This is hard to believe. I never thought it would come to this.
Brett, I am breaking up with you.
This is beyond difficult, because you were the very reason I chose to follow the Green Bay Packers. We’ve been through so much together – your MVP seasons, your admission to painkiller addiction, your stupid throws into triple coverage.
I cheered when you threw off your helmet and ran across the field like a nine-year-old after that first Super Bowl touchdown in the ’96 season. I cried – and I never cry over a football game – when the 49ers eliminated you guys in that NFC Wild Card matchup two seasons later (damn you, Steve Young!)
I saw “There’s Something About Mary” three times in theatres just to hear you say “I’m here to play the Dolphins, ya dumbass.” Ok, that and the hair gel scene.
But who’s the dumbass now, Brett?
In a matter of two seasons, you have singlehandedly managed to alienate most of your fan base and elevate yourself to a level of douchebaggery comparable to A-Rod. Oh sure, many of us stood by when you went public with your displeasure with Packers management. The fact that you gave your story to Greta Van Susteren made me cringe, but I had your back, Brett.
When you signed with the Jets, Mr. Bee – a longtime fan of yours – was thrilled. I even took my chances that you’d retire a Jet and bought him a Favre Jets jersey for his birthday. I ignored my Packers to watch you make one last run for a championship. I forgave you for all that preseason drama. I defended you when staunch Favre-haters wanted to see you get Theisman-ed. To me, you had a fair argument. You had every right to keep playing. You still had the desire to win, and hey. everyone’s entitled to change their mind.
But there’s changing your mind, and then there is outright screwing with our heads. I had already accepted an NFL Without The Brett and you know what? I was perfectly fine with that. You know why? BECAUSE IT’S NOT 1996 ANYMORE!!
It’s bad enough you flip flopped on retirement again, but Brett. Brett! The Vikings? The fucking Vikings?! Do you even realize what you’re doing? When Magary doesn’t even want the likes of you, there is something terribly wrong.
So thanks for the memories, Brett. Thanks for breaking my heart and ripping my soul into pieces. Thanks for letting your narcissism ruin your place in football history. Thanks for keeping Vick out of the news for ten minutes today. And don’t think for a minute this is the last you’ll hear from us Ladies about this.