Two Homers Discuss…: Phillies at Mets, 6/7/07

As you’ve probably guessed by now, Ladies… Texas Gal and Clare are quite the Phillies Phans. Unfortunately, they’re separated by 750 miles and a change of time zones. How do they remedy this problem? For what we hope will be the first in a series of Two Homers Discuss… pieces, they fire up their IM programs of choice, chat away and save the results FOR YR LOLZ AND ENJOYMENTZ.

Texas Gal: I’M TIRED OF THESE MOTHER HUBBARD METS IN THIS MOTHER HUBBARD DIVISION
Clare: HI TEX IT’S CL
Clare: CLARE
Texas Gal: WHY DON’T THEY GROW THE FUDGE UP
Texas Gal: PARDON MY FRENCH
Clare: /CHORTLE
Texas Gal: THIS IS WH
Texas Gal: THIS IS WH
Texas Gal: THIS IS WHY I’M HOT


Clare: are you having trouble with your wi-fi?
Texas Gal: no
Texas Gal: por que?
Clare: it keeps telling me you’re offline
Clare: are you just hidden?
Texas Gal: oh- i’m probably hidden
Clare: sneaky
Texas Gal: there’s one person i’m trying to avoid
Clare: oh
Clare: anyone i know?
Texas Gal: nope- person i know from college
Texas Gal: I meant “Aaron Rowand’s wife”
Clare: naughty naughty!
Texas Gal: sigh. I wish.
Clare: speaking of naughty behavior
Texas Gal: YES
Clare: did you see that On The DL entry about a young NL pitcher who just got married and parties hard
Texas Gal: yeah- and broke his hand in a fight?
Texas Gal: totally Cole
Clare: yeah i know
Clare: the “gets high as a kite” part of the entry was intriguing
Texas Gal: I learn all kinds of great things from that place

Clare
: yo! can you hear the tool yelling about ice cream on the mlb.tv feed??
Texas Gal: Hell yes
Texas Gal: last night, you could hear random people screaming
Clare: god, shut up!
Texas Gal: it’s not coo
Texas Gal: cool even
Clare: not at all
Clare: THOME
Texas Gal: I totally THOME’d that

Texas Gal: NO – Cole is not like Easy Rider, cheeses
Clare: wait, i have a different feed than you do
Texas Gal: yeah – I’ve got SNY
Clare: what did the SNY people just say?
Texas Gal: they said, “Doesn’t he remind you of a young Peter Fonda in Easy Rider with that hair?”
Texas Gal: which is funny
Texas Gal: coming after the kite quote
Clare: true, true
Texas Gal: they’re telling the bar fight story!
Clare: i was just saying (to no one in particular because i’m alone in my house) that cole does need a haircut because it’s looking kind of prince valiant-y
Texas Gal: Little Lord Fauntleroy
Clare: BWA!!!
Texas Gal: although, when I saw him in Miami, it looked good
Texas Gal: it was wet, and all shoved back
Texas Gal: still, it would look 10x better shorter
Clare: ehhh, i don’t agree
Clare: i want it shorter in the back but still long in front
Clare: i will provide evidence
Clare: hold please
Texas Gal: I like it like this
Texas Gal:
Clare: oh, i don’t like that
Texas Gal: or this
Texas Gal:
Clare: the second one is ok
Texas Gal: even this
Texas Gal:
Clare: the third, well…
Clare: he looks like an emu in the first one
Texas Gal: AWWWWW – he was just having a bad hair day
Texas Gal: I don’t like long hair on dudes
Clare: i’m not terribly picky [Editor's note: BWAHAHAAAAHAHA]
Clare: basically if you want to make out with me your hair is fine
Clare:
Texas Gal: that looks like #2
Texas Gal: of mine
Clare: yes, but the bangs are down in front
Clare: OOOOH NO HIT NUNEZ GETS A STEAL
Texas Gal: Cole at the plate
Texas Gal: I’m delayed from you
Clare: Mmm, bend over again D-Wright
Clare: cole turns the lineup over…is there nothing he can’t do?
Clare: he’s probably a good cook
Texas Gal: he probably puts the seat down
Texas Gal: and lets you pick the movie
Texas Gal: and restaurant
Clare: and always makes sure you get off first
Clare: what a guy
Texas Gal: except for his one fatal flaw
Clare: superman has kryptonite
Texas Gal: it is peanut butter flavored

Jimmy Rollins gets an RBI single in the top of the third.

