When we announced “The Hot Blogger Bracket: A call to arms. And abs.“, in our wildest dreams we could not have hoped for such a response. Not only were we overwhelmed by the sheer number of you who answered our call, we have been completely swept away by talent in all of the tournament entries.
Quite simply, you guys are amazing.
Now comes the hard part.
Never again will we criticize this NCAA Selection Committee. Ever. This shit is hard. The debates, the crying, the “squees!”, the begging and pleading to be included. It can take a lot out of a Lady. So we’re taking this long weekend rest up and get ready.
GordonShumway is making another bracket, much like the Hottie Bracket we made for the NCAA tourney. Having this much hotness together for a second time will surely melt the WordPress servers.
SA, Metschick, Andrea and myself will finish getting pull-quotes from all of the writing samples. All of us have discovered some well-written blogs that we didn’t know existed until now, and strong words and minds are exciting.
Clare is going to continue to spread the gospel of “bacon pants”, and then edit all of our posts. (Conf. to Clare – I still don’t know what bacon pants are, but I want them. Or want see someone in them. Maybe we can get the winner a pair? -TSW.)
Holly is has gone on vacation after sorting through all the entries, a shell of the woman she once was. Through the babble all we could make out was, “I said ONE picture! One link!”
Texas Gal is off on another trip to yet another baseball stadium. Once she gets back, she is in charge of at least one, “DAY-UM” for each hot blogger vote.
To hold you over until the bracket’s publication, we’ve excerpted the following gems from the applications. All [sic]s implied.
*licking my fingers and running them through my eyebrows*
Ladies…
You mentioned cheating, shenanigans, and ballot-stuffing but left out tomfoolery, which I am a pro at. Is that cool?
I’m in the ladies pool… I hope it’s topless.
I will be your Oral Roberts . . . . Ladies.
I’m your huckleberry– I mean, your Texas A&M Corpus Christi.
And, finally, a use for that bearskin rug, bearskin thong set.
NHL – I don’t even know what that is. I think that’s made up.
I request bonus points for submitting a picture which
features myself and an ACTUAL LIVE FEMALE SPORTSBLOGGER.
We’d have been the guys who got waxed in the tournament play-in game, though. I vote for Ufford anyway — he’s good-looking yet blogger-pale.
i would lay utter waste to the competition (with my only foreseeable competition being Ufford… fucking pretty boy).
Been a Mets fan since I was 7, a Knicks fan since 12, and a Seminole fan since they were the only school to accept a kid with a 2.6 gpa out of high school.
I am also fortunate enough to have blue eyes and once received the comment, I love your bedroom eyes. from a high school teacher.
We may not be the most widely-read blog on the ‘net, but we’re getting a kick out of writing about mediocre football, and all of the sex it’s inevitably going to lead to.
and what I lack in wit and looks I make up for in sexual prowess. Beliee ‘dat.
Fears: Spiders, drowning, being drowned by a spider
Hands: Freakishly smooth for a male
My main goal is simply to break my single day hit record of 12. Be sure to describe me as ambitious during the contest.
We’ll see you next week.
Ladies... 
If anyone wants clearer pics for now…
That desk picture says it all. Let us respect Holly’s privacy in this time of privation. Texy, on the other hand. Gallivanting is what you’re doing. When your sisters need you. For shame.
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Could you at least tell us the #1 seeds?
The anticipation is killing me…
Great, now I have another reason to be afraid of spiders.
As if having eight legs and more eyes then would ever be evolutionarily necessary wasn’t enough, now they can drown you too??!
Yeah, so I’ve just spent the better part of an hour enlarging that picture on photoshop and analyzing why my picture is placed where it is. You’re killing me Smalls!
That picture is outstanding. My favorite part: the fresh mixed drink in with the madness, just above the highlighter. Gin and tonic?
A sincere thanks for your hard work Ladies…
My God, it’s full of bloggers!
Did Paul Shirley enter the contest?
B/c I’m confident that’s his picture on the bottom on the monitor (hands outstretched)…
Analyzing this picture is sort of like a LOST easter egg search.
Good times, good times.
Allow me to quote, at this time, from my original instructions:
“3. You will submit one (1) recent photo, of you, in focus, that gives a good look at your face and any other assets you wish to emphasize, and one (1) link to a post you feel best represents your superiority as a writer.”
ONE PICTURE AND ONE LINK. I EVEN INCLUDED NUMBERS. For the record, I wanted to kick all y’all overcompensating motherfuckers OUT, and was voted down. Let the record show, however, that I hate your asses. *trailing off into incoherent yet vaguely menacing murmuring*
@ Holly: Are you telling me that those of us who followed the instructions and only sent in one picture are not getting any kind of advantage? It’s like you’re practically begging me to send you more pictures.
I have what we in The Business call “ways”. We’ll see.
(Seriously. HATE.)
Oh, and for the record some more, no one contestant is more advantaged than any other by way of having sent multiple photos and/or links. If you sent us five blog posts, for example? One was selected at random and the others were not even looked at. Which is what you get for not being able to read.
