A press conference I’d love to see

Some of the baseball Ladies… are watching their teams in successful circumstances: Metsy’s Mets (duh) and Chitown Chick’s Cubbies are in first place; Lady Andrea’s Cardinals are in the hunt for the NL Wild Card; Cinnamon Girl’s Twins are looking for the same thing the AL.

Not me. Last night, my Royals had a chance to maybe win a game, and lost it when my favorite pitcher dropped a popup. Our overpaid, underperforming outfielder/DH has shifted from yelling at the media to yelling at fans (while his manager is on the can, no less).  Furthermore, the top draft pick KC fans were all so thrilled about signing? Well, turns out his contract may not have been legit.

Eric Hosmer: Contract not filed in time? Oh noes!

Things aren’t too great at the Triple-A level, either. The Omaha Royals roster has been completely fragmented by injuries, to the point where a DH/sometimes-OF has had to pitch three different times, and many of our starts are made by relievers, and those relievers often go deeper into games than our actual starters.

Dear Shane Costa, we miss you. Get un-hurt soon!

Meanwhile, the team’s future in Omaha is uncertain. The boys currently play in Rosenblatt Stadium, which is home to the College World Series for the time being. A new stadium is being built in downtown Omaha so the CWS can stay in the city for many years, which is great news for the city but leaves the Royals out. It was officially announced a while ago that the team would not be playing in the downtown stadium and was therefore looking for a home.

This is my team's home...for now!

So then I see this vague news item saying that there will be a news conference this afternoon to discuss the team’s future, whatever that means. Our fun-loving team president is even in town for the affair. I don’t think they’ll be making an announcement that they’ve found a home, but I have no idea what else is up. Here’s what I hope the post-conference news stories might say:

“The Omaha Royals refuse to move”
The team will continue to play on the grounds of Rosenblatt, even after the stadium is torn down to rubble and the Henry Doorly Zoo across the street expands on to their ground. It would be really back-to-the-basics: Scraps of cardboard for bases, fans in lawn chairs and truck beds, the field lit by car headlights gathered ’round behind home plate. Ahh, the good ole days.

“The Omaha Royals announce that they’ll be playing in a Lazer Tag arena”
How badass would that be? Other teams would roll into town and expect to play some ball, then BLAM! We totally blast them with our plastic Lazer guns.

“ORoyals players re-form into dance troupe”
“The team, frustrated by recent injuries and callups to key players, has turned to a new hobby to bring joy to the clubhouse: Irish step-dancing. Players who have been benched with more minor injuries like the opportunity to stay active, while others just get bored easily between at-bats, heard the music in the clubhouse, and joined in on the fun.

“When asked about his players’ new non-baseball hobby, manager Mike Jerschele just laughed and said there were a lot of worse things they could be doing, like getting injured a lot and losing a ton of gam–oh. Shit.”

* * * * * * *

We do have a glimmer of hope, and his name is Kila Ka’aihue. Everyone, meet Kila. He’s kind of awesome – he hits for power and walks a lot. Woot woot!

The Hawaiian Punch - Kila Ka'aihue. It cool if I call him that? Thanks.

Ahem. Anyways, these boys…they make up my team. I work for them, I listen to their games when they’re on the road, I’m giddy when they win and grumpy when they lose. I just hope they can stay in the Omaha area because, well, it’s my town. And it’s a more fun place to be when there’s MiLB in town.