Clare: j-roll is silencing shea in a big way this week
Texas Gal: I KNOW
Texas Gal: it’s glorious
Clare: j-roll is single
Clare: so is ry ho
Texas Gal: and has a great butt
Clare: we could work with that i guess
Texas Gal: I randomly talked to RyHo on the phone this year at spring training
Clare: WHAAAAAT
Clare: EXPLAIN
Texas Gal: weird story
Texas Gal: two nights in a row we ran into Frank Thomas and his crew at the bar
Texas Gal: second night, one of his crew was talking to me
Texas Gal: said he played for the Jays
Texas Gal: I didn’t believe him
Texas Gal: he made Frank tell me
Texas Gal: still didn’t believe him
Texas Gal: he pulled out his phone and called Ryan
Texas Gal: told Ryan to tell me
Texas Gal: I got on the phone and told Ryan I didn’t believe it was him
Texas Gal: Ryan proceeded to tell me all kinds of random things from that night’s Philly game
Texas Gal: IT WAS HIM
Texas Gal: I felt silly after that
Texas Gal: I made Ryan justify his existence to me
Texas Gal: oops

Texas Gal and Clare ponder mortality.

Clare: i didn’t believe justin strzelczyk was a steeler
Clare: and now he’s dead
Clare: i feel badly about that
Texas Gal: HAH
Texas Gal: and
Texas Gal: BOO
Texas Gal: you can’t make me laugh at something like that
Texas Gal: because that was NOT where I thought you were going with that
Clare: oh no, it’s true
Texas Gal: story tiem
Texas Gal: time eve
Texas Gal: n
Texas Gal: THOME
Clare: THOME
Clare: hold please i will send you a link
Clare: http://formed-a-blog.blogspot.com/2006/10/justin-strzelczyk-burritos-and-me.html
Texas Gal: HOLY COW
Clare: yeah, it was crazy
Clare: and entirely true
Texas Gal: aren’t you glad you shared your burrito?
Texas Gal: ALSO
Texas Gal: that’s like a goose walking over your grave
Texas Gal: you know?
Clare: no, explain
Texas Gal: it’s those random brushes with death that are the hardest to get over
Clare: oh i see
Texas Gal: that person who you’re not close to, but you see shortly before they pass
Texas Gal: and you’re like… I just talked to them!
Clare: yeah, when i saw that segment on inside the NFL it was like a lightbulb went on over my head
Clare: it had been more than a year since that had happened, but it was so strange i remember that conversation really vividly
Texas Gal: that’s kind of sad
Texas Gal: sounds like he was really lonely
Clare: it’s totally sad!
Clare: he was
Texas Gal: reminds me of the Cardinals kid
Texas Gal: drinking alone and stuff
Clare: i have to admit i was kind of cunty toward him at first
Texas Gal: well, I would have been too
Clare: i was like, “who is this guy bothering me while i’m trying to eat my dinner?”
Texas Gal: mostly because boys make shit up about being ballplayers all the time

Comcast Sports Net shows a list of the Phils’ 2007 draft picks. One of them is a left fielder.

Clare: oh noes!!
Clare: the phils drafted a LF today!
Texas Gal: WHAT
Texas Gal: I pay attention to the draft like I pay attention to the Rockies
Clare: they drafted him fifth
Clare: but still
Clare: not good for your boy
Texas Gal: more ominous is that Pat keeps dropping in the lineup
Clare: that’s true

Chooch Ruiz gets on base in the top of the seventh and brings Cole to the plate.

Clare: base hit choooooooch!
Texas Gal: Cole time
Clare: god, i just want to bite him
Texas Gal: that’s how I feel about Aaron
Clare: he IS meaty and delicious
Clare: my friend Anne did not get “bacon pants”
Texas Gal: Bacon Pants is difficult to explain
Texas Gal: you either get it or not
Clare: she doesn’t share the love we have for him
Clare: she doesn’t like his facial hair scheme
Texas Gal: yeah, the facial hair normally would bug
Texas Gal: but on him
Texas Gal: doesn’t at all

Here, we go on a long tangent about where to sit at Citizens Bank Park to maximize your potential for Phillie-ogling.

