What Not To Wear: Los Angeles Dodgers

Dear Dodger Fandom:

I live among you now, and in an effort to assimilate myself and learn your ways, I tagged along to one of your base-ball games last week.

I was hoping things would be different, Dodger Fandom. I really want us to be friends. The problem is that most of you were dressed like this:


I ask you this: How can I buddy up to grown-ass men wearing women’s sunglasses?


How can I relate to women who tie their hair back with actual rubber bands? Breakage! HelLO!


That’s not dirt. It’s back hair. Back hair on a man wearing a sleeveless basketball jersey to a baseball game (I don’t even want to talk about the hat):


I want to like you, Dodgers. I want to walk among you and talk stats and cheer for that one outfielder of yours who wears the blue knee socks (seriously, what’s his name? Can I keep him?), but I just don’t think this was meant to be.


Oh, honey, no.

It’s not me. It’s you.

44 thoughts on “What Not To Wear: Los Angeles Dodgers

  1. wow these girls need metal-free hair-ties badly. I hate the “put my hair through the back of the cap without actually tying it back” look, but the usage of an actual rubber band takes the cake. white trash.

  2. Seriously. Every drug store sells those “ouch-free” ties. I have tons of them all over my house. And in my car.

  3. Metsy, I seriously have thirty of those JUST around the gearshift of my car. They are a godsend, and I can attest to their ready availability in the Los Angeles Metro area.

  4. fair enough TSW! save the b day wishes for next year, that’s the big one!

    Oh yea, and Im sure Stacey and Clinton would have plenty to say about these people.

  5. Holly, I suspect the outfielder you’re referring to is Juan Pierre, and most Dodger fans I’ve come into contact with would be happy if you kept him….far away from the stadium.

    Boo on the dude in the Kobe jersey — go shell out for a #24 if you’re going to rock that at a baseball game.

  6. holly – me too! my friend told me the other day “god, your car is girly.” There are the bands around the gearshift, last night’s necklace around the rearview mirror, and a blush and lipgloss in the cupholder.

  7. Metsy, I don’t even want to go into how many lipglosses I have rattling around my bag, pockets, and car. I’ll lose all my Mean Girl cred.

    S2N–YES! That’s who I’m talking about! I don’t care what kind of player he is, I just love his socks.

  8. His socks are cool, but I HATE Juan Pierre. S2N, I think we discussed this over at DUAN – his stupid peanut head bugs.

  9. Holly, the only good thing about Juan Pierre is the way he wears his socks — otherwise, he’s got the peanut head (as Metsy noted) complete with the molester ‘stache. That, plus all he can do is dink singles, and he has an awful arm.

  10. I feel the need to point out that I did not need to wander around the stadium to get all these shots. Every one of these people was within ten feet of me. That’s an alarming trash ratio for such a small sample size.

  11. These people could compete with the trash at the meadowlands flea market every saturday in the giants stadium parking lot…

    And are those two guys wearing regular hats under those spikey head things?

  12. Fucking pink. When I went to the Nats game, I had to declare my allegiance when I bought a hat. I chose the bright red cap with the script “W” instead of the blue one, so if I get shot, I expect the C4 News Team to declare war on the Crips.

  13. pink hat, jerseys, shirts with team logo-all suck

    Pam I didn’t notice that until now! They are wearing hats underneath the spikes! WTF?

  14. Yeah, if they’re that eager to not have that smelly piece of rubber touch their heads, maybe reconsidering wearing it at all is the answer, no?

  15. as a redsox fan, the pink hat… if my team started that….its an embarassment i just thought it was a boston thing now its spreading…urgh….as for dodger fans i was going to give them a pass when i heard they actually stayed for games after the 7th when gagne was there..but the next day after he was traded to boston, i read a story out of the L.A. times, this was when barry bonds was in town…that gagne may have used steriods…i thought hey dodgers let him go to the rangers…why sour grapes now…why the steroid thing…and those pictures are not helping…but one thing i will say vin scully the best announcer in baseball…when the mets play the dodgers, i always listen to vin..its like a tonic for the soul…so that maybe the only reason i could ever stand the dodgers…. when vin is gone…

  16. oh Holly I so agree with you on all of this. I am an Angeleno as well, none of my friends like baseball so I usually find myself heading out to Chavez Ravine on my own — which I don’t mind at all — but the crowd at Dodger Stadium is like something out of the twilight zone and not at all a stereotypically LA crowd. Is fascinating and yet at the Dodgers-Padres game last month 90% of the staduim was too heavy to fit in their seat. So i kept sucking down my margarita and people watching while game watching. lol

    And ladies, just say NO to the pink sports gear. Wear your team’s colors with PRIDE.

