Crane here, filling in for CuteSports. I apologize for the lateness of the hour, but hey, where I am, it’s technically still morning. This is what the Red Sox get for keeping the Blue Jays in third place over the weekend: You get to make fun of them!
Observe David Ortiz, who probably is reminding himself that the world is just illusion, trying to change him:
Ladies... 
::sniff sniff::
I KNEW I forgot to do something this morning…
He’s praying to JoBu. Well, he better be…
“Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far away. Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far away…”