Hottie Guide: U.S. Open 2007 (I Was There…)

Beyond this entrance gate, much hotness can be found…

I’ve got your viewer’s guide to all the hotties playing the links this weekend at the U.S. Open at Oakmont outside lovely and scenic (really!) Pittsburgh, PA. And thank you USGA and Oakmont for letting spectators take cameras onto the course, at least for the practice rounds, because I’ve also got pictures.

Can those cute dimples carry Zach to an Open victory?

Take a gander at all the guys to watch for after the jump…

The opponent:

And the top five hottest gladiators stepping into the ring, err, onto the links:

#5 – Justin

Justin is my golf boyfriend- he’s a Longhorn! and hot! – so, of course, he had to make the list. The chances of seeing him atop the Leaderboard are slim- but we can enjoy the scenery anyway.

#4 – Eric

Eric was the mystery hottie- the guy who jumped onto our radar when he played through with Garcia, Villegas and Olazábal on Monday (and you gotta be pretty good looking to stand out in that crowd)… and then solidified his place in the Top 5 with his gorgeous butt clad in these great turquoise pants on Wednesday. He is stacked in all the right places.

#3 – Zach

He looks like Joaquin Phoenix, except with a dimpled bashful smile instead of a slightly creepy leer. He also is one of the sharpest dressers, and has shoulders to die for. Mega bonus points to him for not punching Vijay Singh in the face when Vijay decided to insert himself unannounced into Zach’s pairing group on Monday.

#2 – Sergio

The sexy Spaniard rocks a pair of grey pants like no other, and he’s all muscular and broad- plus he had SCRUFF, y’all. Add in the pensive thumb bite that he’s prone to do while setting up his shot, and you’ve got near perfection. Plus, he stopped and signed autographs for every kid that asked. Awwww!

#1 – Adam

Could it be anyone other than Adam? Too cool to be confined by rules like “play through with your pairing group”, Adam randomly wandered up with his caddie on the 18th green near me to shoot around at the pin. I did not object. When you’re that hot, you can pretty much get away with anything.

Other notable superlatives:

The Total Package – Tiger Woods

Skills. Smile. Smarts. Simoleons. Tiger has it all.

Best Butt – Scott Verplank

He’s an Okie, so for me to give him this award, you know his butt had to be OUTSTANDING. We wanted to call him “Smurfy Butt”- but that sort of took away from the sexiness. So we settled on calling him “Blue Butt” – which is so much better. I did not tell him about his nickname.

Cutest Smile – Ernie Els

Come on now, that’s sweet.

Hottest Fashion Accessory – Phil Mickelson

All the cool kids are wearing wrist braces.

Best Dressed (Pittsburgh Colors!) – Luke Donald

The yellow-on-yellow striped shirt was a winner, no matter what my friend Kat says. Yellow is only for the bold- and judging by Luke’s sly grin here, he’s got bold down to an art form.

Worst Dressed And Yet Still Hot – Nick Dougherty

Maybe practicing in these hideous salmon pants brought him luck, because Nick currently sits atop the Leaderboard. Points to him for the great belt and hair… but SALMON? Come on, Nicky.

Sexiest Accent – Padraig Harrington

Sitting on the box at 12 and listening to Padraig and his caddy talk in those Irish accents? Heaven. Even better, he played through with a certain sexy Englishman, so it was hot accents all around. Speaking of which, Paul Casey deserves an award for “Best Use Of A Prop”:

Refreshing and delicious!

Biggest Homer – Chris DiMarco

I think he’s a Gator fan. Let’s examine the evidence:

Good luck at Oakmont, hotties… and god speed!