Send in the clowns.

So if you’re following me on Twitter, you’ve discovered that I have a bit of an unhealthy obsession with figure skating. (Okay, okay, that’s like saying John Mayer has an obsession with saying spectacularly stupid things in public.)

Given that I hate most girly aspects of sports (pink anything and everything, Ladies Nights, and the existence of Alyssa Milano’s Touch line, to start) like burning, some of the other Ladies…were mildly confused when I started shrieking about toe loops and salchows. I mean, it’s figure skating, right? I should like manly things, like the biathlon and moguls. I should frown on feathers and sequins and Dick Button.

But here’s the thing. I love figure skating. I loooooooove figure skating.

Why? Because during the Olympics, when everything is about pomp and circumstance and tradition and records, figure skating is the one chance to bring the crazy. I dig on the crazy.

I mean, really. Did you see that picture? That’s a picture of a German pairs team dressed up as clowns and skating to Sondheim’s ‘Send in the Clowns.’ Germans! Clowns! Sondheim! I’m pretty sure that’s an avant-garde film.

When figure skating brings the crazy, it brings the crazy. Is hockey going to bring the awesome that is What Would Brian Boitano Make? Would cross country skiing bring you something as epically comedic as Be Good, Johnny Weir? No, no, it would not. The most the moguls give us is a silver medalist that made millions on a spam e-mail empire. That’s practically boring.

The best part of Olympic figure skating is, and will always be, the costumes. We had clowns. We had some kind of floofy Smurf/seaweed combo. We had some inexplicable mixture of Tron and Star Trek. We had…swans.

LOOK AT THAT! The man’s wearing fins on his forearms! There’s a swan growing out of his left hip! It would be phallic, were it not directionally challenged!

Someone better tell Johnny Weir about the swans. I’m pretty sure Camille (Oh, yes, he named his costume) could kick those wimpy swan asses. I mean, they don’t even have a beak-manifested-in-a-glove!

In conclusion, I offer you La Weir’s exhibition skate routine. It’s Johnny Weir skating to Lady Gaga. I’m pretty sure this makes my point for me.

12 thoughts on “Send in the clowns.

  1. My family about died when we saw the “Clowns” haha I’m totally digging all the Chinese teams right now. I’m really rooting for the married pair. Call me unpatriotic, but whatevs.

    I’m also a figure skating fanatic, and we always watch no matter who is skating. And that Johnny Weir clip is epic! I love that Johnny is making teenage girls scream. Figure skating needs to get with it and allow skaters to use songs with lyrics. Could you see Weir coming out and skating to “Party in the USA” at the Olympics? Now that would be awesome.

  2. The only way that Johnny Weir’s Poker Face routine could be more fabulous is if he were wearing a fanny pack filled with glitter confetti to strew about the ice while skating.

  3. I too adore figure skating, although I much prefer men’s and ice dance to pairs and women’s. The power, the footwork, the music, the choreography…it’s a wonderful combination.

  4. that video was the best thing i’ve seen all day! That pic of the clowns was priceless. we laughed so hard when they took to the ice! and the music just didn’t really seem to fit with their routine.
    I always forget how much i like figure skating until i see it…… then its like me & girl scout cookies. i just gorge myself on them until it goes away……

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