  17. So i kept sucking down my margarita and people watching while game watching. lol

    that’s part of the fun! If I wanted to just watch the game, I’d stay at home. But I love going, and seeing Cowbell Man and that dude in the Mezzanine whom everyone knows (Ka-something or other).

    Can’t wait till my next ball game!

  18. Extra P, re: the Nats cap: in a number of neighborhoods in NW DC, people rock the blue cap with DC on it because they won’t wear something that’s got a “W” on it. That’s about as close as it gets to gang warfare in that part of town.

    Otherwise it’s been a long time since I went to a Dodgers game but I remember a high quotient of…um, colorful patrons. The luckiest guy I saw was some middle aged geezer who decided it would be a good idea to punch one of the three Marines in front of him sometime during the 4th inning. We were all looking forward to seeing these young men dismember him, but they were too disciplined for that and just let the LAPD take him away… in the late 80s that was probably more dangerous for Drunko Puncher anyway.

  19. What the hell? No. No self-respecting fan would wear a pink hat.

    Unless their team colors involved pink.

    That’s why I’m a Giants fan, black goes with EVERYTHING.

    (Which is good, ’cause, you know, orange…)

  20. Mary Sue, I’m with you on the pink hat. I DESPISE pink sports gear. Absolutely despise it. Actually, I’ll go a bit further and say I despise any sort of off-color sports gear…wear the right colors or don’t wear it at all.

    Let me amend that and say that the green gear is ok, but that’s because don’t most teams wear it for St Pat’s at ST? Also, powder blue and maroon old school Phillies gear, because yes. :)

  21. Exactly. I mean, if the guys on the field are wearing/once wore the colors, it’s totally fine in my book.

    Wearing a pink hat? You’re part of the problem.

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  23. i love the dodgers, but they’ve been playing like crap lately and yeah, los angeles is a very diverse city and fans will often try to outfan each other and wear ludicrous outfits. Its sad.

  24. So I was at work, and my friend calls me up to tell me he found a blog that was hating on Dodger fans. Right away I knew that it would be a Giants fan who created it. And you know what? I was right!!

    I’m right because I saw the fan sitting there that day. How strange though that he seemed to be very “buddy buddy” with all the dodger fans. Especially me and my friend (yes, thats me and my buddy wearing the blue spikes!) and you certainly dont see any loyalty like that at AT&T Park.

    But anywho, you guys can say what you want about the rest of the fans who’s pictures were taken…yeah, they were tacky as hell…i cant speak for the rest of them….but me and my boy, I dont think so!

    Feel free to send me a message if you want….I’ll be looking forward to it speaking with you.


    P.S. I’m the guy on the right

  25. I’ve been a Dodger fan my entire life, and there is no doubt that something needs to be done before we, the Dodger nation, become the laughing stock of major league baseball.

    1. Stay till the 9th inning you fair weather bastards!

    2. Follow the team (i.e. read) before you start spouting b.s. like the team has been playing like crap lately.

    3. Most importantly (because I don’t ever want to hear “Dodgers are the best, fuck the rest”) bring a football team back to L.A. PLEASE!!! We need to rid Dodger stadium of the goons who miss the Raiders.

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  27. well as a true blue dodger fan all i have to say is that its your own fault for being cheap and buying a ten dollar ticket in the pavillion…everybody knows that the rowdiest dodger fans sit in the pavillion…so next time dont be so cheap and spend about 20 to 30 dollars more and you might enjoy yourself better…and watch the game and dont try to lookl to critisize the people that bleed DODGER BLUE!!!

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