Sometimes, when I get really really steamed, I can think of only one way to sort through my anger: Bake cookies. Some recipes are better than others for dealing with different types of annoyance, and since I’ve had plenty of opportunities to explore those, I’ll show you the delicious peanut buttery way:
When annoyed with the man-friend:
This is, as the linked recipe proclaims, pretty darn easy to make. But it’s good to do when you’re fed up with the bf, because you can take out your anger on the dough when you make the little fork-marks across each cookie and pretend the cookie is his head and the fork is a big fork and gaaaaaaaaahhhHULK SMASH!
…Ahem. All right, moving on:
When annoyed with the man-friend, but also drinking: The store-bought tube of dough
Hon, if you’ve got the silly sauce coursing through your veins, it’s probably best to step away from sharp or hot things in the kitchen. Open the tube of dough, grab a spoon and munch your way through the dough while Sex and the City DVDs keep you company. You may also want to keep a trash can nearby, as the combination of your wine and the sugary M&M-filled dough will definitely stain the carpet on the way back up.
For those days when the whole world is a huge jerk: Cutout sugar cookies from scratch
The Clash once wrote, “Anger can be power if you know that you can use it.” If you’re annoyed at the world, you can make it into a delicious evening with this sugar cookie recipe and some cookie cutters. Or, skip the cutters and sculpt your own. (Bonus quiz game for you, our dear readers: Guess what shape of cookie I made yesterday.)
With the cutters pictured, you could make a forest full of good luck, Valentine’s Day crap, and uhhh…the bones of dead famous people. Then you could sell the bones to a museum and make lots of money.
In the event of Blind, seething anger: The Funfetti Cakie
This is what inspired this mess of a post. The Royals had blown 5-1 leads two freaking games in a row, and of course lost both games. This recipe works because it is the easiest thing next to pre-made dough: two eggs, some oil and a cake mix. That’s it. You can stew over your bullpen’s struggles* without worrying at all about messing up the recipe. Just be sure you have someone to share your misery, because this is not something one person should eat the whole batch of.
*UPDATE: some good news appeared today – Brett Tomko was DFA’d, and Minor League stud Carlos Rosa was called up to take his place in long relief. Score! Maybe now, no more 5-1 leads will be blown, and this hopeless KC fan doesn’t have to OD on cakies every week.