing was on the wall, people.)

The question, though, is just who he’ll be joining in the semi-hallowed, but mostly tarnished ‘Dick Move’ Hall of Fame. Come for the self-indulgence, stay for the money-grubbing.
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Rivalry – Why Vie So Hard?

Lowell vs. Cano

Team rivalry. Seemingly nothing wrong with it, and actually it’s abnormal to not have some friendly competition and strive a bit harder to win against a certain team more than others. Maybe it’s two cities that battle in more ways than sports, maybe it comes about from a trade that develops a grudge, or maybe it’s something rooted in history that carries itself over 100 years of one the most well known and deepest hates – the Yankees and the Red Sox. But why are some rivalries the way they are today, why carry on the tradition of hate throughout generations, and why hate so hard?

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Get your own stuff!


I was all set to write my first post as a love letter to Josh Beckett’s fastball. (Look, if it was possible to make out with a pitch, I would do so with that one, happily, and without regard for leaving lipstick prints on the leather.) But then my cousin sent me a text message from her seats at Citi Field last week. “Maggie,’ she wrote. ‘They’re doing it again.’

The ‘it’ in question? Playing ‘Sweet Caroline’ in the eighth inning.

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Hot Stove Hotties

Each week this Hot Stove season, we’ll look at some done deals and juicy rumors involving our favorite MLB hotties. If you want a comprehensive rundown of rumors, go to MLBTR. If you want the pretty, stay right here!

The Royals took the spotlight this week by trading for speedy center fielder Coco Crisp. Kansas City gave up Ramon “RamRam” Ramirez, a reliever who throws a “power change” (seriously) and had a great 2008 season. He also has a perfectly spherical face, which makes me smile every time. Here are Coco and RamRam in their new uniforms.

Coco Crisp, the newest Royal; Ramon Ramirez, the newest Red Sock.

Coco Crisp, the newest Royal; Ramon Ramirez, the newest Red Sock.

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The Ladies … Pick the Postseason (Baseball Edition)

AP/Mark Avery)

Will anyone take the Angels out? (Source: AP/Mark Avery)

October is my favorite sports month of the year, mainly for two reasons.  We’ll talk about the second one next week.  This week, I switched days with SA so I could start October off right: talking about postseason baseball.

This is the first time in many seasons I have not had a clear favorite in either league.  I kind of think people are forgetting about the Angels, though, just because they clinched their division ages ago.  So my picks for the postseason are:
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The baseball day game: Pros & cons

At some point early last season, I made up my mind that I absolutely hate day baseball games. I’m not entirely sure what happened during a day game that made me so spiteful towards that time slot, but there it is. But lately, I have been trying to like afternoon baseball a little bit more, and about 99% of my past English teachers would have me draft up a pro/con list to help determine the stronger argument.

This was the first Google Image result for “day game.” Not a promising start, but we’ll forge ahead. Continue reading

A losing streak with style

Many years ago, the Kansas City Royals were no-hit by Jon Lester, and they haven’t won a game since. Wait, that was like 11 days ago but time has dragged by while Royals Nation waits for the team to pull out some kind of non-failure. It’s been a voyage of suckitude not seen since the infamous 19-game losing streak of 2005. You want to know how it feels? I’ll show you:

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So What’s the Big Deal With This Josh Beckett Situation Again?

You all know that I’m fairly new to baseball, finally picking a team to follow and hopefully becoming a fan. And with my new found enthusiasm of the sport I’m following the major headlines around the league and all that jazz. So can someone please explain to my feeble baseball mind why Josh Beckett not pitching for the Red Sox on the team’s dime is such a big deal? I get the whole wanting your best pitcher to start opening day and all that, but if he’s having spasms and shouldn’t travel 14 hours to pitch in a glorified exhibition, why is everyone making a fuss? I would think that the Sox and their fans would rather he stay out and get his back injury straight for, you know, the entire season and not just one game.

So I’m asking, why all the hubbub? Besides the standard it’s the Sox so ESPN has to cover every little detail about every little thing every player does while on the team. I mean, there’s gotta be an explanation, right?

Hump Day Hottie: Parade of CHAMPIONS

As you might have heard, our darling Red Sox won the World Championship, and the city of Boston threw a raucous victory parade for the team yesterday afternoon. All of which gives me the perfect opportunity to make the men of the Red Sox our Hump Day Hottie of the week this week- closing out the baseball season in style.

J-Money already covered the hotness of the Sox; instead I’m going to take you on a tour of the parade of hotties (a.k.a. the “Rolling Rally”) that rolled down through the Back Bay and on to City Hall Plaza. A parade full of ballplayers? Yes, please. A parade of duckboats (!) full of WORLD CHAMPION ballplayers? Sweet lord in heaven, YES. Papelbon dancing an irish jig in a kilt is just icing on the cake.

