“Oh, god, I made eye contact.”


BILL MARTIN: Congratulations on the conference championship, Les.

LES MILES: Bill, Michigan and I broke up thirteen years ago.

BILL MARTIN: It doesn’t mean we can’t go out.

LES MILES: Well, it does, actually. That’s what “I’m not a candidate for that job and I will not be a candidate for the job” is.

BILL MARTIN: You going to Ann Arbor tonight?



BILL MARTIN: Don’t you wanna open your present?

LES MILES: If it’s a severed head, I’ll be very upset. Unless it’s Nutt’s.


LES MILES: OK. OK. …what is it?

BILL MARTIN: It’s 2.5 million a year for five years. And a coatrack.

LES MILES: Sh’yeah, great. I don’t even own A Coat, let alone many coats necessitating an entire rack. What am I gonna do with a coat rack, unless I abandon my fresh SEC laurels, unfathomably deep in-state talent base, and use of a live tiger to live in Michigan?

BILL MARTIN: You don’t like it? Fine.

[flounces away]


BILL MARTIN: Les, if you’re not careful, you’re gonna lose us.

LES MILES: I lost you thirteen years ago. You? Lost ME when you threw the spotlight at me on the eve of preparing my team for a conference championship. We broke up. Get the net*!  It’s time that Michigan goes on with their search for a football coach. I’ll say it again, I’m going to be the coach at LSU next season.** Are you mental?

*Or a sailboat with a satellite dish.–ed.

**”Unless I’m not.”

8 thoughts on ““Oh, god, I made eye contact.”

  1. First Orson puts Les Miles in booty shorts in one skit, and you put Bill Martin in a dress in photoshop the next.

    I’m not sure whether to congratulate you for making me throw up a little in my mouth for a second consecutive day or not.

  2. This couldn’t possibly have happened like this. Mostly because it would require Bill Martin having initiative, let alone taking it.

    But full marks for the gun rack sequence…

  3. What the hell… it ain’t as frightening as the picture from a couple weeks back of Tom Brady and the goat. :p

    This has got to be humiliating for the fanbase. Then again it is Michigan.



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