Hot Stove Hotties: Hamels, Markakis, bad MS Paint

Each week this Hot Stove season, we’ll look at some done deals and juicy rumors involving our favorite MLB hotties. This week was extra-hot.

One of the big stories this week was Cole Hamels. The only two-time Hump Day Hottie in the history of the world signed an extension with the Phillies for 3 years and 20.5 million Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers. And just look at that suit! Is that tie some sort of paisley, or is it…amoeba?

Phils fans get to keep him for three more years.

A less hot, but more significant signing happened when Atlanta acquired Derek Lowe for 4 years, $60 million. This is what 2009 will look like…it has been WAY too long since I’ve done a Bad MS Paint post!

"Hmmm, should I grow my mullet back out?"

Speaking of Southern teams, the Rangers’ SS Michael Young caused some Drama (with a capital ‘D’) this week when he demanded a trade. The team had asked him to move to 3rd base to make room for prospect Elvis Andrus. Young eventually announced that he’d stay with the team and move to 3rd, but he’s NOT going to like it, darn it.

It is just out of his grasp.

Back to the hotties. Oh, if only Nick Markakis weren’t married. I’d be one of the first 5,000 or so in line to take the title of Mrs. Markakis. Mmmmmm….wait, what? Anyway, Markakis and the Orioles are apparently going to agree upon a 6-year extension worth about $11 million per year.

"Please sir, I want some more guaranteed years."

More like Mar-HOT-kis. Yeeeahhh!

I do not know where his hands are, or what they are doing. Just sayin'

Boston fans will get to yell “Yoooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukkkkkkkk” for at least 4 more years, as the Sawx extended Kevin Youkilis‘ contract for 4 years, $41 million. This looks like a pretty darn good deal for the team, considering FanGraphs estimated Youk’s worth at $24.8 million and $15.8 million in the last 2 seasons. (Check out the very bottom of his page)

Also in Boston, the Sawx signed Mark Kotsay to a one-year, $1.5 mm deal this week. The one and only reason I mention this fairly insignificant signing is so I can give you all nightmares with this picture:

Mark Kotsay wants to eat your sooooooouuuuullll!

Ugh, sorry. That was scary. Will some extra Cole Hamels make it better?

To cure all that ails you!

Other stuff happened, but as always….we’re not comprehensive here, just occasionally pretty. For more details, check out MLB Trade Rumors. For more pretty, stay right here! Is it April yet?