Clare: they are showing a shot of pat and cholly and they look so cute together leaning over the dugout rail
Texas Gal: I’ve got Shawn Green up in the booth talking
Clare: ooh, hiiii chutley
Clare: OH! last night the bartender told me a chutley story
Texas Gal: do tell
Clare: she said she was out with her boyfriend (i forget where, i’m sorry) and chutley and the bat were wherever they were
Clare: and chutley had a spit cup
Texas Gal: YUCK
Clare: which he placed on the girl and her bf’s table!
Clare: she said she was like, “you’re gonna get rid of that, RIGHT?”
Texas Gal: hee!!
Clare: otherwise he was a cool dude
Texas Gal: here’s mine- well not mine, but that i heard
Clare: spill
Texas Gal: know someone who works in the Phils’ front office
Texas Gal: he and his fiance went out with Chase one night after a game
Texas Gal: his fiance called a girl friend to go with them, so Chase wouldn’t be third wheel
Texas Gal: this was before he was married, but it wasn’t a date- just group thing
Texas Gal: so the girl friend shows up, and meets Chase
Texas Gal: and has no idea who he is
Texas Gal: so she asks him, “How do you know [the guy I know]?”
Texas Gal: and Chase DOESN’T say, “I’m the all-star second baseman for the Phillies”
Texas Gal: he just says, “Oh, I work with him”/Clare: “oh, we work together” [Ed. note: We said this simultaneously]
Clare: what a guy
Texas Gal: and later, she says “That guy sure was cute! You should get his number, so I can call him”
Texas Gal: YEAH
Texas Gal: he’s “cute” all right
Texas Gal: so, Chase? He’s cool as shit in my book.
Clare: ah, girls are stupid
Clare: that’s such a good story
Texas Gal: really made me love him
Texas Gal: so humble
Texas Gal: Pat would have been “UHHHHH, I PLAY LEFT FIELD”
Clare: yeah, really
Texas Gal: and then reached over and grabbed her boob
Clare: HAHAHAHAHA
Clare: remember that story i told you about how chutley signed that t-shirt for my co-worker
Texas Gal: yes!
Clare: i found out what the exact quote was
Clare: the girl said she loved chutley so much she’d let him shit on her chest
Clare: so he signed, “dear kelly, i’ll call you the next time i go to taco bell, love, chase utley”
Texas Gal: HAHAHAHAHAH
Texas Gal: HAHAHAHAH
Texas Gal: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Texas Gal: that’s awesome
Texas Gal: burrito lovin
Clare: nice to know he has a sense of humor
Texas Gal: I’m sure he cheats, too
Texas Gal: [sigh]
Clare: so we have a chance!
Clare: buck up lil’ camper!
Texas Gal: we can be the side piece!

Clare: OH my derrick turnbow bobble head came today!
Clare: i love it
Clare: it has real hair sticking out from under the cap
Texas Gal: that’s a little creepy
Texas Gal: is it human hair?
Texas Gal: did they take hair off his head?
Clare: ha ha, no, it’s fake hair
Clare: it’s like wig hair

In the sixth, Delgado homers to left center to make it 2-1. Uh oh.

Texas Gal: AW FRIG
Texas Gal: MOTHER HUBBARD METS
Clare: SONOFABITCH
Clare: carlos delgado, you suck!

After Delgado’s homer, Carlos Ruiz goes to the mound to talk Cole down from the ledge. And then David Wright…well. You’ll see.

Clare: chooch ruiz is half catcher half psychiatrist
Texas Gal: how does chooch concentrate when dwright is in the box, and cole is staring down at him?
Texas Gal: this is why girls don’t play baseball
Clare: yes, good point

Texas Gal: FRIG
Clare: OH SHIT
Texas Gal: DWRIGHT
Texas Gal: FRIGFRIGFRIG
Clare: no, it’s not a homer
Texas Gal: Burrell had to back up Turnpike
Clare: it hit within like eight inches of the top of the wall
Clare: but it is not a homer
Clare: *crosses fingers*
Texas Gal: IT WAS NOT OFF THE YELLOW
Clare: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH FUUUUUUCK
Texas Gal: it hit the verizon sign, not the yellow sign
Clare: CHOLLY GO BACK IN THE DUGOUT
Texas Gal: that was NOT a hr
Clare: here, this is more amusing
Clare: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htQ4gJSQrmg
Texas Gal: this chase clip is genius
Texas Gal: good lord, he is beautiful
Clare: isn’t it cute?
Texas Gal: He’s just lovely.

