In Which I Use NFL Team Merchandise to Predict the Super Bowl Matchup

In my short tenure here at Ladies …, I have picked an Angels-Cubs World Series, and managed to finish last in our Bowl Pick ‘Em Pool (technically second to last, but that’s only because Cinn forgot to actually pick the games).  So it’s pretty clear I have no business whatsoever picking winners of this Sunday’s NFC and AFC championship games.  Like any good sports blogger, this is not going to stop me.

Since picking based on my sports “knowledge” doesn’t seem to be working, I decided to use a random and arbitrary method, completely unrelated to how much big-game experience the quarterbacks have and whether a star player is not 100% healthy.  However, I wasn’t exactly sure how to come up with said randomness.  And then, while conducting a Google Image hunt for a picture of the Arizona Cardinals’ mascot, I found my muse :

Arizona Cardinals
This inner tube is sold by the Cardinals’ Official Pro Shop.  I love the implication that being a Cardinals fan requires the aid of lifesaving flotation devices.  (… says the Jets fan.) Anyway, stumbling upon this picture made me wonder what goofy, unintentionally hilarious items the other remaining playoff teams had in their team stores.

Baltimore Ravens
Want a Ravens stuffed animal, but suffer from ornithophobia? Consider this stuffed crab, instead.  The justification for this is apparently that Maryland is famous for crabs;  this little guy’s currently out of stock, so someone must be buying that line of reasoning.  On the store website (click on the picture above) you can view additional pictures of the crab from every angle — in case you are really picky about your stuffed animal purchases.

Pittsburgh Steelers

OK, a silk scarf isn’t that odd — though it’s a little weird to have a delicate, 100% silk scarf screaming “STEELERS” at you — but the unintentional hilarity of the photo staging made me select this item over the stepping stone that can be wall mounted.  It’s like the photographer wanted to get a clear picture of the design, but also didn’t trust that people would know that a silk scarf is supposed to be worn.  Maybe they were afraid people would mistake it for the new luxury line of Terrible Towels.

Philadelphia Eagles

And finally, in the Eagles’ official team store, you can buy … a tree.  Not this tree, necessarily, but a tree to be planted in “Eagles Forest” in Neshaminy State Park in Pennsylvania to help offset the Eagles’ carbon emissions.  While I applaud the effort to think green, whoever in the Eagles organization came up with the idea to pass the environment off as team merchandise totally deserves a raise.

So, how are these four items going to help me predict the conference champions?  Well, extending the logic of the traditional Rock, Paper, Scissors game, I have determined the following:

Eagles (tree) vs. Cardinals (inflatable tube) –> Tree punctures inner tube –> Eagles win

Ravens (plush crab) vs. Steelers (silk scaf) –> Scarf wraps/ties up crab –> Steelers win

Random …check!

Arbitrary …check!

Your Super Bowl XLIII matchup will be the Philadelphia Eagles vs. the Pittsburgh Steelers.  The state of Pennsylvania rejoices.

Here are some of the other Ladies’ picks, using (possibly) less superficial methods.  Obviously, all of them did better than me in Bowl Pick ‘Em (Minda won), so you might want to take that into account:

Who are you rooting for this weekend?  And would you actually buy any of the above items?