Saturday Morning Hate Sex

Oh. Oh, last week sucked. (Hush your filthy mind; that’s after the jump.) Fifty percent of the Ladies saw their beloved college teams fall. Of course, we were in good company…everyone who’s anyone was on the losing end of the scoreboard. The top 25 is full of pretenders and upstarts. Chaos reigns, and I’m not just talking about my twisted sheets. I’ve been battling the nervous giggles of survivor’s guilt since Saturday night–my Vols had their usual bye date bumped up two weeks this year and I’m ridiculously grateful.

But it’s a new day. A new week. And if the college football gods are off their bender, a return to some semblance of order and right. Let’s take this morning to wipe the slate clean, and get down and dirty with our vanquishers. Join us, won’t you?

For Texy and her Longhorns:

Jordy Nelson, WR, Kansas State. Averaged nearly ten yards a carry despite being small enough for me to wear as a fanny pack.


For Andrea and her Hawkeyes:

Kellen Lewis, QB, Indiana. 285 yards passing, 59 yards rushing, 4 TDs. Pretty frisky looking, ain’t he?


For Metsy and her Scarlet Knights:

Lance Ball, RB, Maryland. 2TDs, averaged 7.5 ypc, and a hell of a dancer, apparently.


For J-Money (and Holly, by way of heredity) and her Mountaineers:

Matt Grothe, QB, South Florida. 1 TD/2 INT, and not much of a looker, but it doesn’t matter–we’re making him wear a bag over his head on account of we still can’t fathom how we lost to South Fucking Florida.


Speaking of Cuz’n J-Money and myself, we’re holding court over at EDSBS this weekend–stop by and have a cocktail or seven. Enjoy the games, ducklings.

11 thoughts on “Saturday Morning Hate Sex

  1. I don’t mean to alarm you Holly, but that team with the hippies in the trees outside their stadium that you saw in person are looking like they’re going to be #1 this week.

  2. I have such a great gift of jinx, which is good because I’d rather saw my own leg off with a spoon than see another Florida-Ohio St. championship game this year.

  3. Hey I like little white guys like Jordy Nelson.
    Danny Amendola WR for Texas Tech, Tom Zbikowski, Colt David K LSU, or Cody Hawkins Qb at Colorado. They are all great looking guys who can play on the gridiron. Give me a tinie whitey football boy anytime!!

  4. Pingback: The Cross-Legged Mutant: The Headline Edition

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