Weekly Top 30 Rankings: Damn Cubs.

Here we are again. I had to rank the Cubs and Red Sox pretty high this week because I go strictly by their records because I find that funny. I guess I have to stick with it. Grumble grumble harumph harumph.

1^st place: Arizona Diamondbacks at 13-5. Wow. Huh.

2^nd place: Chicago Cubs at 12-6. Half of their wins have come against the Pirates. So really they’re a .500 team.

Theriot and Fontenot, the Shakespearean Cubbies.

3^rd place: Boston Red sox at 13-7. They only vaulted up here because they’ve taken 3 straight from the lowly Rangers. They still got swept by the Blue Jays.

4^th place: St. Louis Cardinals at 12-7. They lost two in a row for the first time this season. Tis but a scratch!

WOOO!

5^th place: Florida Marlins, Milwaukee Brewers, Chicago White Sox at 11-7. In order: the Marlins are hanging right in there, aren’t they? Milwaukee has two big games with St. Louis the next two days; the Cubs rejoice. The White Sox are about to host 3 games with the Yankees and then 4 with the Orioles. That will be very telling about whether or not they are legit.

8^th place: Oakland Athletics and Los Angeles Angels at 12-8. I wonder how long this dog-fight in the AL West can continue?

10^th place: New York Mets at 10-7. You’re a half game behind the Marlins. That’s weird, huh?

11^th place: Baltimore Orioles at 11-8. Seriously…what the fuck? When do they start sucking? They just took 2 out of 3 from the Yankees. Black is white, up is down.

12^th place: Toronto Blue Jays at 10-9. See above.

13^th place: New York Yankees, Seattle Mariners, Colorado Rockies, Atlanta Braves at 10-10 or 9-9. In order: aww poor Awod is hut and now yu are fwive hundwed. Can I even name a Mariner who is not named Ichiro? Hmm…nope. Meh, kind of over God’s Team. The Braves are riding a 4-game winning streak and about to host the lowly Nationals for 2 games. Should get them caught up with the Mets.

17^th place: Kansas City Royals, Minnesota Twins, San Diego Padres, Philadelphia Phillies at 9-10. In order: The Royals were rollin’ until dropping 4 straight. I hope they can right the ship. The Twins? Meh. The Padres: Maddux and Peavy and pray for…a break in the leavy? …I got nothing. Phillies: about to go on a fairly easy road trip to Colorado, Milwaukee and Pittsburgh. By next week’s rankings they should be 14-12.

Mmmm, Peavy.

21^st place: Cincinnati Reds, San Francisco Giants, Tampa Bay Rays at 8-11. The Reds are back to their rightful place in the NL Central. 50% of the Giants’ wins have come from the Cardinals. Dammit. The Rays…are bad.

24^th place: Pittsburgh Pirates, Los Angeles Dodgers at 7-11. When do the Cardinals get to feast on the carcass of the Pirates like the Cubs have? The Dodgers? Meh.

26^th place: Texas Rangers, Houston Astros, Cleveland Indians at 7-12. I really don’t particularly care about any of these teams.

29^th place: Detroit Tigers at 6-13. HEY! NOT LAST PLACE ANYMORE! WOOOO!

30^th place: Washington Nationals at 5-14. They are 2-14 over the last 2.5 weeks. That brand-new ballpark deserves better.

Awww, poor Nationals Park…