Two Homers Discuss…: Phillies at Mets, 6/7/07

As you’ve probably guessed by now, Ladies… Texas Gal and Clare are quite the Phillies Phans. Unfortunately, they’re separated by 750 miles and a change of time zones. How do they remedy this problem? For what we hope will be the first in a series of Two Homers Discuss… pieces, they fire up their IM programs of choice, chat away and save the results FOR YR LOLZ AND ENJOYMENTZ.

Texas Gal: I’M TIRED OF THESE MOTHER HUBBARD METS IN THIS MOTHER HUBBARD DIVISION
Clare: HI TEX IT’S CL
Clare: CLARE
Texas Gal: WHY DON’T THEY GROW THE FUDGE UP
Texas Gal: PARDON MY FRENCH
Clare: /CHORTLE
Texas Gal: THIS IS WH
Texas Gal: THIS IS WH
Texas Gal: THIS IS WHY I’M HOT

Clare: are you having trouble with your wi-fi?
Texas Gal: no
Texas Gal: por que?
Clare: it keeps telling me you’re offline
Clare: are you just hidden?
Texas Gal: oh- i’m probably hidden
Clare: sneaky
Texas Gal: there’s one person i’m trying to avoid
Clare: oh
Clare: anyone i know?
Texas Gal: nope- person i know from college
Texas Gal: I meant “Aaron Rowand’s wife”
Clare: naughty naughty!
Texas Gal: sigh. I wish.
Clare: speaking of naughty behavior
Texas Gal: YES
Clare: did you see that On The DL entry about a young NL pitcher who just got married and parties hard
Texas Gal: yeah- and broke his hand in a fight?
Texas Gal: totally Cole
Clare: yeah i know
Clare: the “gets high as a kite” part of the entry was intriguing
Texas Gal: I learn all kinds of great things from that place

Clare: yo! can you hear the tool yelling about ice cream on the mlb.tv feed??
Texas Gal: Hell yes
Texas Gal: last night, you could hear random people screaming
Clare: god, shut up!
Texas Gal: it’s not coo
Texas Gal: cool even
Clare: not at all
Clare: THOME
Texas Gal: I totally THOME’d that

Texas Gal: NO – Cole is not like Easy Rider, cheeses
Clare: wait, i have a different feed than you do
Texas Gal: yeah – I’ve got SNY
Clare: what did the SNY people just say?
Texas Gal: they said, “Doesn’t he remind you of a young Peter Fonda in Easy Rider with that hair?”
Texas Gal: which is funny
Texas Gal: coming after the kite quote
Clare: true, true
Texas Gal: they’re telling the bar fight story!
Clare: i was just saying (to no one in particular because i’m alone in my house) that cole does need a haircut because it’s looking kind of prince valiant-y
Texas Gal: Little Lord Fauntleroy
Clare: BWA!!!
Texas Gal: although, when I saw him in Miami, it looked good
Texas Gal: it was wet, and all shoved back
Texas Gal: still, it would look 10x better shorter
Clare: ehhh, i don’t agree
Clare: i want it shorter in the back but still long in front
Clare: i will provide evidence
Clare: hold please
Texas Gal: I like it like this
Texas Gal:
Clare: oh, i don’t like that
Texas Gal: or this
Texas Gal:
Clare: the second one is ok
Texas Gal: even this
Texas Gal:
Clare: the third, well…
Clare: he looks like an emu in the first one
Texas Gal: AWWWWW – he was just having a bad hair day
Texas Gal: I don’t like long hair on dudes
Clare: i’m not terribly picky [Editor’s note: BWAHAHAAAAHAHA]
Clare: basically if you want to make out with me your hair is fine
Clare:
Texas Gal: that looks like #2
Texas Gal: of mine
Clare: yes, but the bangs are down in front
Clare: OOOOH NO HIT NUNEZ GETS A STEAL
Texas Gal: Cole at the plate
Texas Gal: I’m delayed from you
Clare: Mmm, bend over again D-Wright
Clare: cole turns the lineup over…is there nothing he can’t do?
Clare: he’s probably a good cook
Texas Gal: he probably puts the seat down
Texas Gal: and lets you pick the movie
Texas Gal: and restaurant
Clare: and always makes sure you get off first
Clare: what a guy
Texas Gal: except for his one fatal flaw
Clare: superman has kryptonite
Texas Gal: it is peanut butter flavored

Jimmy Rollins gets an RBI single in the top of the third.

