Welcome to the Pink Locker Room, where the Ladies have tickle fights, eat lots of bacon and talk college football. In the midst of all the NFLy goodness, we still had a fun day of football on Saturday. Let’s check in with our Ladies’ teams…..
Metschick: WOO! RU won Friday night! It wasn’t a terribly pretty win, but I’ll take it. The Scarlet Knights scored 41, and the game was never really close, but seeing so many penalties was a little dismaying. I don’t want to imagine what a better team would do with all those mistakes. And dammit – I have to wait a week to see another game? (RU vs. Norfolk, 9/15/07) . Hottie Mike Teel pictured below:
Holly: Bad News for Tennessee: It took us most of the first half to get any kind of a hold on Southern Miss. In our home opener.
Good News: Once we got them under our heels we held on to the tune of 39-19.
Bad News: We won’t have that kind of time to settle down next week when we travel to Gainesville…
Good News: ….where the Gators got 31 hung on them last night. By Troy.
SA: I just…what the fuck do you say? Our defense looks like shit, Henne is hurt and before that he didn’t look good today. And the one player, the ONE FUCKING PLAYER that came to play both games got hurt and is out. Seriously y’all, I have tears in my eyes right now. I know I shouldn’t feel this way about a game because it is just a game. But goddamn.
TSW: For Lady SA whose team fell short the second week in a row; chin up, maybe after this season you can lose “Can You See Me Dying on the Inside Through My Granny Sunglasses” Carr.
Saint Lombardi says, “In great attempts, it is glorious even to fail.
Andrea: Well, I think Iowa looked good. From what I read. I wouldn’t ACTUALLY know because Comcast sucks so much ass. We won 35-0, but we were also playing Syracuse. I think my high school could hang 35 points on Syracuse. On the bright side, we didn’t have to hold them 7 times at the goal line like last year, so there is that. And Jake Christensen had 280 yds and 4 TDs. Woo hoo. Hottie Receiver Andy Brodell pictured below:
For the rest of the post, we’d just like to include Ladies’ chatter from the day. The ESPN game was Wake Forest, alma mater of our own esteemed J-money:
J-money: Oh goddamn you. GODDAMN YOU, Kevin Marion. Way to drop a sure TD. What does it say about me that I 1) just threw a shoe at the wall and 2) immediately magic erased it right off the wall. I have put the Magic Eraser beside me on the sofa…it’s rare that it comes out before halftime.
This is why none of my friends-NONE of them- would go to the game with me.
TSW: Toby Keith is doing the video intros for OK? Jesus… he looks like Kid Rock in that shot.
Holly: A delicious tidbit to make his jingoistic misogynistic racist ass a little more hilarious: I have unimpeachable intel that he is gay as a picnic basket.
J-money: Kevin Marion, I hope you die in a fire. Way to kill Wake’s fun-sized, mini-rally by blocking a DE in the back. You are a wide receiver, you fuck. …
J-money: FUCK YOU Kevin Marion. Way to get another goddamn penalty. I am going to find out what dorm you live in. Luter. I bet it’s Luter. Lock your doors, Marion.
And also, I once went into a gas station restroom where someone had scratched out the word “French” on the condom dispenser and edited it, so for $1.00, you could purchase a Freedom Tickler. I completely blame Toby Keith.
Andrea: Freedom Ticklers is the new name of my rock band
J-money: After reading the wine descriptions at dinner last night, I’ve decided my band will be The Soft Mouthfeels. We’ll open for you.
Andrea: The Soft Mouthfeels opening for Freedom Ticklers. This is GOLD, I tell you! Do you think Marc Bulger and Drew Brees would come be our roadies?
J-money: They’d better be. Otherwise we’ll be stuck with our gear and our wrestling buddies.
J-money: Dear Jim Grobe:
Running the ball isn’t really working right now. Please try something else, maybe something that doesn’t involve Kevin Marion.
TSW: Still, three points that you stole from Nebraska. Still good.
J-money: Sigh. I know. Sometimes I think I liked Wake better when we didn’t have any expectations, except maybe not crashing the team bus. Seriously, when I was there we would roll the Quad (one of their big traditions…coating trees in toilet paper like someone just gave us baby carrots when we trick-or-treated) if we beat the spread.
Wake Forest has a TD.
J-money: YES! I FUCKING LOVE YOU KEVIN MARION! Take my ovaries! Both of them.
Wake Forest has it called back.
J-money: BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! That’s two horrid calls against Wake. The first one was that “‘late hit” penalty before Nebraska’s first field goal. I need another Magic Eraser. This one’s already shredded to ribbons.
Wake Forest finally gets the TD.
J-money: Finally! I’m making myself stop using the caps lock. … They just compared Wake Forest to Kajagoogoo. I hate you, ESPN. Actually, I am simmering today, like the crockpot of hate. … WFV v. Marshall is known as the “Friends of Coal Bowl”. Does coal have any natural enemies or is it kind of like a scorpion or a falcon? Discuss.
Holly: At my house, it’s the Aunt-Off. Favorite auntie is WFV, aunt who may be the Mothman (long story) is Marshall.
TSW: Coal does have enemies – Miners, Dwarves, and “clean burning” natural gas. And its prettier cousin, the diamond.
Back to Wake Forest….
J-money: I want to have sex with Kenny Moore.
Holly: I GLANCED AT THAT AND THOUGHT IT SAID KENNY MAYNE AND MY UTERUS LEAPED UP AND TRIED TO THROTTLE ME FROM WITHIN. But it didn’t. So we’re good.
J-money: That spot was ri-goddamn-diculous. Why not just have a cow wander onto the field, take a shit, and put the ball there. Just as accurate. I just ate part of the Magic Eraser.
TSW: FDUCKING CHRIST J-MONEY NOW I’VE THROWN MY SHOE.
(Editor’s note: Fducking? Must be a Pittsburgh thing.)
Wake Forest QB Brett Hodges throws an interception in the end zone.
J-money: OH FUCK YOU, HODGES. Nobody’s made a pass that clumsy since Anthony Michael Hall made a move on Molly Ringwald. FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU.
TSW: Well what the fuck was the run before it too?
J-money: No kidding. I just threw my official Wake Forest sippy cup into the guest room. This game is starting to prove that sometimes you’re R.Kelly, sometimes you’re the underage girl. You know, Capri Sun pouches are surprisingly durable. I just fucking Zumaya’ed one of them at the wall.
Sigh. I look forward to the day I get screwed as thoroughly as the Deacs just did. Off to the gym. Hulk smash.
Edited to add: The quote of the week was uttered by my friend Eric, who was the only one of us in a Pick ‘Em group to pick BYU over UCLA. “I flew too close to the sun on the wings of caffeine-free Diet Coke.”