Follow me after the jump for all the lovely boys…

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I Can Has Wurld Serees Tikets?

Approximately 13 hours. That’s how much time Texas Gal and I each–each!–spent trying to buy World Series tickets on Monday and Tuesday. Granted, I’m unemployed and probably would’ve just spent those hours rearranging my fridge magnets or seeing how many Teddy Grahams I could fit into my mouth at once, but still…

See, the Rockies were selling Series tickets on their website starting on Monday but the servers crashed faster than Kiefer Sutherland on a three day bender. After many postponed press conferences and a cryptic reference to “malicious attacks”, they tried again yesterday. Lots of people managed to get tickets…just not us.

What could we do, except document our quest for tickets? Join us for “The Five Stages of ColoradoRockies.Com”

Monday: Day One


aka “Maybe If We Just Keep Refreshing the Page…” Continue reading

Love That Dirty Water

All the trials and tribulations and journeys through the wilds of Ohio? Down 3-1 in enemy territory, and facing elimination with just one loss standing between us and the end of our season? The rally towels snapping against our ears and the constant pounding of the drum in the Jake outfield and the rest of the horrors of the three-game stand in Cleveland? It was all worth it. Because this happened.

And then this happened.

I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a better utilization of Bud Light, because hot damn, that’s beautiful.


Speaking of hot damn- HOT DAMN, that’s awfully sweet sounding.

And as for the hotties? Just kick back, put on the appropriate soundtrack (which I have helpfully provided for you), and peruse through some lovely photos of our boys celebrating amid the champagne and Bud Light and cigars and all the love Fenway could provide.

“Dirty Water” by the Standells:

“Tessie” by the Dropkick Murphys:

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Down & Out-Douchebagged: The Whole Story

I Eat Dick Salad

Last night was better. Obviously the onfield action wasn’t a high point, but the situation in the stands was much improved from the Disaster That Was Game Three. Texas Gal and I got what we expected as visiting fans, what we wanted all along–the right to root, root, root for the Red Sox without being cursed at, harassed, and treated like we’d committed some unforgivable, anti-Ohio sin like saying Drew Carey isn’t funny or that Bob Evans gives us diarrhea.

That said, I would like to thank everyone who let us just be Sox fans, who let us cheer and let us mourn without criticizing us for either one. Thank you to every Indians supporter who did nothing more than shout loudly for their team, a strong team that played another great game in what has been a magical season. That’s what we tried to do too. Continue reading

Hit & Run-When Making History Isn’t Enough

Kevin Youkilis, David Ortiz, and Manny Ramirez hit back to back to back home runs Tuesday night. Yet the Red Sox still lost. I guess it was just that kind of night for the Cleveland Indians who are now one game away from going to the World Series. The Tribe beat Boston 7-3 with Tim Wakefield being Boston’s third straight pitcher not being able to go 5 innings. Boo starting pitching. On the bright side, J-Money has said that the fans were a lot better behaved during this game than last. I’d like to believe they collectively read a calling out by a certain blog and feared the wrath of 8 vengeful females.

More pictures from the game after the jump. 

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For Whom The Babe Roots: ALCS

baseball.gifStep right up and strap on your fighting shoes. The other half of the Ladies will now argue for the men of the diamond who’ve captured their collective American League-loving hearts. The incomparable SA pleads for the Indians, with J-Money and Texas Gal wrapping things up with the case for the Red Sox. [Note: Trusty editor Holly, a near lifelong loather of all things base-ball, has been recently converted to the Red Sox; however, not knowing what a walk-off homer is and frankly being a little skittish in this big new pond she’s splashing around in, she has recused herself from the discussion.]

Batter up! Take it away, SA.

I feel a little bad for the Cleveland Indians. Despite having tied for the best record in the American League, people (*Ahem ESPN*) still treats them as the second cousin once removed. Many picked the Yankees over them in the ALDS and I would venture a guess in those same people picking the Red Sox over them in the ALCS. Which means they need all the people on their bandwagon they can get. Here are 10 reasons why you should root for the Indians.

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Hit & Run: Celebration Times Three

Today ain’t any normal Monday, and this ain’t gonna be your normal Hit & Run- because we have some serious celebratin’ to do. Perhaps you haven’t heard- but the Boston Red Sox, Chicago Cubs and Philadelphia Phillies all clinched their division titles over the weekend… and as you might expect, GordonShumway, Clare and I are a tad bit excited about that.