Texas Gal: Cholly needs to let it go
Texas Gal: he’s gonna get tossed
Texas Gal: and there we go
Clare: you’re not going to get this overturned, cholly
Clare: so just let it go
Texas Gal: The umps can
Texas Gal: ‘t
Texas Gal: THOME
Texas Gal: use the instant replay on the jumbotron to overturn
Clare: ‘bye, cholly
Texas Gal: if they say they didn’t use the jumbotron, they’re lying
Texas Gal: he just can’t let it go
Clare: it hits the wall!
Clare: it hits like six inches from the top of the wall, but it hits the wall!

For some reason, the Comcast Sports Net feed lingers on a shot of Greg Dobbs in the dugout.

Clare: oh hi greg dobbs
Clare: your presence can always soothe me
Texas Gal: yeah- it hit up, then hit the verizon thingie
Texas Gal: i was wrong
Texas Gal: blinded by love

After Delgado’s homer and the contested homer from Wright, Lo Duca launches one into the parking lot.

Clare: OH MY FUCKING GOD [Clare forgets Tex is about 45 seconds behind]
Texas Gal: WHAT
Texas Gal: OH FUCK
Texas Gal: nevermind
Texas Gal: FUCKITYFUCK
Clare: cole.
Clare: come on.
Clare: get your head right.
Clare: do you think they’re going to go to the bullpen?
Clare: i hope not
Texas Gal: depends
Texas Gal: probably yes
Texas Gal: it’s late enough in the game
Clare: well that sucked
Texas Gal: they should give him one more
Texas Gal: the turn of the inning will tell a lot
Texas Gal: if they keep cole in, I think he’ll hang on and calm down
Clare: the Comcast Sports Net guys haven’t said they have anybody up in the bullpen now
Texas Gal: haven’t said that on SNY either
Clare: aha! cole’s going to hit!
Clare: so they’re going to let him stay in
Texas Gal: whew
Clare: two quick strikes, though

Cole goes down swinging.

Clare: aaaaaaaaagggggghhhhhhh
Texas Gal: well shit

Texas Gal: Cole has put on a little weight this season
Texas Gal: like, five pounds
Texas Gal: but he’s filling out a tad
Clare: how can you tell?
Texas Gal: you can see it through his shoulders/chest and thighs.
Texas Gal: he’s hitting the weights a little more, I’d imagine.
Clare: yeah, his shoulders are really broad in the back
Clare: observe
Clare:
Texas Gal: He has a swimmer’s build
Texas Gal: tall
Texas Gal: broad
Texas Gal: thin

Jimy Williams, who’s been managing the Phils since Manuel’s ejection, comes out to argue about Carlos Gomez’ run to first on a wonky bunt; Gomez runs the whole way on the grass.

Clare: oh my god, did jimy williams get bounced too??
Texas Gal: not yet
Texas Gal: i don’t think?
Clare: no, he did not
Texas Gal: they keep replaying the bunt
Texas Gal: 99% of his front foot was outside the box
Clare: on my feed, they showed him running on the grass the whole way
Clare: and cut off the line to 1b
Texas Gal: SNY showed that, too
Texas Gal: they couldn’t decide which jimy was arguing
Texas Gal: the box or the run
Texas Gal: even they’re admitting you’re not allowed to run in the grass
Texas Gal: but saying he didn’t cut off the throw
Clare: freaking carlos gomez
Texas Gal: ZAG warming up in the pen
Clare: i know
Clare: i know

We get into a discussion of Cole’s mechanics.

Texas Gal: Cole’s changeup is gorgeous
Texas Gal: just perfect
Clare: it’s really something
Texas Gal: it only works ’cause his fastball is so devastating
Clare: oh shit, beltran
Clare: oh, i don’t know about that
Clare: the fastball isn’t anything special i don’t think
Clare: it’s the change that’s the special one
Texas Gal: he throws it with awesome accuracy
Texas Gal: in my non specialist opinion
Clare: i don’t know…three of [his fastballs] got rung up in the last inning
Texas Gal: can’t we blame that on chooch?
Clare: ok, well he gets out of a jam in that one
Clare: he’s done
Texas Gal: he does need a haircut something awful
Texas Gal: when it blows in the wind? it’s too long.
Clare: it needs more layers
Clare: it’s too blunt in the back
Texas Gal: maybe he’ll wear it in pigtails
Clare: that’s how i had my hair at the game on saturday
Texas Gal: I really need to rock the pigtails sometime
Texas Gal: or a side pony
Clare: perhaps he’ll go with the bronson arroyo braids
Clare
: he should cut it like this
Clare:
Texas Gal: CURIOUS
Texas Gal: that you would want him to look like Rhett
Texas Gal: COINCIDENTAL
Clare: oh, total coincidence [eyeroll]
Clare: but come on!
Clare: so hoooooootttttt

The conversation devolves briefly into a taxonomy of hot dudes.

Texas Gal: layers = a lot of product = not manly
Texas Gal: I like the rough, jock type
Clare: you sound like my friend k-dizzle
Clare: he likes the bears
Texas Gal: I think you and I would be good prowling partners, because we do not go for the same guys
Clare: i would agree
Texas Gal: Aaron Rowand = perfect
Texas Gal: Paul Konerko = perfect
Texas Gal: Jonathan Papelbon = perfect- but instead of rough, fuckin’ hilarious
Texas Gal: Pat Burrell is hot and jock, but too stuck on himself
Clare: example please
Texas Gal: of?
Clare: konerko
Texas Gal: hold for konerko goodies
Texas Gal: if only I could send them in AIM, silly girl
Clare: you could just email me
Texas Gal: you’re smart!
Texas Gal: i have no common sense sometimes… ok all the time
Texas Gal: just sent you an email

Clare: oh, that last one
Clare: adorable
Texas Gal: I KNOW
Texas Gal: double shot
Texas Gal: of grinder goodness
Clare: ba-zing

Pedro Feliciano comes in and walks Chutley.

Clare: COME ON CHUTLEY
Texas Gal: tying run on
Clare: and the big man’s coming to the plate
Clare: OH MY GOD THEY JUST WALKED TWO ON
Clare: COME ON BACON PANTS
Texas Gal: let’s go baby!
Texas Gal: NERVOUSNESS
Texas Gal: WOW
Texas Gal: that pitch was WAY inside
Texas Gal: and shit
Texas Gal: strike out
Clare: fuck fuckety fuck
Texas Gal: strike 2 was a shit call
Texas Gal: they showed it overhead
Texas Gal: it was inside by 6 inches or more
Clare: i know

Yoel Hernandez comes in in the top of the ninth.

Clare: OH GREAT, yoel hernandez
Texas Gal: he’s fabulous
Texas Gal: fabulously awful
Clare: at least he’s ahead on delgado
Texas Gal: maybe if he had an extra finger
Clare: ba-zing

Texas Gal: CHEESE AND CRACKERS
Texas Gal: we almost had another midfield collision
Texas Gal: be careful, Turnpike
Clare: oh, that’s great, grab your neck fat, yoel
Texas Gal: it helps him concentrate

Clare tries to understand David Wright.

Clare: ok, i’ll tell you what makes d-wright cute
Clare: his nose is always red
Clare: like he’s cold
Clare: that’s cute
Clare: you want to cuddle with him
Texas Gal: yeah… “cuddle” him… exactly
Texas Gal: I definitely want to…. “cuddle” him
Clare: cuddle might not be what you want to do first
Clare: cuddle later
Texas Gal: cuddling is far down the list
Clare: i don’t know…i just don’t see it somehow
Texas Gal: oh, god. He’s gorgeous.
Texas Gal: dark dark hair, beautiful eyes, stunning smile, great ass
Clare: david wright is like looking at one of those magic eye pictures for me
Clare: sometimes i get it but most of the time i’m just squinting
Texas Gal: he’s like a perfect model of what a baseball player should be
Texas Gal: almost too perfect
Texas Gal: and don’t forget the millions and millions of dollars
Clare: yes, the mad scrilla helps

Pat Burrell, hero of the day.

Texas Gal: they’re talking about how wagner and pat hate each other
Clare: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA PAAAAAAAAAAT
Texas Gal: PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS STRIKES AGAIN
Texas Gal: Pat, you are the prettiest princess in all the land
Texas Gal: in related news, SUCK IT Wagner

Texas Gal: gratuitous shot of Turnpike in the dugout… sigh.
Clare: aw, dammit
Clare: i thought for sure chooch was in there at first
Texas Gal: Reyes is unfuckingbelievable
Texas Gal: definitely all-star material

Wes Helms comes in to pinch hit for Cole.

Clare: my god, wes helms’ head is fucking huge
Texas Gal: yes, but his ass is a work of art
Texas Gal: he looks like the bastard cousin of Lieber
Clare: kind of
Texas Gal: bastard in-bred cousin of Lieber?

Clare: WOW, that is a large bulge of dip in wagner’s cheek
Texas Gal: yeah- Wagner likes large bulges
Clare: and a large bulge of bulge in his pants
Clare: it’s impressive
Texas Gal: I need to get your feed for the package view
Texas Gal: SNY doesn’t love the ladies

New guy Mike Zagurski and Antonio Alfonseca both get up to warm up for the bottom of the ninth.

Clare: hey your boy fonzie’s up in the pen
Clare: NO WAY
Clare: zagurski is closing
Texas Gal: hide your cookies and lock away your twinkies
Texas Gal: they just called him “John Kruk”
Clare: that’s ok
Clare: i like the kruker too
Clare: gotta rep for the fat dudes
Clare: if i were a baseball player i’d be built like john kruk, so i can’t hate
Texas Gal: but would you wash your hair?
Clare: sure, i’d wash it…with pennzoil
Texas Gal: also, they said some of Zag’s teammates call him “Doughboy”
Texas Gal: and I call shennanigans
Texas Gal: because that’s false
Clare: they call him bronko
Texas Gal: they said that, too
Texas Gal: which is a GREAT nickname
Texas Gal: Bronko is a cute nickname

Texas Gal: Utley and Chooch gotta hug!
Clare: i missed taht
Clare: that, even
Texas Gal: yeah, he walked out to the mound, and put his arm around chooch all cute-like
Texas Gal: the SNY guys were talking about what a leader he is
Clare: oh, he is precious
Clare: with his spit cup
Clare: and taco bell
Texas Gal: hey, he’s willing to share that dip cup and taco bell shits with others, though!
Clare: hey, you should get me that guy’s number! he’s cute!
Texas Gal: Julio Franco?
Clare: (no, chutley’s number)
Texas Gal: DUH
Texas Gal: sometimes i’m slow

Clare: SRSLY though
Clare: i would love to do corporate communications for the phils
Clare: i kind of did it at my old job
Texas Gal: i would love to do the phils, too!
Clare: “corporate communications” = oral
Texas Gal: i am not kidding when I say this:
Texas Gal: LOL
Texas Gal: ROTFL
Clare: my roommate sent me a text message today that i literally laughed out loud at
Clare: she said “i m going to get ff .5 & .5 this aftrnoon”
Clare: instead of half and half
Clare: i howled
Clare: ooh, speaking of, be right back
Texas Gal: that sounds promising… howl and run
Clare: i thought i forgot to put a gallon of milk in the fridge after i got home but i did not
Clare: whew
Texas Gal: good thing you remembered that now!
Clare: yeah, like thee hours later!
Clare: three, even
Clare: THOME
Texas Gal: everytime I say something dumb or mix up my words, I’m going to yell THOME

Yoel Hernandez takes ‘em down 1-2-3 in the eighth. Color us surprised.

Texas Gal: he got out of the inning
Clare: i know!
Clare: fonzie time
Texas Gal: don’t mess with the six-fingered man
Texas Gal: unless you’re Inigo Montoya
Clare: oh god, they’re showing a graphic about how the phils are 2-5 in extra innings, and the mets are 3-1
Clare: VOMIT
Texas Gal: as Mr. Met would say
Texas Gal: fucken Mets i swear to god
Clare: i got stitches on my face
Clare: and bitches at my place, ya feel me?
Texas Gal: /pretends to type message to internet girlfriend

Clare: J-Roll on first with no outs!!
Texas Gal: SNY guy just said “Afro-American players”
Clare: wow
Clare: that’s some appropriate language there
Texas Gal: JOSE-JOSEJOSEJOSE-JO-OHSE-JO-OHSE… you’re out
Clare: HAAAA

Chutley gets an RBI double, scoring Jimmy Rollins. In a rare unguarded moment, Chutley allows the camera to pick up a look of satisfaction.