Clare: j-roll is silencing shea in a big way this week
Texas Gal: I KNOW
Texas Gal: it’s glorious
Clare: j-roll is single
Clare: so is ry ho
Texas Gal: and has a great butt
Clare: we could work with that i guess
Texas Gal: I randomly talked to RyHo on the phone this year at spring training
Clare: WHAAAAAT
Clare: EXPLAIN
Texas Gal: weird story
Texas Gal: two nights in a row we ran into Frank Thomas and his crew at the bar
Texas Gal: second night, one of his crew was talking to me
Texas Gal: said he played for the Jays
Texas Gal: I didn’t believe him
Texas Gal: he made Frank tell me
Texas Gal: still didn’t believe him
Texas Gal: he pulled out his phone and called Ryan
Texas Gal: told Ryan to tell me
Texas Gal: I got on the phone and told Ryan I didn’t believe it was him
Texas Gal: Ryan proceeded to tell me all kinds of random things from that night’s Philly game
Texas Gal: IT WAS HIM
Texas Gal: I felt silly after that
Texas Gal: I made Ryan justify his existence to me
Texas Gal: oops

Texas Gal and Clare ponder mortality.

Clare: i didn’t believe justin strzelczyk was a steeler
Clare: and now he’s dead
Clare: i feel badly about that
Texas Gal: HAH
Texas Gal: and
Texas Gal: BOO
Texas Gal: you can’t make me laugh at something like that
Texas Gal: because that was NOT where I thought you were going with that
Clare: oh no, it’s true
Texas Gal: story tiem
Texas Gal: time eve
Texas Gal: n
Texas Gal: THOME
Clare: THOME
Clare: hold please i will send you a link
Clare: http://formed-a-blog.blogspot.com/2006/10/justin-strzelczyk-burritos-and-me.html
Texas Gal: HOLY COW
Clare: yeah, it was crazy
Clare: and entirely true
Texas Gal: aren’t you glad you shared your burrito?
Texas Gal: ALSO
Texas Gal: that’s like a goose walking over your grave
Texas Gal: you know?
Clare: no, explain
Texas Gal: it’s those random brushes with death that are the hardest to get over
Clare: oh i see
Texas Gal: that person who you’re not close to, but you see shortly before they pass
Texas Gal: and you’re like… I just talked to them!
Clare: yeah, when i saw that segment on inside the NFL it was like a lightbulb went on over my head
Clare: it had been more than a year since that had happened, but it was so strange i remember that conversation really vividly
Texas Gal: that’s kind of sad
Texas Gal: sounds like he was really lonely
Clare: it’s totally sad!
Clare: he was
Texas Gal: reminds me of the Cardinals kid
Texas Gal: drinking alone and stuff
Clare: i have to admit i was kind of cunty toward him at first
Texas Gal: well, I would have been too
Clare: i was like, “who is this guy bothering me while i’m trying to eat my dinner?”
Texas Gal: mostly because boys make shit up about being ballplayers all the time

Comcast Sports Net shows a list of the Phils’ 2007 draft picks. One of them is a left fielder.

Clare: oh noes!!
Clare: the phils drafted a LF today!
Texas Gal: WHAT
Texas Gal: I pay attention to the draft like I pay attention to the Rockies
Clare: they drafted him fifth
Clare: but still
Clare: not good for your boy
Texas Gal: more ominous is that Pat keeps dropping in the lineup
Clare: that’s true

Chooch Ruiz gets on base in the top of the seventh and brings Cole to the plate.