OK, we’re freakin’ ecstatic. We’re bouncing off the walls, rally towel waving, champagne swigging, hugging random strangers, put an empty Bud Light case on our head and dance around in our underwear ECSTATIC. And we’re triple tag-teaming this H&R to share a little bit of our excitement with you.

And, of course, I’ve gathered together plenty of pictures of celebratory ballplayers covered in champagne after the jump…

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Bringing the Heat: The Boston Red Sox

SoxxxEven though he broke my heart, broke my crock pot, and eventually left me for a woman who wears slouch socks, my last boyfriend gave me something that I’ll cherish forever: bitterness. Bitterness and the opportunity to see my beloved Red Sox win the 2004 World Series.

On the night that the Sox beat the Yankees in the ALCS, completing their historic comeback and putting them in the Fall Classic for the first time since watching new episodes of 227 and Amen made for a sweet Saturday night, we had the following conversation:

Him: So tonight was pretty important?
Me: Hells yeah! The Sox won the ALCS!
Him: Isn’t that what Lou Gehrig had?
Me: No, that was Lou Gehrig’s disease.
Him: Nevermind.

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Hump Day Hottie: Jacoby Ellsbury

First we named him a Ladies… mascot, and then we told you he was one of the hottest prospects this year. And since September callups, Jacoby Ellsbury has done us proud- blazing a trail on the fast track to a starter spot in the outfield for the Red Sox. He’s gotten a hit in every single game since the September 1st callup date, and is batting .373 with 3 homers overall in the big leagues (just 18 games!). He’s a predatory animal roaming the outfield- no ball is safe, and there’s no body part he won’t sacrifice in making a diving catch. Yesterday was his 24th birthday- which he celebrated with a homer (of course!). And he’s officially eligible for the playoff roster, so we’ll hopefully be seeing a lot of him in October.

Oh, yeah- and he’s outrageously hot.

In celebration of his birthday, his sensational rookie season, and his hot body, I’ve got a ton of Jacoby prettiness after the jump…

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Hit & Run

I’m hopped up on Ny-Quil, and slightly delirious after the Mets’ sweep of the Braves, so bear with me.

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The Mets division lead is back up to 5 games, thanks to said weekend sweep of the Braves, and yesterday’s 10-4 win over the Reds. Well, I guess I also have to thank the Marlins for taking 2 of 3 from the Phillies, and the Braves for beating the Phillies today (whew!). Pedro pitched 5 good innings, giving up 3 runs, 2 of them earned. The Mets’ offense woke up: Moises Alou, David Wright and Carlos Delgado all homered for the Mets. Let’s see if the bats can stay awake during this final stretch run. Continue reading

Real Men of Genius: Clay pitches a no-hitter!

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Congratulations, Clay Buchholz! Today, you pitched the game of your life. 9 innings, no hits, against the Baltimore Orioles. In your second major-league start. (Match that, Ian Kennedy!) Quite impressive, young man.

And not only do you pitch the hell out of that ball game, you gave a completely charming interview to What’s-her-face (Texy told me her name is Tina, but I prefer what’s-her-face). This line made me tear up (in happiness at your achievement): “It’s amazing. That’s all I can say. I’m in a blur right now.” You recognized that you had to call your parents, and I swooned at that. Well, at that, and the adorable Texan accent. You are now the 17th pitcher in Red Sox history to throw a no-no, and the first rookie pitcher to do so.

Congrats, and I hope you party tonight till you forget your name. I recommend Patron.

A few more pics after the jump… Continue reading

Hit and Run: I get misty

After countless stories about naughty QBs, naughty refs and naughty baseball players who don’t sign enough autographs, it’s high time for a few happy stories from the sports world, don’t you think?

Let’s start with the cherubic Jon Lester, who won his first start after an abrupt departure from baseball last summer, when he was diagnosed with cancer. I’m no great Red Sox fan (please don’t hurt me, J-Money) but I admit I teared up when everyone in the Red Sox dugout went over to hug and congratulate him after he finished six strong innings, allowing two runs, three walks, and six Ks. I AM NOT MADE OF STONE, PEOPLE.

The Houston Texans’ Ahman Green is a stand-up guy: This week, he made good on a promise to put down the down payment on a home for a single parent in exchange for his jersey number from teammate Jason Simmons. The best part about the story is that the recipient of the down payment, Regina Foster, doesn’t know anything about football, and isn’t a fan of the Texans.

Finally, here’s a cute story from the NASCAR world: Brent Sherman took six years off of racing to serve in the Air Force. Now he’s trying to get back in the driver’s seat in the Busch series. (Please forgive that terrible pun.)

