I’ll give everybody the gist right from the top: The National League wins the All-Star Hottie game by a nose. Or a well-developed forearm. According to the profoundly accurate scientific formula of Andrea Thinks You Are or Are Not Cute, the NL has 21 Hotties and the AL has 20. Congratulations, NL! Will they win the actual All-Star game? Probably not. The American League has been handily kicking the NL’s ass for the last few years. Nine years, to be exact. 2002 was a 7-7 tie when the game was called and I’m sure that was the NL’s year, but we’ll never know. The last time the NL won, John Smoltz was the starting pitcher. He’s an All-Star again this year, so maybe he’ll bring the NL some good luck.
Come join me after the jump for the Hotties who got bids to the All-Star Fraternity and the candidates for the Final Vote…..
Update: I could not resist adding a little Astros love at the bottom. What a starting duo…
Kicking it off with the American League starters, it appears that the Detroit Tigers are heartily represented. They have 3 starters and all are Hotties with a capital “ROWR!” Magglio Ordonez is patrolling the outfield, Placido Polanco is taking 2nd base and Ivan Rodriguez is behind the plate.
Awww, Pudge and Maggs together. So cute!
The Team That Shall Not Be Named is covering the left side of the infield for the, oh, 49th year in a row with Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter. And you know what? I think they are both good-looking men, so here they are:
There’s a joke here to be made here about a double play….
Rounding out the starters are the Angels’ Vlad Guerrero, Seattle’s Ichiro and Boston’s Big Papi. Moving on to the pitchers, we have a myriad of Hotties takin’ the mound. We’ve got Texas Gal’s own Josh Beckett and Jon Papelbon from Boston:
Woo woo. I’d catch for them.
Catch their smoochies!
We have some of my personal favorites in Oakland’s Dan Haren, KC’s Gil Meche and Minnesota’s Johan Santana.
We like them all.
Also joining the bullpen are John Lackey, Bobby Jenks, JJ Putz, Francisco Rodriguez, CC Sabathia and Mr. No-No Himself, Justin Verlander:
Do you need to be warmed up, Justin?
The rest of the American League team includes: Victor Martinez, Jorge “Fievel” Posada, Justin Morneau, Carlos Guillen, Michael Young, Mike Lowell, Carl Crawford, Torii “Look Out for that Wall” Hunter, Manny “Jammies” Ramirez, Alex Rios and my personal favorites Brian Roberts and Grady Sizemore.
See, he likes to play in the dirt! …..and this one: Great Ass.
Turning to the National League starters, the New York Metropolitans did quite well for themselves, with 3 starters: Jose Reyes and David Wright are covering the left side of the infield and Carlos Beltran is prowling around in center. (I really think in a battle for Left Side of the Infield Hotness Supremacy, Reyes and Wright kick A-Rod and Jeter’s ass. Let’s fill a pool with JELL-O and find out.)
Goodness. I don’t even have a good caption.
I’m too busy cleaning the drool off my keyboard.
Rounding out the starters, we have two creaky old men patrolling the outfield and trying not to break a hip in Ken Griffey Jr. and Barry Bonds. Russell Martin is behind the plate, Prince Fielder is on first and Hottie Chase Utley is handling second.
He can chase me……
The NL pitching staff that will be assigned the arduous task of putting up with Warlock LaRussa’s crazy substitutions includes Hotties Jake Peavy and Ben Sheets:
I’m shy and sensitive………….I’m scruffy and dangerous.
The rest of the rotation includes Francisco Cordero, Brian Fuentes, Cole Hamels, Trevor Hoffman, Brad Penny, Takashi Saito, John Smoltz, Jose Valverde and Billy Wagner. Coming in off the bench for the long ball are Best Rivalry in Baseball Hotties Derrek Lee and Albert Pujols.
What a great picture. So intense. Mmmm mmmm.
Completing the NL dugout are Dmitri Young, Orlando Hudson, JJ Hardy, Miguel Cabrera, Matt Holliday, Carlos Lee, Aaron Rowand, Alfonso Soriano, and my personal favorites Brian McCann and Freddy Sanchez.
It’s obvious he belongs on LaRussa’s team……….I love the glee on Freddy’s face.
Finally, a special shout-out to the fine players who are poppin’ their All-Star Game cherries. The AL has two first-timers in Placido Polanco and Justin Morneau.
That’s right, spray some champagne!
You’re both going to your first All-Star game!
The NL has a whopping eight first-timers, including Orlando Hudson, Jose Valverde, Prince Fielder, JJ Hardy, Russell Martin, Takashi Saito and Clare’s Boyfriends Aaron Rowand and Cole Hamels. Congrats to all the All-Stars, old and new.
I think that pic of Rowand is incredibly sexy. I need help.
It’s double sexy when you see the catch that caused it.
Also, isn’t Hamels adorable?
Finally, there is the annual Final Vote. This year, the American League candidates are Jeremy Bonderman, Kelvim Escobar, Roy Hallday, Pat Neshek and Hideki Okajjima. Based on the other scientific formula of Vote for the Cutest, I’m throwing my endorsement to Pat Neshek, a reliever for the Minnesota Twins that I hadn’t even heard of until the All-Star teams were announced. Where has this fella been all my life? Plus, this season he’s pitched 39.1 innings, has an era of 1.37 and has recorded 47 Ks. Good for you, Pat!
He’s the one in the middle. Woo woo.
The National League candidates are Tom Gorzelanny, Roy Oswalt, Brandon Webb, Chris Young and Carlos Zambrano. This one was a lot easier for me to decide because I’ve always been inexplicably, ridiculously attracted to Roy Oswalt. He’s all tall and lanky and kinda gritty-lookin’. Dirrty. Rowr.
I cannot explain it, but I want to run away with Roy Oswalt.
Update: Due to being home today and surfing the net, I found this side-by-side pic:
There you have it Ladies and gentlemen, your 2007 All Star Teams. Go vote so that we have Pat and Roy to look at on July 10th too! And finally:
You’ll always be my All Star, Scott Rolen.