Ladies and Gentlemen, the US Men’s National Team.

I love the smell of nationalism in the morning.

I love the smell of nationalism in the morning.

I want to paint you a little picture, readers. You see, for the last eight years or so, I’ve spent Saturday mornings waking up, rolling downstairs, and flipping on Fox Soccer to watch the day’s matches while my husband made snide comments about soccer being lame and boring.

Tonight? My husband not only voluntarily turned on the Gold Cup SemiFinals, but I’m a little concerned he may actually lose his voice screaming in support of the US Men’s National Team in the CONCACAF Gold Cup Finals on Sunday. My victory is nearly complete. As soon as he picks a Premiere League team to root for (please, Jesus, not Chelsea), I can start openly celebrating his utter conversion.

That’s beside the point, dear readers. The point is that after many, many years and many, many attempts, soccer may just be on the verge of arriving in the US. Oh, sure, it’s because the men’s team is playing incredibly well right now, but I’ll take it.

I think it’s high time the Ladies… met the US Men’s National Team. Join me, after the jump, won’t you?

Meet the US Men’s National A Team.

This is Landon Donovan. He has horrible hair and no chin and I love him anyway.

Hello, Heath Pearce. Go back to the hot-ass floppy hair.

Robbie Rogers. I call this ‘Still Pecs with Trophy.’

Logan Pause is a gigantic dork and I want him to come play in Philly.

Stuart Holden is approximately thirteen years old, and is the sixth member of N*Sync.

Brian Ching. The man, the myth, the JESUS GOD LOOK AT THAT.

Clint Dempsey. And his arms.

Carlos. Effing. Bocanegra. Rekkanize.

I could go on all night. Point is, there’s a reason you should be watching soccer, and it’s not just the game itself.

Look, I’m allowed to be shallow every so often. Live with it.

12 thoughts on “Ladies and Gentlemen, the US Men’s National Team.

  1. I love this post. A couple of things, though: 1) the picture you have labeled as Heath Pearce is actually Brian McBride, who retired from the USMNT in … 2006, I think. 2) As much as I love Holden and Rogers, they’re not so much on the A-team yet. Maybe soon!

      • Oh, all kinds of love for the B-team! Like I said, Holden and Rogers are two of my favorites, and I wouldn’t be surprised at all to see at least one of them in the A-team for 2010.

  2. That last pic is the only one I like.

    The point is that after many, many years and many, many attempts, soccer may just be on the verge of arriving in the US.

    I like soccer, and I don’t believe it’s ever going to “take off” in the US. If you like it, do you really care if anyone else does? I don’t.

  3. Thank you for that Brian Ching pic – good lord! My husband still thinks soccer is lame & boring but does enjoy it in person. Oh well, he too will convert one day!

  4. ROBBIE!!!!! I love that guy, he’s one of my fave Crew players. Fellow Crew man Frankie Hejduk also makes appearences on the NT and is delicious (if you dig hairy guys).

    And Boca is just too sexy for words. Mmmmmm… :)

  5. Say it with me now, “Carlos Bocanegra from Rancho Cucamonga.”
    Doesn’t it just roll off your tongue?

    These photos make me exceedingly happy.

  6. I read an article recently which opined something to the effect of the U.S. would never be a real world power in soccer until little kids were playing feral soccer in the streets.

    Apparently, they’d never heard of the WOMEN’S TEAM, which has been kicking ass and taking names since the early ’90s. (Which is particularly impressive given they didn’t get started until the 80s.)

    Also, Brandi Chastain officially had better arms than Clint Dempsey.

    Ok, so it may not be everybody’s taste, but…

    Holy shit, I’ve never seen hipbones like that on a woman. Daaaamn.

  7. Whoops, it wouldn’t let me post images. Just Google Brandi Chastain, and the 2nd and 3rd image results will illustrate my point.

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