Clare: base hit choooooooch!
Texas Gal: Cole time
Clare: god, i just want to bite him
Texas Gal: that’s how I feel about Aaron
Clare: he IS meaty and delicious
Clare: my friend Anne did not get “bacon pants”
Texas Gal: Bacon Pants is difficult to explain
Texas Gal: you either get it or not
Clare: she doesn’t share the love we have for him
Clare: she doesn’t like his facial hair scheme
Texas Gal: yeah, the facial hair normally would bug
Texas Gal: but on him
Texas Gal: doesn’t at all

Here, we go on a long tangent about where to sit at Citizens Bank Park to maximize your potential for Phillie-ogling.

Clare: they are showing a shot of pat and cholly and they look so cute together leaning over the dugout rail
Texas Gal: I’ve got Shawn Green up in the booth talking
Clare: ooh, hiiii chutley
Clare: OH! last night the bartender told me a chutley story
Texas Gal: do tell
Clare: she said she was out with her boyfriend (i forget where, i’m sorry) and chutley and the bat were wherever they were
Clare: and chutley had a spit cup
Texas Gal: YUCK
Clare: which he placed on the girl and her bf’s table!
Clare: she said she was like, “you’re gonna get rid of that, RIGHT?”
Texas Gal: hee!!
Clare: otherwise he was a cool dude
Texas Gal: here’s mine- well not mine, but that i heard
Clare: spill
Texas Gal: know someone who works in the Phils’ front office
Texas Gal: he and his fiance went out with Chase one night after a game
Texas Gal: his fiance called a girl friend to go with them, so Chase wouldn’t be third wheel
Texas Gal: this was before he was married, but it wasn’t a date- just group thing
Texas Gal: so the girl friend shows up, and meets Chase
Texas Gal: and has no idea who he is
Texas Gal: so she asks him, “How do you know [the guy I know]?”
Texas Gal: and Chase DOESN’T say, “I’m the all-star second baseman for the Phillies”
Texas Gal: he just says, “Oh, I work with him”/Clare: “oh, we work together” [Ed. note: We said this simultaneously]
Clare: what a guy
Texas Gal: and later, she says “That guy sure was cute! You should get his number, so I can call him”
Texas Gal: YEAH
Texas Gal: he’s “cute” all right
Texas Gal: so, Chase? He’s cool as shit in my book.
Clare: ah, girls are stupid
Clare: that’s such a good story
Texas Gal: really made me love him
Texas Gal: so humble
Texas Gal: Pat would have been “UHHHHH, I PLAY LEFT FIELD”
Clare: yeah, really
Texas Gal: and then reached over and grabbed her boob
Clare: HAHAHAHAHA
Clare: remember that story i told you about how chutley signed that t-shirt for my co-worker
Texas Gal: yes!
Clare: i found out what the exact quote was
Clare: the girl said she loved chutley so much she’d let him shit on her chest
Clare: so he signed, “dear kelly, i’ll call you the next time i go to taco bell, love, chase utley”
Texas Gal: HAHAHAHAHAH
Texas Gal: HAHAHAHAH
Texas Gal: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Texas Gal: that’s awesome
Texas Gal: burrito lovin
Clare: nice to know he has a sense of humor
Texas Gal: I’m sure he cheats, too
Texas Gal: [sigh]
Clare: so we have a chance!
Clare: buck up lil’ camper!
Texas Gal: we can be the side piece!

Clare: OH my derrick turnbow bobble head came today!
Clare: i love it
Clare: it has real hair sticking out from under the cap
Texas Gal: that’s a little creepy
Texas Gal: is it human hair?
Texas Gal: did they take hair off his head?
Clare: ha ha, no, it’s fake hair
Clare: it’s like wig hair

In the sixth, Delgado homers to left center to make it 2-1. Uh oh.

Texas Gal: AW FRIG
Texas Gal: MOTHER HUBBARD METS
Clare: SONOFABITCH
Clare: carlos delgado, you suck!

