Good morning. Please bear with me as I present you with my ESPN-implosion-inducing All-Star team.
1B (a.k.a Base the First, because I’m feeling medieval tonight): Justin Morneau (MIN). I dislike Mark Teixeira. I dislike Kevin Youkilis. I don’t care about Miguel Cabrera. Justin Morneau is both 1) Canadian, and 2) Totally hot.
Hit the jump for more.
Base the Second: Brian Roberts (BAL). I know I should probably go with Ian Kinsler here, but since I’m madly in love with Roberts, I just… can’t. Plus, have you seen the strange way that Kinsler wears his pants? They’re like 10 sizes too big. You look like Ollie Perez, dude, and that’s not a good thing this year.
Shortstop: Marco! Scutaro! (TOR). Although he appears on the horrifically misguided FOXSports list of the 10 Hottest Players In Baseball, the reasons that I love him are entirely statistical. You see, he’s only swung at 8.6% of pitches outside of the strike zone this season, easily the best in baseball. Observe:
Base the Third: Brandon Inge (DET). I can’t even tell you how much I love this guy. He might be one of my 5 favorite hitters. Yeah, he’s not really that cute. So what. He’s a career +6.5 UZR/150 at third. His .406 wOBA is fifth-best among 3B this season, and his .387 OBP ranks fourth-best (but I call shenanigans on David Wright’s 3B-leading .461 OBP, because his BABIP is .486, which is just absurd. That’s right, I’m straight-up dissing David Wright’s on-base skills. Deal with it.)
Catcher: Joe Mauer (MIN). Okay, so this one’s obvious. Although Jarrod Saltalamacchia (TEX) might be a bit hotter (blasphemy, I know), Mauer has actually been hitting well this season. So he gets the nod… but you have no idea how tempted I was to pick Gregg Zaun (BAL), just for the hell of it. (No, seriously.)
Catcher's gear = major baseball fetish.
And a picture of Salty, just because I can.
Outfielder the 1st: Jason Bay (BOS). Holy crap, people! I picked someone from a big-market team! Stop the presses!
Outfielder the 2nd: Grady Sizemore (CLE). Because all y’alls would kill me if I didn’t. And plus, his name has a “Z” in it! How cool is that?
Outfielder the 3rd: Travis Snider (TOR). Because I didn’t pick Gregg Zaun to catch, and now I feel like I’m getting boring.
Pitcher, the starting (okay, now this medieval thing is just getting silly): Roy Halladay! (TOR). Because he’s the best pitcher in all of baseball and everyone should know it. (Calling shenanigans on Johan Santana and his lower sIP/GS).
Leave your complaints in the comments, please.
Ladies... 
I love Roy too, but….no Zack Greinke? Now I’m the one calling shenanigans!
I wasn’t aware that Wright’s BABIP was that ridiculous. I mean, sure, his career average IS above .300, so he’s not going to regress completely to the mean, but .486??? Did he sell his soul to the devil for that?
Хм… даже такое бывает.
Oh. My. God. Those catchers… those catchers… I NEED to get into baseball
Yes. Yes, you do.
Minda, have Greinke continue those ridiculous numbers for 5 years and then he can replace Roy. Until then, Roy is the best pitcher in baseball and should start. Has he ever started the All-Star game? Because it’s a travesty if he hasn’t.
Whoa…Noo way Roberts gets second base over Ian! Kinsler’s amazing and personally, I looove the pants :)
I actually do like Kinsler’s pants, and, come to think of it… he has been putting up better numbers… wow. That’s one more selection that I may have totally messed up. I need to stop blogging while being so tired.
I take offense to Halladay starting, too. Isn’t it about being the best pitcher *now*? Sure, Halladay has been great for the past 5 years, and Greinke has been good for all but 1 season. (2006 – which is when he was fighting his anxiety/depression issues)
Right now, there is absolutely no way you can say that Greinke isn’t the best pitcher in the AL. Look at his WHIP, BB/K ratio, ERA+, etc. He is 2nd in the AL with strikeouts – I think he’s got 5 less than Verlander.
Shenanigans.
I’ll concede this one to you and Minda, but only because I see a 53-point difference in their wOBA-against. I just have a feeling that by the time the All-Star break actually rolls around, their season stats will look rather similar.
Then can somebody explain to me why Roy didn’t start the 2003 game? That was the year he won his Cy Young.
Travis Snider…you read my mind…especially in the AA uniform.
Ryan Theriot deserves to be on the list. He is now with the LA Dodgers.