Sven – I am glad you liked the picture. Yes, that is my office.
As the Art Directed said as I was putting it together, “That looks like something out of ‘Se7en’.”
(Yes I keep booze at my office. That is my own stash seperate from the main office bar.)
Oh crap. I see not only pictures with kids (genius!). But some dude has a heart and another has an OMG.
I just don’t want to be the 5 seed that gets upset by the 12.
Wow, that’s some hate right there, Holly. Nice.
(Eh, so I overcompensated. I regret nothing….YET.)
And we’re also not as pale a group as I thought.
I’m posting Jack Cobra’s email he send because he said he could not log in to comment –
8:11 am (57 minutes ago)
For some reason I’m unable to leave a comment on your site as my
computer blows. So, here we go:
Kudos to the Ladies….. for their hard work and effort. I’d imagine
that’s what the desk of the next serial killer looks like?
Have a great weekend!
Jack
TSW. Are you always up at 6:10 am on a Saturday?
MDG – 6:10 here is EST, so it was 3:10 PST and I had not yet gone to bed.
Oh man I’m toast. Some of those photos look like Abercrombie ads. Damn Damn Damn!
AA – THE WRITING COUNTS.
That picture is amazing. It’s like Tiger Beat put together a high school yearbook candids section.
Following Vanilla’s lead… I’m worried about the lack of a post-it on my photo. Did you determine I did something that’s equivalent to losing in the first round of my conference tourney?
Holly, don’t get mad mad at me. I only sent two.
I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to do in this tournament, or if I’m going to make it. I would be excited if I managed to get past the first round.
TSW- I just saw the CAUTION PROP COMIC AT WORK tag, making the drink with the lime so much funnier.
yes…found myself. and i think i got a post it that says “mini ponies!”
or “man penis!”
or “my pieces!”
cant really tell
Wait…
tecmo_bowl_bo_jackson is Hines Ward?
I’m just semi-happy to avoid the post it note that looks like it reads “duds” (I think.)
Dads! It says Dads!
And Mini – Ponies.
Two = One? No. No, it does not.
*cough*overcompensatingsportsbloggersineverwouldhaveguessed*cough*
TSW: oh good. Thanks for the clarification.
Holly, hopefully you’ll be able to forgive us someday.
Warning: Lame blogger attempt at trash talking and internet tough guy bravado ahead.
“Hey Tecmo, it says MINI PENIS you needledick!”
;)
A weekend trash-talk thread would be delightful. I’m not kidding. Fight for our pleasure!
I must be on the dads board. I knew even before Holly said it – “You decide who you are and we’ll decide if we like it”. I’m a dad.
Suck it, non-procreators!!!!!!
And that’s Jay who looks like an Abercrombie ad. And he writes for Esquire and has a book deal. So… tremble, fellas.
I did all I could two weeks ago when I sent in my photo and link, so now I’m working on subterfuge and dirty tricks to move myself ahead.
I haven’t quite decided if it’s a good or bad thing that my picture is next to Holly’s drink.
I think that pitcher is blocking my picture. Probably a bad sign, in that “oh my god, that fella…is so ugly and makes me want to drink, and holy shit, his creepy bald head is freaking me out and needs to be obstructed by my sorry, sorry alcoholic crutch.”
If it gets the male blogger population back in your good graces Holly, we’ll start any kind of thread you want. Even though we’ll probably do it incorrectly… let the trash talk begin!
I would consider myself a bit of a dark horse because even though I’m rather light-skinned, I look like Wesley Snipes compared to a lot of those guys. Yikes!
It looks like pictures from a metrosexual convention exploded all over TSW’s computer. You’re not giving away product as the 1st prize are you?
C’mon blogosphere, a vote for Jon is a vote for masculinity!
Assuming I’m actually in. Otherwise strike that comment from the record.
Also, I recently put my submitted picture on Myspace, and one of my best friends quickly responded with “Nice haircut scumbag. So what’s the deal, did you just give up?”
So, yeah. Loving my chances here.
“sorry, sorry alcoholic crutch”?
Leave my drinking alone.
May I be the first to propose a Hot Blogger Bracket Tournament Challenge? (At least I’m assuming I’m the first)
The thought of all of us bloggers filling out our brackets based on which other blogger is hotter makes me laugh.
“Honey, come here a second.”
“Are you still working on your blog?”
“Not right now, but I have to post a story about new Brady Quinn pictures before the end of the day.”
(sigh and eye roll) “What do you need?”
“Which of these two guys are hotter?”
Someone tell Paul Shirley this isn’t a bracket for hottest NBA players… oh right. Sorry about that. No, Paul you’re in the right place.
Jon, half of the pool would pick themselves to win the whole thing and the other half would have themselves going out in the first or second rounds.
It would be a beautiful clusterfuck, if an awkward one.
Jon Pyle, us brown boys gotta stick together. I’m the one in the lower left hand corner… All you Caucasians better watch out! We’ve got you surrounded! And we use first and last names!