After Delgado’s homer, Carlos Ruiz goes to the mound to talk Cole down from the ledge. And then David Wright…well. You’ll see.

Clare: chooch ruiz is half catcher half psychiatrist
Texas Gal: how does chooch concentrate when dwright is in the box, and cole is staring down at him?
Texas Gal: this is why girls don’t play baseball
Clare: yes, good point

Texas Gal: FRIG
Clare: OH SHIT
Texas Gal: DWRIGHT
Texas Gal: FRIGFRIGFRIG
Clare: no, it’s not a homer
Texas Gal: Burrell had to back up Turnpike
Clare: it hit within like eight inches of the top of the wall
Clare: but it is not a homer
Clare: *crosses fingers*
Texas Gal: IT WAS NOT OFF THE YELLOW
Clare: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH FUUUUUUCK
Texas Gal: it hit the verizon sign, not the yellow sign
Clare: CHOLLY GO BACK IN THE DUGOUT
Texas Gal: that was NOT a hr
Clare: here, this is more amusing
Clare: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htQ4gJSQrmg
Texas Gal: this chase clip is genius
Texas Gal: good lord, he is beautiful
Clare: isn’t it cute?
Texas Gal: He’s just lovely.

Texas Gal: Cholly needs to let it go
Texas Gal: he’s gonna get tossed
Texas Gal: and there we go
Clare: you’re not going to get this overturned, cholly
Clare: so just let it go
Texas Gal: The umps can
Texas Gal: ‘t
Texas Gal: THOME
Texas Gal: use the instant replay on the jumbotron to overturn
Clare: ‘bye, cholly
Texas Gal: if they say they didn’t use the jumbotron, they’re lying
Texas Gal: he just can’t let it go
Clare: it hits the wall!
Clare: it hits like six inches from the top of the wall, but it hits the wall!

For some reason, the Comcast Sports Net feed lingers on a shot of Greg Dobbs in the dugout.

Clare: oh hi greg dobbs
Clare: your presence can always soothe me
Texas Gal: yeah- it hit up, then hit the verizon thingie
Texas Gal: i was wrong
Texas Gal: blinded by love

After Delgado’s homer and the contested homer from Wright, Lo Duca launches one into the parking lot.

Clare: OH MY FUCKING GOD [Clare forgets Tex is about 45 seconds behind]
Texas Gal: WHAT
Texas Gal: OH FUCK
Texas Gal: nevermind
Texas Gal: FUCKITYFUCK
Clare: cole.
Clare: come on.
Clare: get your head right.
Clare: do you think they’re going to go to the bullpen?
Clare: i hope not
Texas Gal: depends
Texas Gal: probably yes
Texas Gal: it’s late enough in the game
Clare: well that sucked
Texas Gal: they should give him one more
Texas Gal: the turn of the inning will tell a lot
Texas Gal: if they keep cole in, I think he’ll hang on and calm down
Clare: the Comcast Sports Net guys haven’t said they have anybody up in the bullpen now
Texas Gal: haven’t said that on SNY either
Clare: aha! cole’s going to hit!
Clare: so they’re going to let him stay in
Texas Gal: whew
Clare: two quick strikes, though

Cole goes down swinging.

Clare: aaaaaaaaagggggghhhhhhh
Texas Gal: well shit

Texas Gal: Cole has put on a little weight this season
Texas Gal: like, five pounds
Texas Gal: but he’s filling out a tad
Clare: how can you tell?
Texas Gal: you can see it through his shoulders/chest and thighs.
Texas Gal: he’s hitting the weights a little more, I’d imagine.
Clare: yeah, his shoulders are really broad in the back
Clare: observe
Clare:
Texas Gal: He has a swimmer’s build
Texas Gal: tall
Texas Gal: broad
Texas Gal: thin

Jimy Williams, who’s been managing the Phils since Manuel’s ejection, comes out to argue about Carlos Gomez’ run to first on a wonky bunt; Gomez runs the whole way on the grass.

Clare: oh my god, did jimy williams get bounced too??
Texas Gal: not yet
Texas Gal: i don’t think?
Clare: no, he did not
Texas Gal: they keep replaying the bunt
Texas Gal: 99% of his front foot was outside the box
Clare: on my feed, they showed him running on the grass the whole way
Clare: and cut off the line to 1b
Texas Gal: SNY showed that, too
Texas Gal: they couldn’t decide which jimy was arguing
Texas Gal: the box or the run
Texas Gal: even they’re admitting you’re not allowed to run in the grass
Texas Gal: but saying he didn’t cut off the throw
Clare: freaking carlos gomez
Texas Gal: ZAG warming up in the pen
Clare: i know
Clare: i know

We get into a discussion of Cole’s mechanics.

Texas Gal: Cole’s changeup is gorgeous
Texas Gal: just perfect
Clare: it’s really something
Texas Gal: it only works ’cause his fastball is so devastating
Clare: oh shit, beltran
Clare: oh, i don’t know about that
Clare: the fastball isn’t anything special i don’t think
Clare: it’s the change that’s the special one
Texas Gal: he throws it with awesome accuracy
Texas Gal: in my non specialist opinion
Clare: i don’t know…three of [his fastballs] got rung up in the last inning
Texas Gal: can’t we blame that on chooch?
Clare: ok, well he gets out of a jam in that one
Clare: he’s done
Texas Gal: he does need a haircut something awful
Texas Gal: when it blows in the wind? it’s too long.
Clare: it needs more layers
Clare: it’s too blunt in the back
Texas Gal: maybe he’ll wear it in pigtails
Clare: that’s how i had my hair at the game on saturday
Texas Gal: I really need to rock the pigtails sometime
Texas Gal: or a side pony
Clare: perhaps he’ll go with the bronson arroyo braids
Clare: he should cut it like this
Clare:
Texas Gal: CURIOUS
Texas Gal: that you would want him to look like Rhett
Texas Gal: COINCIDENTAL
Clare: oh, total coincidence [eyeroll]
Clare: but come on!
Clare: so hoooooootttttt

The conversation devolves briefly into a taxonomy of hot dudes.

Texas Gal: layers = a lot of product = not manly
Texas Gal: I like the rough, jock type
Clare: you sound like my friend k-dizzle
Clare: he likes the bears
Texas Gal: I think you and I would be good prowling partners, because we do not go for the same guys
Clare: i would agree
Texas Gal: Aaron Rowand = perfect
Texas Gal: Paul Konerko = perfect
Texas Gal: Jonathan Papelbon = perfect- but instead of rough, fuckin’ hilarious
Texas Gal: Pat Burrell is hot and jock, but too stuck on himself
Clare: example please
Texas Gal: of?
Clare: konerko
Texas Gal: hold for konerko goodies
Texas Gal: if only I could send them in AIM, silly girl
Clare: you could just email me
Texas Gal: you’re smart!
Texas Gal: i have no common sense sometimes… ok all the time
Texas Gal: just sent you an email

Clare: oh, that last one
Clare: adorable
Texas Gal: I KNOW
Texas Gal: double shot
Texas Gal: of grinder goodness
Clare: ba-zing

Pedro Feliciano comes in and walks Chutley.

Clare: COME ON CHUTLEY
Texas Gal: tying run on
Clare: and the big man’s coming to the plate
Clare: OH MY GOD THEY JUST WALKED TWO ON
Clare: COME ON BACON PANTS
Texas Gal: let’s go baby!
Texas Gal: NERVOUSNESS
Texas Gal: WOW
Texas Gal: that pitch was WAY inside
Texas Gal: and shit
Texas Gal: strike out
Clare: fuck fuckety fuck
Texas Gal: strike 2 was a shit call
Texas Gal: they showed it overhead
Texas Gal: it was inside by 6 inches or more
Clare: i know

Yoel Hernandez comes in in the top of the ninth.

Clare: OH GREAT, yoel hernandez
Texas Gal: he’s fabulous
Texas Gal: fabulously awful
Clare: at least he’s ahead on delgado
Texas Gal: maybe if he had an extra finger
Clare: ba-zing

Texas Gal: CHEESE AND CRACKERS
Texas Gal: we almost had another midfield collision
Texas Gal: be careful, Turnpike
Clare: oh, that’s great, grab your neck fat, yoel
Texas Gal: it helps him concentrate

Clare tries to understand David Wright.

Clare: ok, i’ll tell you what makes d-wright cute
Clare: his nose is always red
Clare: like he’s cold
Clare: that’s cute
Clare: you want to cuddle with him
Texas Gal: yeah… “cuddle” him… exactly
Texas Gal: I definitely want to…. “cuddle” him
Clare: cuddle might not be what you want to do first
Clare: cuddle later
Texas Gal: cuddling is far down the list
Clare: i don’t know…i just don’t see it somehow
Texas Gal: oh, god. He’s gorgeous.
Texas Gal: dark dark hair, beautiful eyes, stunning smile, great ass
Clare: david wright is like looking at one of those magic eye pictures for me
Clare: sometimes i get it but most of the time i’m just squinting
Texas Gal: he’s like a perfect model of what a baseball player should be
Texas Gal: almost too perfect
Texas Gal: and don’t forget the millions and millions of dollars
Clare: yes, the mad scrilla helps

Pat Burrell, hero of the day.

Texas Gal: they’re talking about how wagner and pat hate each other
Clare: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA PAAAAAAAAAAT
Texas Gal: PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS STRIKES AGAIN
Texas Gal: Pat, you are the prettiest princess in all the land
Texas Gal: in related news, SUCK IT Wagner

Texas Gal: gratuitous shot of Turnpike in the dugout… sigh.
Clare: aw, dammit
Clare: i thought for sure chooch was in there at first
Texas Gal: Reyes is unfuckingbelievable
Texas Gal: definitely all-star material

Wes Helms comes in to pinch hit for Cole.

Clare: my god, wes helms’ head is fucking huge
Texas Gal: yes, but his ass is a work of art
Texas Gal: he looks like the bastard cousin of Lieber
Clare: kind of
Texas Gal: bastard in-bred cousin of Lieber?

Clare: WOW, that is a large bulge of dip in wagner’s cheek
Texas Gal: yeah- Wagner likes large bulges
Clare: and a large bulge of bulge in his pants
Clare: it’s impressive
Texas Gal: I need to get your feed for the package view
Texas Gal: SNY doesn’t love the ladies

New guy Mike Zagurski and Antonio Alfonseca both get up to warm up for the bottom of the ninth.

Clare: hey your boy fonzie’s up in the pen
Clare: NO WAY
Clare: zagurski is closing
Texas Gal: hide your cookies and lock away your twinkies
Texas Gal: they just called him “John Kruk”
Clare: that’s ok
Clare: i like the kruker too
Clare: gotta rep for the fat dudes
Clare: if i were a baseball player i’d be built like john kruk, so i can’t hate
Texas Gal: but would you wash your hair?
Clare: sure, i’d wash it…with pennzoil
Texas Gal: also, they said some of Zag’s teammates call him “Doughboy”
Texas Gal: and I call shennanigans
Texas Gal: because that’s false
Clare: they call him bronko
Texas Gal: they said that, too
Texas Gal: which is a GREAT nickname
Texas Gal: Bronko is a cute nickname

Texas Gal: Utley and Chooch gotta hug!
Clare: i missed taht
Clare: that, even
Texas Gal: yeah, he walked out to the mound, and put his arm around chooch all cute-like
Texas Gal: the SNY guys were talking about what a leader he is
Clare: oh, he is precious
Clare: with his spit cup
Clare: and taco bell
Texas Gal: hey, he’s willing to share that dip cup and taco bell shits with others, though!
Clare: hey, you should get me that guy’s number! he’s cute!
Texas Gal: Julio Franco?
Clare: (no, chutley’s number)
Texas Gal: DUH
Texas Gal: sometimes i’m slow

Clare: SRSLY though
Clare: i would love to do corporate communications for the phils
Clare: i kind of did it at my old job
Texas Gal: i would love to do the phils, too!
Clare: “corporate communications” = oral
Texas Gal: i am not kidding when I say this:
Texas Gal: LOL
Texas Gal: ROTFL
Clare: my roommate sent me a text message today that i literally laughed out loud at
Clare: she said “i m going to get ff .5 & .5 this aftrnoon”
Clare: instead of half and half
Clare: i howled
Clare: ooh, speaking of, be right back
Texas Gal: that sounds promising… howl and run
Clare: i thought i forgot to put a gallon of milk in the fridge after i got home but i did not
Clare: whew
Texas Gal: good thing you remembered that now!
Clare: yeah, like thee hours later!
Clare: three, even
Clare: THOME
Texas Gal: everytime I say something dumb or mix up my words, I’m going to yell THOME

Yoel Hernandez takes ’em down 1-2-3 in the eighth. Color us surprised.

Texas Gal: he got out of the inning
Clare: i know!
Clare: fonzie time
Texas Gal: don’t mess with the six-fingered man
Texas Gal: unless you’re Inigo Montoya
Clare: oh god, they’re showing a graphic about how the phils are 2-5 in extra innings, and the mets are 3-1
Clare: VOMIT
Texas Gal: as Mr. Met would say
Texas Gal: fucken Mets i swear to god
Clare: i got stitches on my face
Clare: and bitches at my place, ya feel me?
Texas Gal: /pretends to type message to internet girlfriend

Clare: J-Roll on first with no outs!!
Texas Gal: SNY guy just said “Afro-American players”
Clare: wow
Clare: that’s some appropriate language there
Texas Gal: JOSE-JOSEJOSEJOSE-JO-OHSE-JO-OHSE… you’re out
Clare: HAAAA

Chutley gets an RBI double, scoring Jimmy Rollins. In a rare unguarded moment, Chutley allows the camera to pick up a look of satisfaction.

Clare: CHASE UTLEY, YOU ARE THE MAN! /Harry Kalas
Texas Gal: boy, is he ever.
Texas Gal: in so many ways.
Clare: OH SNAP they’re walking ry ho
Clare: hey, have they showed the philly fan with the crazy hats down by the mets dugout?
Clare: the comcast feed loves him
Texas Gal: yes- they had those on early in the game
Texas Gal: they said “If they came here tonight to get on TV, they definitely succeeded”
Clare: they’ve been there for the whole series
Clare: good dudes

Bacon Pants gets an RBI single in the tenth.

Clare: ohhhh bacon pants
Clare: make it happen for mama
Texas Gal: good lord, my love for that man knows no bounds
Texas Gal: SAFE!
Clare: mama loves!!! safe at home!!!
Texas Gal: Ribbie for Rowand!
Clare: now it’s your boy! do it again for tex, pat!
Texas Gal: hey, the Bat delivered earlier.
Texas Gal: I mean, I can never have enough Bat
Texas Gal: I love that he blew the save for Wagner
Clare: revenge is delicious
Clare: tastes like…bacon?
Texas Gal: I want to taste bacon… pants
Clare: HOLY FUCKING FUCK
Clare: PAT!
Texas Gal: THE BAT STRIKES AGAIN
Texas Gal: sweet lord in heaven

Clare: can you hear the people yelling “let’s go phillies (clap clap clapclapclap)” on your feed?
Texas Gal: yup
Texas Gal: and the SNY team is talking about how there are a ton of Phil fans there
Texas Gal: like how Cubs fans take over Miller, Phils fans invaded Shea
Clare: harry kalas just said that people are streaming toward the exits
Clare: so it’s going to be really quiet in the bottom of the inning
Texas Gal: perfect time to yell at a Met that he’s a jackass

Greg Dobbs comes in to pinch hit with the bases loaded.

Clare: OOOOH IT’S DOBBS TIME
Clare: greg, just relax and wait for your pitch
Clare: hell, let this dude walk you in!
Clare: oh crappity crap

Greg strikes out swinging.

Texas Gal: 3 runs scored
Clare: i know
Clare: but i would have loved for greg to jack a grand slam
Clare: that would have been sa-weet
Texas Gal: no kidding
Texas Gal: he’s HOT
Texas Gal: I mean…
Texas Gal: he’s a great player!
Clare: i sent that clip of him being interviewed with no shirt on to my friend anne and she says she might have a new phillie crush
Texas Gal: yum
Texas Gal: my
Texas Gal: yum
Texas Gal: my
Clare: humble like chase, hot like cole
Clare: nice

In the bottom of the tenth, Fonzie comes to the hill.

Texas Gal: Let’s go defense!
Texas Gal: Let’s go Fonzie!
Texas Gal: Zag for the W, Fonzie for the S
Texas Gal: Cole for my pants
Clare: no! pat for your pants, cole for mine
Clare: chutley to share
Texas Gal: you can have Chutley if I get Rowand
Texas Gal: fair deal
Texas Gal: The Bat and Turnpike
Texas Gal: for Coley and Chutley
Clare: can i at least get a nibble of the bacon pants, though?
Texas Gal: if I get a taste of Chutley
Clare: of course
Texas Gal: sold.
Clare: let’s shake hands on it
Texas Gal: Ladies don’t shake hands, Ladies gotta hug!
Clare: i have two california boys
Clare: i knew i should move to LA
Texas Gal: I got… an Arky and a dude from Oregon… WTF?!?
Clare: yeah, but oregon wears pants made of bacon
Texas Gal: Oregon never looked so lovely as in baconpants
Clare: also, tillamook cheddar comes from oregon

Texas Gal: bye bye DWright- thanks for getting out
Clare: hate to see ya leave, love to watch ya walk away, d-wright
Texas Gal: please, just keep walking away, but in slow motion
Clare: then turn around, walk back, lick my face, walk away in slow motion, do it again, bend over
Texas Gal: I’ll have what she’s having

Paul Lo Duca grounds out to third to end the game. Hope he’s got a nice thick helmet, ’cause dude’s getting beaned when the Mets come to Philly on June 29.

Texas Gal: and WHEE Phillies sweep Mets!
Clare: YEAH BOYEE
Texas Gal: The Bat, Chutley, Turnpike, Dobbs (we need a nickname for him), even Coley – smooches all
Texas Gal: (and then three spanks for Coley for the 3 runs)
Clare: oh, i’ll put him over my knee
Texas Gal: he’s too tall for that nonsense
Clare: then he can put me over his
Texas Gal: just have him bend over
Clare: he needs something to brace himself on, ’cause i’m gonna make it hurt.
Texas Gal: don’t injure the poor boy! he’s a special snowflake!
Texas Gal: don’t break him!
Clare: he is a special and unique snowflake, yes

We reflect on three well-earned notches in the W column.

Clare: aw, zags got his first win! how nice
Texas Gal: and 3 S’s for SixFingers
Clare: OK. this win was good. winning is good. but we have to MAINTAIN THIS MOMENTUM
Texas Gal: I would feel better if Cole got the W
Texas Gal: feel like it would help the rotation with confidence
Texas Gal: but good on Zag
Texas Gal: and good to know the offense came through to save the day
Clare: i think it’s a big lift for the bullpen
Clare: i think they have something to take pride in now
Texas Gal: definitely
Clare: three good performances in three games
Texas Gal: and how great if Fonzie turns out to be a solid closer
Clare: i know!
Clare: every time i see him at the game he makes me smile
Clare: i just love that dude
Texas Gal: he looks like a stuffed animal