Clare: CHASE UTLEY, YOU ARE THE MAN! /Harry Kalas
Texas Gal: boy, is he ever.
Texas Gal: in so many ways.
Clare: OH SNAP they’re walking ry ho
Clare: hey, have they showed the philly fan with the crazy hats down by the mets dugout?
Clare: the comcast feed loves him
Texas Gal: yes- they had those on early in the game
Texas Gal: they said “If they came here tonight to get on TV, they definitely succeeded”
Clare: they’ve been there for the whole series
Clare: good dudes

Bacon Pants gets an RBI single in the tenth.

Clare: ohhhh bacon pants
Clare: make it happen for mama
Texas Gal: good lord, my love for that man knows no bounds
Texas Gal: SAFE!
Clare: mama loves!!! safe at home!!!
Texas Gal: Ribbie for Rowand!
Clare: now it’s your boy! do it again for tex, pat!
Texas Gal: hey, the Bat delivered earlier.
Texas Gal: I mean, I can never have enough Bat
Texas Gal: I love that he blew the save for Wagner
Clare: revenge is delicious
Clare: tastes like…bacon?
Texas Gal: I want to taste bacon… pants
Clare: HOLY FUCKING FUCK
Clare: PAT!
Texas Gal: THE BAT STRIKES AGAIN
Texas Gal: sweet lord in heaven

Clare: can you hear the people yelling “let’s go phillies (clap clap clapclapclap)” on your feed?
Texas Gal: yup
Texas Gal: and the SNY team is talking about how there are a ton of Phil fans there
Texas Gal: like how Cubs fans take over Miller, Phils fans invaded Shea
Clare: harry kalas just said that people are streaming toward the exits
Clare: so it’s going to be really quiet in the bottom of the inning
Texas Gal: perfect time to yell at a Met that he’s a jackass

Greg Dobbs comes in to pinch hit with the bases loaded.

Clare: OOOOH IT’S DOBBS TIME
Clare: greg, just relax and wait for your pitch
Clare: hell, let this dude walk you in!
Clare: oh crappity crap

Greg strikes out swinging.

Texas Gal: 3 runs scored
Clare: i know
Clare: but i would have loved for greg to jack a grand slam
Clare: that would have been sa-weet
Texas Gal: no kidding
Texas Gal: he’s HOT
Texas Gal: I mean…
Texas Gal: he’s a great player!
Clare: i sent that clip of him being interviewed with no shirt on to my friend anne and she says she might have a new phillie crush
Texas Gal: yum
Texas Gal: my
Texas Gal: yum
Texas Gal: my
Clare: humble like chase, hot like cole
Clare: nice

In the bottom of the tenth, Fonzie comes to the hill.

Texas Gal: Let’s go defense!
Texas Gal: Let’s go Fonzie!
Texas Gal
: Zag for the W, Fonzie for the S
Texas Gal: Cole for my pants
Clare: no! pat for your pants, cole for mine
Clare: chutley to share
Texas Gal: you can have Chutley if I get Rowand
Texas Gal: fair deal
Texas Gal: The Bat and Turnpike
Texas Gal: for Coley and Chutley
Clare: can i at least get a nibble of the bacon pants, though?
Texas Gal: if I get a taste of Chutley
Clare: of course
Texas Gal: sold.
Clare: let’s shake hands on it
Texas Gal: Ladies don’t shake hands, Ladies gotta hug!
Clare: i have two california boys
Clare: i knew i should move to LA
Texas Gal: I got… an Arky and a dude from Oregon… WTF?!?
Clare: yeah, but oregon wears pants made of bacon
Texas Gal: Oregon never looked so lovely as in baconpants
Clare: also, tillamook cheddar comes from oregon

Texas Gal: bye bye DWright- thanks for getting out
Clare: hate to see ya leave, love to watch ya walk away, d-wright
Texas Gal: please, just keep walking away, but in slow motion
Clare: then turn around, walk back, lick my face, walk away in slow motion, do it again, bend over
Texas Gal: I’ll have what she’s having

Paul Lo Duca grounds out to third to end the game. Hope he’s got a nice thick helmet, ’cause dude’s getting beaned when the Mets come to Philly on June 29.

Texas Gal: and WHEE Phillies sweep Mets!
Clare: YEAH BOYEE
Texas Gal: The Bat, Chutley, Turnpike, Dobbs (we need a nickname for him), even Coley – smooches all
Texas Gal: (and then three spanks for Coley for the 3 runs)
Clare: oh, i’ll put him over my knee
Texas Gal: he’s too tall for that nonsense
Clare: then he can put me over his
Texas Gal: just have him bend over
Clare: he needs something to brace himself on, ’cause i’m gonna make it hurt.
Texas Gal: don’t injure the poor boy! he’s a special snowflake!
Texas Gal: don’t break him!
Clare
: he is a special and unique snowflake, yes

We reflect on three well-earned notches in the W column.

