This is the logo for the Texas Christian University Horned Frogs. You do not need to see the bowl logo, or to know anything else about tonight’s matchup (because it’s at 8:00 on a Friday night on the NFL Network; you won’t even see the damned thing), apart from the following:
- The Texas Horned Frog is actually a lizard, which is markedly more awesome,
- and when provoked, it can spit a stream of blood out of its eyes at distances of up to five feet.
Now, this has been covered to death, but does not stop it from being the coolest power ever. Fuck flying; fuck invisibility; my wish to make my head spin 360 degrees when angered has been replaced by a burning desire for the powers of the Texas horned lizard. Who needs a T-shirt gun when your mascot can send streams of blood from its effing EYES into the opposing student section?
(Yes, this is the actual mascot; no, as near as I can discern, the suit does not contain spitting mechanisms; and no, I have no idea why it’s wearing a midriff shirt.)
And yes, apart from the threads, that’s pretty much exactly what they look like:
Now, I know what you’re all asking: “Is there some sort of preservation society for these majestic critters, and do they have a national conference I might attend?” Yes, and yes.
The Pick: TCU, 27-7, by virtue of having the most nightmare-fuelingest, fire-ant-eatingest, mistaken-for-an-amphibianest mascot on God’s green earth.
We will now find many, many reasons to use the “blood-spitting reptiles” tag. Awesome.
We’d have to ramp up our Saban coverage.
And Florida. It’s too bad Joakim Noah graduated. I bet he can do that.
The sole reason I picked TCU was fear of what would happen if I picked against their mighty Horned mascot.
I think whoever named the mascot was having trouble with it being the horny frogs and decided horned would sound better.
Good Lord. That mascot makes the Fort Wayne Mad Ant look like a good idea. Who was the ad wizard that came up with that one?