Off-Week Diversion: Fantasy Dancing With The Stars Casting Call

The Super Bowl’s not for another week, the Olympics aren’t for another two, and I don’t care about the Pro Bowl.  I think this calls for a post topic that’s completely silly and unrelated to anything, don’t you?  Luckily I’ve been saving one up, ever since I saw this post on one of my favorite dance blogs. For those of you who don’t feel like following the link, all you really need to know is that the title is “I WANT CC SABATHIA TO BE ON DANCING WITH THE STARS.”

Um, you may need to stretch more than that to pull off a tango, CC.

There is usually at least one athlete contestant on DWTS  every season, but none of them has been a professional baseball player.  Ignoring the pragmatic concerns about whether the timing of the DWTS filming would conflict with baseball season (because: silly post), would CC be a good fit for the show?

Pros: Very first contestant from baseball, Yankees would probably encourage it if only to keep him in shape during off season.

Cons: Size (height, too, this is not a fat joke!) might make it difficult to find a compatible partner, might have a hard time getting votes if DWTS fans turn out to be anti-Yankee.

Follows in the Footsteps of: Warren Sapp, Evander Holyfield

But I didn’t stop there!  If scheduling conflicts were not an issue, here are some other contestants I’d like to see on the dance floor.

Actually, I could kind of see this one happening.

Johnny Weir

Pros: Figure skaters are practically ringers on DWTS (Kristi Yamaguchi won her season).  Already has lots of costumes and no problems with throwing himself fully into a performance.

Cons: Might find it difficult to share the spotlight with a partner, especially if her costume has more sequins. Boy likes to sparkle.

Follows in the Footsteps of: Kristi Yamaguchi, Mario Lopez

Gilbert will NOT be allowed to do any Wild West themed dances, though.

Gilbert Arenas

Pros: When he wants to be, Gilbert is a charming goofball.  Would also probably write some awesome blog entries about what Tom Bergeron is really like off camera.  Badly needs some good PR right now.

Cons: Might quit show when ABC refuses to allow him to perform “Shootout at the OK Corral” themed Western Swing.  Possibility of injury high.

Follows in the Footsteps of: Heather Mills, Tom DeLay

Nomar Garciaparra and Mia Hamm

Pros: First couple to compete on DWTS in the same season, would probably attract Mia’s fans, Nomar’s fans and Red Sox/Dodger fans who just want to make fun of Nomar.

Cons: Having to listen to painful marriage jokes from hosts whenever their respective pairs score dramatically different.  Constant tabloid stories that one or both are jealous of their SO’s professional partners.

Follow in the footsteps of: Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin, Michael Irvin, Monica Seles

I don't think the judges will respond to this particular dance, Peyton.

Peyton Manning

Pros: Apparently willing to do just about anything on camera.  May have learned a few sweet moves from doing all those commercials with Justin Timberlake. Football players have often done well as DWTS contestants.

Cons: May rouse ire of DWTS voters annoyed that he’s already on their television at every commercial break. May struggle once he discovers he can not audible a waltz on tango night.

Follows in the Footsteps of: Jerry Rice, Steve Guttenberg

In the interest of full disclosure, I don’t think I’ve ever actually watched an entire episode of Dancing with the Stars, though it’s on the top of my list of Reality Shows I Would Actually Consider Being On.  I figure by season 20 “writer for moderately successful niche sports blog” will be famous enough to be considered a “star,” right?

Anyway: