Requiem For A Catcher

We are gathered here today to pay respects to a fallen traded Cubbie. A guy who knew how to catch a ball (most of the time), and call a game (most of the time) and throw a punch (most of the time). It didn’t matter if the guy that needed punching was in White Sox black or Cub blue, his fists did not discriminate. A guy who went from being the face of the Cubs organization in cheesy McDonald’s commercials, to being sidelined in the dugout, all in the space of one month. We’re also here to honor his hot bod- all 6’3″, 210 pounds of it, including his great ass. Let’s not forget that lovely Georgia drawl, or those beautiful blue eyes. We certainly won’t forget that Irish temperament.

Michael Patrick Barrett, or “Mikey B” to those of us who crushed on him in the Friendly Confines, we will miss you dearly here in Chicago. At least we know, in our sorrow, that you will soon be reunited on the other side with your maker Greg Maddux (just please don’t let this trade turn out like the career-killing Todd Walker trade to the Pads).

In honor of Mikey B’s passing to the Pads, I’ve set up a picture memorial for him after the jump. Please feel free to leave your own respects in the comment book.

EDIT: He’s already been assimilated!


This entry was posted in Chicago Cubs, MLB, requiem, Texas Gal by Texas Gal. Bookmark the permalink.

About Texas Gal

Pitched four years for the Philadelphia Athletics, and then played shortstop for seven years for the Montreal Expos. Taught Rickey Henderson to steal a base. Taught Nolan Ryan to throw a punch. Taught Mickey Mantle to drink a beer. Threw one seven-hitter and seven no-hitters. Wonderboy was my creation, and first Jobu shrine was in my locker. Often called "the next Dustin Pedroia". Always wear high socks and eyeblack. Prefer to slide headfirst.

43 thoughts on “Requiem For A Catcher

  1. It’s too bad. Now my Cubs fan husband will have to live with a catcher who surely can’t hit as well as MB, and I will have to live with watching Cubs games diminished in hotness.

  2. I know, bristlesage. Koyie Hill is OK looking, don’t get me wrong, but he’s no Mikey B. If only Mike could have been traded to the PHILLIES, my world would have been perfect.

  3. I feel your pain, Texy. We lost Mike Matheny to the Giants a couple years ago and I lurved him.

    You can still admire him from afar, but it isn’t the same. Do you need a hug?

  4. Texas Gal – if you have nothing to wear I’d be more than happy to take that ticket off your hands for you. Or you could just borrow my Derek Lee shirt.

    Man, even as a Twins faithful (sorry Metschick!) that last pic is cause for a major hetero-man crush on MB. Best fight since the Thrilla in Manila.

  5. Don’t feel too bad for Barrett. He stands a better chance of going to the post-season now.

    That last picture is just so beautiful. Anyone would inspire a man-crush in me by popping A.J. Pierzynski right in his smart-ass mug.

  6. Sigh. I’ll have to wear my Theriot shirt. I just wanted to wear the Barrett shirt because it pisses the SouthSiders off so much. NO WAY I’m giving up my ticket, this may be my last Crosstown Series for awhile.

    That last pic is my favorite ever taken of Mikey. That’s the moment when my adoration went to full-out lust. How could I not get hot looking at that?

  7. A friend who saw my own lamentations sent me over here. It’s comforting to know someone else shares my pain – I haven’t felt this way since they traded Buckner on me!

  8. I am brokenhearted about this. San Diego will not appreciate him, darnit! Who do I turn to now? I agree that Theriot is cute, and Pie has an AMAZING ass, and my love for Derrek Lee and Matt Murton knows no bounds, BUT, Michael was my #1 man. Sigh.

  9. Theriot and DeRosa are hot, Soriano has a killer bod, DLee is very handsome, and Ted Lilly is gorgeous. But if Mikey B is more your type, may I suggest taking a look at rookie Mike Fontenot? He looks a lot like Barrett, but substitute in a Cajun accent for a Georgia one.

    And thanks, J! I’m making a day out of it- starting at Jimbo’s.

  10. Texas Gal, you can be damn sure I would have bumped Jason Kendall’s suckiness somewhere to make room for MB. Kurt Suzuki has a cuteness, at least.

    Have a good time at the game on Friday. My husband and I live just over a mile from the field, which means we’re right on the edge of the “WOOOOOOO!” zone. Thankfully, we ride the brown line.

  11. Also, did that last comment make any sense? Woo, sorry about that.

    You can add the sentence, “This makes me feel a little better about the A’s lack of Barrett.” at the end of the first paragraph. And you can add this clause at the end for a little help, “…rather than the red, which is where the real ‘WOOOOOOO!’ happens.”

  12. Yeah- I live right next to Wrigley Field, so Addison is my stop. And that red line ride to and from the Cell for games can be brutal in Cubs gear. I just have to start drinking *before* getting on the train- that usually helps out a little.

  13. Trader Todd’s? Please don’t say anyone who is smart enough to read this blog is drinking at Trader Todd’s. Sheffield’s definitely. Trader Todd’s? Come on now.

    And Texy, thanks for the suggestions. Fontenot did pique my interest when watching the game last night.

  14. I’m coming up to Chicago on July 5th to see the Police in Wrigley. Since the Cubs are making way to the police, my friends have suggested we go to the Cell instead.

    How afraid should I be?

  15. chitowntiger – you’re right, what the hell was I thinking? It’s listed only as a last resort, for those times when you need to be 40 feet closer to the tracks and don’t mind the auditory sado-masochism. If I’m in the mood for decidedly non-masculine adventures in imbibing, I’m heading to Caesar’s on Broadway.

    More than once I’ve had a perfectly nice meal at Leona’s ruined by pure 80’s hits piping out of there. I actually did have a good time there once, but that particular evening 8 shots of Patron seemed like a good idea and “Weekend at Bernie’s” was hysterical.

  16. Extra P., I’ve never had trouble there in my A’s jerseys, seriously. A little bit of, “Hey, we beat you!” or “Aw, man, Crosby sure did get lucky tonight” kind of stuff, but I’ve never been afraid. But like I said, I don’t go for Cubs/Sox games since I’m not a Cubs or Sox fan.

  17. While I will miss the hottness and will always love ANYONE that sucker punches AJ EVER in the history of the world, I will not miss the batshit craziness that is Michael Barrett.

    GO CUBS!

  18. Extra P., I’ll second that. I’d be more comfortable wearing a Cubs jersey there than wearing a Sox jersey up north. The cross-town series are another story, but so long as you’re not wearing an MB jersey and carrying a flaming AJ effigy, you’ll be fine.

  19. I just realized I agreed to go and I don’t even know who they’re playing. I just wanted to see a ballgame with my friends again.

    Of course, we all went to Royals games together back in our KU days, so that would probably elicit only sympathetic tears, or a William Ligue beatdown or two.

  20. I’m a Cubs fan (clearly), and I go to games at the Cell all the time. It’s no Wrigley (what is?), but I have ALWAYS had a blast there, both before, during and after the games. Next to Wrigley and Fenway, the Cell may be one of my favorite places to watch a game. The Bullpen Bar (which serves a full range of hard liquor) alone may be reason to go.

  21. Oh, and I’ve been to the Cell for Crosstown games on multiple occasions (including the Barrett punch game, and while wearing my Barrett shirt!), and I’m still alive to tell the tale.

  22. Oh, ha ha on me. I’m flying halfway across the country to see the fucking Baltimore Orioles. I could just as easily drive 2 1/2 hours and see them here.

    But that’s not the point of the trip.

  23. It’s a sad, sad day here. Requiem is exactly right. Patrick was my reason for actually watching the Cubs. Otherwise I just ask my husband, “Did the Cubbies win today?” Guess I’ll go back to that and watch the Pads instead.

    Still wearing my Barrett t-shirt to the ballpark next month to see them kick Barry Zito around. Which will be a little harder to take now that the hotness has been removed.

    Thanks for the post and love the pictures, by the way. Haven’t seen the ones with the longer hair.

  24. The Cell is just fine. Not a whole lot of pre or post game options, but just drink plenty at the game. And I’ve gone there with Cubs stuff on and its never been a problem. Actually, I used to live in Wrigleyville, and many of my friends still do, and I’ve been harassed more there than near the Cell. (But shhhh, don’t tell any Sox fans!) But when you are on the North Side, I strongly recommend Hot Dougs ( and Sheffield’s for your postconcert drinking.

    J. Fizzle-phew. I feel much better about you now! :)

  25. Hot Dougs is pretty awesome. But Sheffield’s actually serves food now (BBQ), so I don’t know if you’d want to bother going all the way down to Hot Dougs if you also intend on drinking.

    I missed a summer event with work today at the Sox game plus postgame drinking at First Base (one of the few bars down there) — work always gets in the way of fun. I know the Deadspin Pants Party crew had good things to say about Schallers, especially its prices. And of course, you have to go to Jimbo’s while it still exists. If you hang around after the game there for a fair amount of time, you could catch some of the players in there from time to time. I know McCarthy, Anderson, and Jenks were all in there at some time or another last year, and I imagine others were too.

  26. Raskolnikov…I have it on pretty good authority that George’s Clam doesn’t go out to bars much.

    Looks aside, I’ll take A.J. and his big polish forehead over Barrett any day of the week. He is not much to look at, but a much better player.

    If moving Barrett is a precursor to acquiring Jarrod Saltalamacchia, then I am all for it.

  27. There is possibly only one player in all of MLB I hate more than AJ (A-Rod), and maybe not even more. They might just be equal on my scale of hate.

    AJ can suck it. He deserved the punch, and more.

    Saltalamacchia, on the other hand- YES PLEASE.

  28. Well, I love both A-Rod and A.J., so I guess we can just agree to disagree.

    I have a buddy who is a Braves fan. I asked what they would want for Salty and he said either a CF or starter. I tried Shawn Marshall, but he insisted on Rich Hill. While I like Hill, despite his recent slide, I would probably make that trade.

  29. Mikey was a cute white boy. Still no match for that huge Zambrano. I did not know that Big Z was somuch bigger than little Mikey. I wonder if Mikey’s wife will stay with Zambrano since he took Mikey’s manhood form him. Still I will kepp watching my All American hottie Mikey Barrett. I loved him when he was with the Expos, the cubs and now the Padres. He may be a wimpy white boy when it comes to fighting, but he still looks good in a baseball uni!

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