Hottie Vision – Jonathan Papelbon

Once in awhile, the sports media gets it right. Often, by accident, they stumble upon an idea that’s pure gold- so awesome, you wonder why someone didn’t think of it sooner. The golden idea in this case? Putting a mic on or in the hands of hottie Jonathan Papelbon. The Red Sox lights-out closer may have one hell of a killer Papelglare on the mound, but on his own time he’s bona fide comedy gold. He’s a total cut-up, who doesn’t censor a single thought that comes into his head, and delivers all that charm and silliness with a Southern drawl. Seriously- they really need to give him his own show.

Exhibit 1: Friendly’s Scoop with Julian Tavarez

The genius folks at FSN decided this season to give Papyboo his own weekly segment, where they basically just shoot the shit with him about baseball. But a few weeks ago, things got even better when they decided to hand over the mic to Papyboo, and let him interview a teammate instead. The first victim? Starting pitcher Julian Tavarez. But Papyboo doesn’t choose to use his time talking about pitching mechanics, or the rotation or any of that stuff. No, he decides instead to find out who Tavarez thinks is the sexiest guy in the Red Sox bullpen, and who is the sexiest hitter on the Sox roster. Sounds like Papyboo would fit in GREAT around here.

Video of this (and more!) after the jump…

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Hump Day Hottie: Josh Beckett

En route to the American League’s 10th straight victory over the NL in last night’s All-Star Game, Red Sox ace pitcher — and smokin’ hottie– Josh Beckett picked up the win. If you like the quiet, humble, shy, retiring types, who relax by reading poetry and watching Masterpiece Theatre and drinking a nice merlot, Josh Beckett is not for you. On the other hand, if you (like me) like your men tall (6’5″) and strong and brash and fiery, with a heap of cockiness and a whole hell of a lot of redneck, then Texas boy Josh is a man you’ll love.

credit: Kerry Brett Hurley

Tons more Beckett-y goodness after the jump…
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How To Make Love To A ______ Fan: The Boston Red Sox

Wrapping up (for now) our joint series on bangin’ the baller fans in your lives…it’s been a hell of a ride, y’all. We’d like to thank the incomparable Orson Swindle of Every Day Should Be Saturday for heading up this little operation; it’s been a filthy privilege, sir. Finally, inevitably, we give you Texas Gal at EDSBS with How To Make Love To A Texas Longhorns Fan, and below, we’re proud to present the Ladies… closer: J-Money in the house, lighting the way to the naughty bits of the Boston faithful.

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Hump Day Hottie: Unknown Hottie… For Reals

Two weeks ago, I put out the call for help in figuring out who a spectacularly sexy unknown Red Sox hottie was. I mean, good NIGHT – does it get any hotter than this?

A knight in shining armor (namely, Elric) stepped up and guessed this could be Jacoby Ellsbury, Red Sox prospect extraordinaire. Jacoby did indeed turn out to be one smokin’ hottie- and we (OK, I) ran with it, and adopted him as a Ladies… mascot. However, it has come to my attention (through an anonymous commenter) that though Jacoby is indeed hot, he is not this particular unknown hottie.

So that means the Red Sox have not one, but TWO red hot prospects workin’ their way up the ranks. Suddenly, I feel a pull towards Fenway, I wonder why? And who exactly IS this unknown hottie?

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Hump Day Hottie: Unknown Hottie

I’m putting out a call to all the Ladies…, all the Red Sox fans, all the afficianados of hotness around the world: for the love of all that is hot, who is this guy?

I know he’s a rookie. I know he plays for the Red Sox. I know he has a coach standing on his back. I know he’s really, really smokin’ hot. But for the life of me, I cannot figure out who he is. But I have faith that someone, somewhere will do what I cannot- and give this Unknown Hottie a name.

UPDATE: Thanks to the marvelous Elric, I can now confirm the Unknown Hottie is… Jacoby Ellsbury, the Sox #1 draft pick from 2005, captain of the 2006 National Champion Oregon State Beavers and certified hottie. He’s a 23 year-old outfielder, often referred to as the next Johnny Damon (he even dressed up as Damon for Halloween one year), who spent a short time in high-A Wilmington last year before being quickly called up to the AA-Portland Sea Dogs (and had an NRI to camp this year). He’s expected to challenge Coco Crisp for a starting spot as soon as ’08, and Baseball America rates him the best hitter for average, fastest base runner, best athlete, and best defensive outfielder in the Sox system. Also, if all that wasn’t hot enough, he’s a Navajo Indian who spent part of his childhood with his 3 brothers on a reservation… and his teammates sometimes call him ‘Chief’.

UPDATED AGAIN: Thanks to the marvelous GordonShumway, I give you (by special request of the Ladies…):

Jacoby, you are officially a Ladies… mascot. Congratulations!