Compiling a list of the 25 hottest asses in baseball is harder than it would seem- because, as I quickly learned, every single ballclub has lots of great looking butts… and at least one or two spectacular ones. Some guys help their cause by wearing appropriately close-fitting pants (#1 on the list is a master at this technique) and wearing those pants in the flattering high-cuffed fashion (#3 does this gloriously). But in the end, it’s the ass that matters- no matter what team he’s on or what kind of pants he’s wearing (though I’d urge them all to follow the example of #1 and #3 if they want a little help in the rankings next year).
#15: Xavier Nady
Pittsburgh Pirates, RF
The Buccos are well represented by the beauty that is Xavier’s ass- even though the Cardinals, Padres and Mets should be able to share in at least a little of the glory, since they’ve all been the beneficiary of his lovely assets. He even makes the new red-trimmed unis look hot. Plus, he gets bonus points for having the coolest name of the entire group.
#14: Jimmy Rollins
Philadelphia Phillies, SS
I’m surprised they were able to catch Jimmy’s lovely butt in motion on film, because he’s so damned fast I’d have thought there would just be a blur where his legs should be. The ungodly speed apparently does wonders for his butt, because he’s a solid #14 on the list. Not every man on the list can be a 6-4 220 pound hunk- there’s room to show love to the great butts on the under 6-0 guys, too.
#13: Paul Konerko
Chicago White Sox, 1B
Paulie is the dark horse entrant who came out of nowhere to claim the #13 slot- mostly because I was enthralled while watching his sweet ass at work on the diamond from my seat in the bullpen bar at the Cell a few weeks ago. Paul is the everyman, the boy next door you always had a crush on– who just so happens to be a fantastic ballplayer with a gorgeous butt. South side, indeed.
#12: David Wright
New York Mets, 3B
New York’s Mister Clean also has the sweetest ass in the city, the county and the whole darned state. You hear that, Yankees? Y’all didn’t get a single guy on the list. Once again, the Mets are showing NY who’s boss. I know some people will cry foul that David is at #12, which seems a little low for his… talent level. But it’s good to keep this guy humble- let’s make him work harder to move up in the rankings for next year.
#11: Albert Pujols
St. Louis Cardinals, 1B
St. Louis can blame Alby for the fact that there’s only one Cardinal on the list. That’s because his butt is so amazing, all the other guys on the team pale in comparison. His butt outshines all the rest. Yet another category in which no baseball player wants to be measured against Pujols.