Clare: aw, zags got his first win! how nice
Texas Gal: and 3 S’s for SixFingers
Clare: OK. this win was good. winning is good. but we have to MAINTAIN THIS MOMENTUM
Texas Gal: I would feel better if Cole got the W
Texas Gal: feel like it would help the rotation with confidence
Texas Gal: but good on Zag
Texas Gal: and good to know the offense came through to save the day
Clare: i think it’s a big lift for the bullpen
Clare: i think they have something to take pride in now
Texas Gal: definitely
Clare: three good performances in three games
Texas Gal: and how great if Fonzie turns out to be a solid closer
Clare: i know!
Clare: every time i see him at the game he makes me smile
Clare: i just love that dude
Texas Gal: he looks like a stuffed animal

41 thoughts on “Two Homers Discuss…: Phillies at Mets, 6/7/07

  1. Meebo.com, Radioman. You can log into all different flavors of IM there and it’s all web based so you don’t have to download anything.

  2. I like how you talked about how you like the players’ hair to be, and then Texy said something about how she was going to rock the pigtails. I love pigtails.

    Rambling.

    Clare, just so you know, I think I’m going with Cole next on VS – when I try to email you, it no work.

  3. An internet-ty delight, that’s what this was. I will now be sorting people as to whether they get “Bacon Pants” or not.

    P.S. How delicious was the breaking up of Schilling’s no-hitter in the ninth yesterday? I mean, unless you’re Gordon Shumway.

  4. THat was hysterical.

    And on a related note, I am a waitress in philly…Chutley can be a bit of an ass…but surprisingly Pat is pretty nice. If you don’t bend over or anything to divert his attention elsewhere.

    And here I thought I was the only one who liked Rowands junk trunk…very nice.

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  6. This weekend, there’s only one baseball team I am committed to…and that’s the Tar Heels. I’m going back to Boshamer tonight to watch UNC kick some Palmetto State ass.

    On a completely unrelated topic…it would be so awesome to hear Michigan State fans chant “THIS…IS…SPARTA!!!” after every touchdown this football season.

  7. I’ve been working all day and just now got around to this. I have been WAITING for it since last night.

    Y’ALL ARE EFFING GENIUSES.

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  9. You had me at tillamook cheddar. That’s some mighty fine cheese. Ask Tex if she’s ever had any Texas-produced cheeses. They’re tits.

  10. This basebalLOL invention has reminded me of a rec league softball team that I saw play, once, when I was nine or ten & on visitation with my father. (Surprisingly, I am a product of divorce. Who would have though?)

    (Don’t answer. It’s rhetoric(al). (I don’t like ending words in “al”. I was told, once, that it is ALWAYS incorrect.))

    The team, though? Buckets of Plegm.

    Please, just don’t tell El Pulpo & his walri brothers of this abuse of their buckets.

    PLZ 2 DIZINFECK MAI BUKET?

  11. Great stuff. The line about Pat Burrell saying “I PLAY LEFT FIELD” killed me because it’s so true. Also, a girl I work with used to party with him and Jason Michaels. The Bat knocked up her sister and denied responsibility. When confronted he claimed to “have beaten seven of these before, so why should I be worried about you”. What a guy. I’ve heard Dobbs called “The Natural” which works for several reasons. Keep up the excellent work, Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go beat up Freddy Garcia.

  12. I think every Phan’s ardent wishes and heartfelt dreams of doing just that broke him and put him on the DL.

    Interesting info on the Bat- and I love the nickname for Dobbs.

  13. That was when I came for a loving time. He waited in the allowing remedy as she and Clare carried the details of jessica simpson music videos up to the clothed women nude men porn bedroom. And you cannot change. I asked. Yes, you’re girlfriend on target, she answered. My bookmarks menacingly fell out of their sockets! See you about 7.’ I hit send, gauging my wetter hairlined print would unequivocally rais me in. I felt the twinge, and told her of the mauve situation. He couldn’t crank Mae. Andrea was swelling at them as she temptingly tried to scarlett johanson audio sex tape them off.

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