All-Star Posts, All-Star Posts, Come And Get Yer All-Star Posts

Good morning. How can you just walk on by without one tear in your eye?

(Incidentally, that song reminds me of this, which I swear only makes me cry because I’m listening to that damn song. Insert “unhealthy obsession” comment here.)

(Yes, I know that you’re getting this post after the afternoon post. It’s still morning in California.)

The current All-MLB RAR leader.

The rest of the All-Star awesomesauce is after the jump, but first: SPOILER ALERT! NO RED SOX OR YANKEES! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!.

NATIONAL LEAGUE (total 279 RAR)

C: Brian McCann (ATL), 21.5 RAR. Look, stats! From me? Never! Anyway, I’ll be using RAR (from Fangraphs) to determine all the election shenaniganocity and such, while you can use the photos to argue over which team takes the victory.

1B: Albert Pujols (STL), 37.1 RAR. Yawn.

2B: Chase Utley (PHI), 33.4 RAR. This one is so unbelievably not close at all.

I give you this photo in case you're wondering what a home run looks like.

SS: Hanley Ramirez (FLA), 29.2 RAR. This one’s even less close (from him to the runners-up, in case you’re confused).

3B: David Wright (NYM), 29.6 RAR. I don’t know what the Farnsworth is up with Wright’s BABIP, but I don’t like it. At all. (Yes, “Farnsworth” is now a curse word. It’s at the behest of other users of Internet. I dunno. It just feels right.)

Believe it or not, buried somewhere in all that cleavage I'm glad I don't have is your 2009 All-Star starting third baseman. Don't even bother trying not to stare.

OF: Matt Kemp (LAD), 33.7 RAR. Sabermetric leaderboards, now with more awesomeness.

I'm actually only using this photo because I'm pretty sure that's my boy DeWitt in the background.

OF: Raul Ibanez (PHI), 31.2 RAR. Sabermetric leaderboards, now with less sexiness. Move along, move along.

OF: Justin Upton (ARI), 29.1 RAR. Sabermetric leaderboards, now with more … Diamondbacks-ness? Honestly, I have no clue. He’s sort of awesome, though.

SP: Tim Lincecum (SFG), 33.9 RAR.

So I kind of love him a lot.

AMERICAN LEAGUE (total 301 RAR)

C: Joe Mauer (MIN), 37.5 RAR. Yeah. Joe Mauer.

Second-hottest sideburns ever. I say second-hottest because I'm in love with David Tennant.

1B: Victor Martinez (CLE), 29.4 RAR. Yes, I’m just as confused about this as you are.

2B: Ian Kinsler (TEX), 30.2 RAR. Not much to say here, except that 1) He’s really hot and 2) He’s really good at baseball and 3) I sort of semi-secretly love the way he wears his pants (it’s the Brandon Inge style, in case you’re looking for a way to compare).

SS: Marco Scutaro (TOR), 29.7 RAR. Although Jason Bartlett is technically the RAR leader at shortstop, I’m giving this one to Scutaro because 1) He’s kept up his high level of production for longer than Bartlett has and 2) It’s only a 0.8 RAR difference.

3B: Evan Longoria (TBR), 39.3 RAR. I really wanted to give this one to my boy Brandon Inge, but I can’t come up with a good excuse. And I won’t give you a photo of Longoria because for some reason he really annoys me. I dunno.

OF: Ben Zobrist (TBR), 37.2 RAR. AND HE’S NOT EVEN ON THE BALLOT! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER DEITY YOU HAPPEN TO BELIEVE IN, USE YOUR WRITE-IN VOTE FOR ZOBRIST. EVERY TIME YOU DON’T, A PUPPY DIES; EVERY TIME YOU DO, A PUPPY THAT WAS ABOUT TO BE KILLED BY ANOTHER VOTE FOR JASON BAY IS SAVED (and hey, I’m actually a pretty big Jason Bay fan). I’VE SAVED 150 PUPPIES, HOW ABOUT YOU?

He looks like John Barrowman. Billy Beane looks like John Barrowman. John Barrowman is hot. Make what you will of this.

OF: Nelson Cruz (TEX), 27.0 RAR. Huh?

OF: Torii Hunter (LAA), 26.9 RAR. I really, really don’t like him, but hey, he’s been the third best AL outfielder, so… yup.

SP: Zack Greinke (KCR), 44.2 RAR. FINE, I GIVE IN, YOU CAN HAVE SOMEONE OTHER THAN ROY HALLADAY AS YOUR ALL-STAR STARTER. I give up until Monday. Now go away and let me cry.

I swear I won't start complaining again until Monday.

So yeah. How are you today?