Well tomorrow’s the big day. If you’re like me, you’ve already made a t-shirt, bought plenty of pudding, and cannot wait for 8 p.m. to get here so you can finally watch what you’ve waited months for: the American premiere of Ghost Cat on Animal Planet.
I kid! I kid! Unless you fell down a well, have been kidnapped and bound by Kathy Bates or are my mother, you know that on Saturday David Beckham
will won’t will make his MLS debut. But he won’t be starting and his playing time may be minimal, so you can enjoy the synchronicity that comes from knowing that you and Becks are watching the same game at the same time! Stars are just like us! Except he’d probably be less likely to skip his Rooms-to-Go payment this month.
So here’s your wrap of all-things Golden Balls…
He’s thrilled that the Spice Girls have planned a reunion tour but they’re not welcome to crash at his house. Well no shit. Turn your back for a second, and Sporty has zig-a-zig-ah’ed all over the upholstery.
This article is five years old but is one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever read, and that includes some of Rosie O’Donnell’s haiku.
If you’re looking for a tasteful gift for the #23 fan in your life, I suggest eBay, where approximately 690 different Beckham-themed items are listed, including:
- An aluminum cigarette case, because athletes and emphysema go together like kids and cigarettes.
- A pillowcase that can be personalized with your name! Or the names of the men who rejected you when they learned you had a David Beckham pillowcase. No, I don’t have one. My stuffed dinosaur didn’t think it matched our room.
- A tasteful Round Italian Watch, guaranteed to make you the envy of the other Greyhound passengers. Until you fall asleep and someone steals it. Or cuts your arm off.
- This limited edition contemporary painting. And by “contemporary”, they mean “looks nothing like David Beckham. Or anyone recognizable, except maybe Errol Flynn if you squint.”
There are also tons of listings for autographs but I’m not falling for the signed Galaxy jerseys. Beckham’s lived here for a week…I find it hard to believe that he’s already visited seller “scooter03” in Akron. Actually, he could live here until the earth crashes into the sun, and I still wouldn’t believe he’d gone to Akron.
And finally, I hope that even though he’ll be busy with the Galaxy, David Beckham will still find the time to voice the Geico lizard.
We love America! We can has green cards?
Lemme know how the game is. Ghost Cat looks too damn good.