Look hon, you know I love you. In fact I was willing to cut you some slack when this whole contract mess first started — the Jets brass has not had a particularly stellar record when it comes to contract negotiations, and relatively speaking, it is ridiculous that the best corner in the league is playing for $1 million a year in a career that could end any time a helmet hits spinal cord in just the wrong place. But I am having one hell of a week — the kind of week that means I’m typing this while on my second glass of wine and listening to a playlist I’ve titled “Wallow” — and you know what would make me feel better? Being able to look forward to seeing you make a complete fool of some poor receiver — even a practice squad receiver on Hard Knocks. Now you’re telling me I may have to wait a freakin’ year?
I gotta tell you, Darelle, your Favored Player status is in serious jeopardy here. This was supposed to be the Year of the Jets. Granted, we’re the Jets, so we would probably have screwed it up at some point but, we could have at least had a whole training camp full of hope. I’m sure HBO is thrilled with the drama you’ve provided (hey, maybe you could ask them to give you a bonus) but the rest of us are getting a little tired of Revis Watch. The black humor of isrevissignedyet.com only goes so far. Get over yourself. Take the Jets offer, and start making it up to me.
Your favorite player on your favorite team has launched a major holdout that threatens your team’s season…