Wrap-up, Special Weekend Edition: WRRRRYYYY, Hot Dogs

Happy long weekend! It’s the NBA offseason, and I’m here to bring you the moves – or not-moves – of this week in the NBA, as well as hot-dog eating, just because.

Filmmaker, friend of Alba, and noted bearded hottie Baron Davis opted out of his contract with the Golden State Warriors a year early this week to sign a million, six-year contract with the LA Clippers. So…what exactly is Fear the Beard supposed to do now?

Why, Baron? However is the Bay area going to be cool again without you?

Baron’s always been Hollywood, which may have something to do with leaving his situation at Golden State to play for…the Clippers? Really? The Warriors lowballed him, and the Clippers were only too happy to take up the slack. Depressed as it makes me to think of a Bay without Baron, his presence in LA will make them worth watching. They may even make the playoffs this year. There can be no replacement for Baron in Golden State, though, and they didn’t make any moves towards one during and around the draft; Monta Ellis is extraordinarily talented, but he’s not a point guard. This is probably Nellie’s last year coaching, and it’ll be interesting to see who gets the ball – DJ Strawberry, lace up those sneakers? – but it’s unlikely that the Warriors will make the playoffs without Baron, and that’s sad on multiple levels. This was going to happen, though, and it looks like the Warriors are just going to have to go into hibernation a year early. (You can’t tell, but I’m crying on the inside.)

Meanwhile, Elton Brand opted out, and he still has not said whether he’ll be returning to the Clippers next year. Come on, Elton, make up your mind so I can write something snappy about your choice! There’s a chance he’ll go to the Warriors – they’re offering him up to 90 million for five years. Much as the Warriors need a low-post presence, they suddenly need a point guard more.

Choose Baron, Elton, not the money! Baron and Elton and  Mobley and Maggette and natal-headed Eric Gordon and Caveman Kaman would be such good times. If Shaun Livingston comes back from that gruesome injury – all the better! As Scoop Jackson just said on my television: that’s sexy.

One reason for the Warriors’ seemingly inexplicable lowballing of Baron: they were trying to throw their money in the direction of hottie Gilbert Arenas. Gilbert in the Bay would have been exciting, but no – he’s staying in DC. As he said in a particularly rambling blog post, he would stay if, and only if, the Wizards resigned his best friend forever DeShawn Stevenson. Aww. That’s adorable. Granted, it’s probably because the Wizards without DeShawn would not go very far, even in the East – but it’s more entertaining if it’s just because they’re BFFs.

Quoth Arenas:

“The future is the future. I want to be back in Washington, but weird things happen in free agency. If Antawn is not back, then there’s no point in me coming back. . . My success is because of him too. If he doesn’t come back, I’m not coming back.

I know everybody is focusing on whether I’m coming back, but I’m focusing on what he’s doing. If he doesn’t come back, then I’m not coming back.”

Tell me that’s not adorable. I mean, yeah, it’s based on the court, and if the Wizards could make it through a season without any of their Big Three getting hurt, they could make serious waves in the post-season. But still. Awwuh.

The Mavericks signed previously-unemployed dunk champion and hottie Gerald Green earlier this week. What? I think he’s cute! In a teenaged kind of way.

Will he play? I don’t know. Without Avery, anything’s possible. Even with J-Kidd, though, the Mavs badly needed some swag, so hopefully Gerald can fill that gap.

Down in Atlanta, Josh and Other Josh have uncertain situations. The Sixers desperately want Josh Smith, but he left Philly without a contract earlier this week. Josh Childress, meanwhile, might be re-signed by the Hawks, or might go to a team with the MLE. Unless Al Horford’s involved, I don’t care too much. Josh is good. Other Josh is good. Re-sign them, why not?

Josh, Not-Josh, Other Josh. Picture from my favorite FD post of all time.

In the saddest NBA news, it’s final: the Sonics as we know them are gone from Seattle. The city’s keeping the name and colors if they ever want to try again, but Kevin Durant, Jeff Green and the team are headed to OKC. Insert rage and sadness here – and schadenfreude; Clay Bennet is not going to have a particularly winning team, for all his efforts to get it.

Man, now they're going to have to reshoot that rad commercial.

In non-NBA news, but totally worth knowing: Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest went into its first-ever tie-breaker yesterday between Kobayashi Takeru and Joey Chestnut. Tied at 59 dogs each, they went into a five-dog playoff…er, eat-off? Joey Chestnut won handily, winning his second straight title and keeping it in the US of A. Does this mean that Kobayashi’s reign is officially over? This is like Federer/Nadal here! Except with more processed meat.

Is it me, or is Kobayashi kind of hot? I mean, apart from the whole self-force-feeding thing. I like his ever-changing hair.

The Olympics? Ha! We’ve got hot-dog eating! U-S-A! U-S-A!

2 thoughts on “Wrap-up, Special Weekend Edition: WRRRRYYYY, Hot Dogs

  1. Pingback: Bookmarks about Rad

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