Welcome back, NFL: Eli, urine, and more

Thanks to this website, I am losing my NFL fantasy league virginity. We held the draft of the Ladies… league last night, and let me tell you, it is HARD to watch Rebublican National Convention coverage and Project Runway while drafting a fantasy team for which I didn’t pre-rank anyone at all. What an adventure. So here’s how my vewwwy fiwst dwaft went…

QB1: Eli Manning, NYG

Eli Manning will be under center in 2008’s first NFL game tonight against Washington. Check it out on NBC! Woooo it’s NFL time! (But it is also still baseball season! I <3 my life!)

On the other side of the field, WR Santana Moss will hopefully catch a few balls and win me some points. All the Ladies…, plus special guests Pam and Thistlewarrior, are matched up in this here Yahoo! league. I don’t know if the link works for outsiders, but if it does…feel free to go look at our rosters, I guess? (Confidential to Metschick: You and me this week, Metsy. Ima beat you!)

"Thanks for picking me, Minda!"

I don’t want to be “that guy” and break down my draft strategy for you (“Oh no, it’s almost my turn and I don’t have anyone ready to go! Here’s a guy I’ve heard of; I’ll go with him.”), so here are just a few more members of my team, the Bags of Urine.

Remember the Braylon Edwards Hump Day Hottie post? Yeah, that’s worth revisiting, and hopefully he was worth a draft pick.

Hi, Braylon. Be good to me this season, will ya?

I didn’t think very hard about my choice of kicker. But I later found this sorta funny picture of my choice, Packer Mason Crosby.

"I can't believe it's not butter!"

Reggie Bush and his Saints teammates had to pack up and relocate for now, thanks to that stupid poopyhead Gustav, and Peter King thinks that might actually be an advantage. I hope so, given that I’ve got Reggie Bush as one of my starting running backs.

(For extra credit, check out the Reggie Bush Hump Day Hottie post.)

Obviously, there are more players on the Bags of Urine roster. But I really don’t want to be That Guy, so we’ll leave it at that…but I can’t just call a team “Bags of Urine” without an explanation, can I? That would just make me look crazy. So, the story:

At the stadium where I worked this summer, we have three mascots, so it only makes sense that they get their own room to change and store their mascotty gear. But one day they had to use a different room because MLB  officials needed the space to do drug tests.

Well, two of the gals from the team front office missed the memo that the room was NOT being used for mascots that day, so they strolled in to the mascot room expecting to see, you know, mascots. Instead, a player from the visiting team emerged from the back of the room holding a massive IV-style bag of his own pee. The ladies were horrified, and couldn’t look this player in the eye when they saw him on the field later. He didn’t understand why they felt so awkward, and yelled across the field, “What?? It’s just URINE!”

When this story was relayed to me later that evening, I vowed to name something “Bags of Urine” to commemorate the discomfort of the day. So I hope Eli, Reggie, Braylon and the rest feel honored to be named after some Minor League Baseball dude’s potty.

(Oh damn, I almost made it through a whole post without baseball!)

Welcome back, NFL! That's my cursive writing!