I hadn’t been over here yet today, but TSW you have outdone yourself. This is glorious. I am so impressed.
I couldn’t find my picture on your desk, TSW. Should I be worried?
Bacon pants (the concept): Edible pants made of delicious, crispy bacon.
Bacon Pants (the person): Aaron Rowand. Because he’s meaty and delicious.
I started drinking early today; can you tell?
I am a master at “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon Pants”.
Bacon Pants: How police dogs are trained.
Bacon pants sound like they’d chafe something fierce.
And my pic is nowhere to be found, just the way it should be.
No need to damage anyone’s retina…
haha…I would love to know what the post-it next to my face says. I believe there is an arrow under it pointing right at me.
thanks ladies!
Davey – You’re there. Click the Flickr link and see that your shot got lost in the glare.
Mike White – Kinkos accidently cut off your head – as well as a couple others – when I went and printed these all out. Sorry you had to be one of the pics on the desk. (Which I was glad to have, because I was having massive lighting issues and the only other thing I could have put down would have been my white desk blotter that would have made the bounce back even worse.)
Oh right…
Right in between two snazzy gentlemen who are wearing blue.
Mmmm. Bacon. You could wrap a dog turd in bacon, and there’s a 50/50 chance I’d eat it.
I think I see the very edge of my photo in the murderer’s row of “dads”. Which is fine with me. I don’t want to tip off the competition.
I also think someone submitted a photo of Brett Favre, which I don’t think is appropriate or fair.
Wow. Good luck ladies. Should I feel bad that I just spent 15 minutes looking for myself like a Where’s Waldo? adventure? Oh well, gotta like my chances. Although I don’t have a flurry of heart-stickies on my pic, I did get quoted. As long as I am not a 5 seed facing a 12, I’ll be ok.
Extra P,
He couldn’t decide if he wanted to be in the contest until the last minute. But this will probably be his last year.
is it wrong that finding me on the monitor just made my MD weekend?
Win or lose, I’m very pleased with my placement in that photo.
It’s like the Ladies inherently realize that, when things get tough and difficult decisions need to be made, they can just look up and to the left, where the slightly creepy guy with a beard and glasses is offering them a big hug, and know that everything will be alright.
That said…does it make anyone else sad inside to have Holly mad at them? I knew I never should have sent in two (2) links. I just hope she picked the good one.
No post it on my picture. No quote from me in the article. I’m getting on the phone with the NIT right now and accepting their gracious invitation.
I just don’t want to be the 5 seed that gets upset by the 12.
I’d be more worried about a 16 taking out a 1. If I was a betting man I’d place my money on that.
*off to my bookie
Seriously, spiders freak me the fuck out. I can’t help it. And I won’t risk messing up my hands to kill them.
And my picture’s not posted on the wall. I assume that’s for bathroom break availability.
“does it make anyone else sad inside to have Holly mad at them?”
Yes…yes, it does.
Okay, let me see here….
Guys with their kids…check
Multiple shirtless dudes….check
The Unabomber…..check
Short of someone trying to show off their ass-ets in baseball pants sending in a photo, I think all the groups are represented. Well done fellas!
Just know though that if this were a radio broadcasting contest, I’d kick all your asses!
dammit. baseball pants, great idea… why oh why did i not dig up a photo from my years as a DIII 2nd baseman?
okay, okay, dIII *backup* second baseman
My photo on the wall is ridiculously close to her crack.
“does it make anyone else sad inside to have Holly mad at them?”
It should make you scared is what it should do.
+1 Clare, and +5 everyone else for not bringing up the stabbing thing. (Yet.)
*quietly locks the deadbolt and peers through the curtains*
OMDQ – It makes me a little sad inside that I followed her instructions to the letter within 15 seconds of getting the email invite. I obviously crave approval far too much.
“Kinkos accidentally cut off your head”
I was wondering about that red stain on my couch. And why I could watch myself walking around aimlessly. I smell a lawsuit.
Wait… so Mike doesn’t look like Roy Williams? I am so confused.
When I check out the flickr photos, I just keep coming back to the pie.
Extra P:
Look closely at that picture, to the left. I actually look like Steve Robinson.
I’m also noticing that Satan has his picture at the bottom center of the monitor and what appears to be a sticky that says KSK on it. Kissing Suzy Kolber or Kneel at Satan’s Kingdom?
KSK= Kick Satan’s Krotch.
*sleeping with one eye open*
OMDQ – yes, I don’t care to have Holly angry at me. Fear of that is a good motivator.
did naked guy send in a panoramic picture that is tucked under your keyboard? if so, which part gets posted on the bracket?
I just realized two of the quotes are mine. Hot damn, I’m funnier than my mom told me. Then I also realized my photo is below a Post-it that apparently says, “Duds” and the dude with the giant heart Post-it probably has a leg up. I have a third leg up. Thank you.
Heart post-it is Will from Deadspin. His power to hand the ladies… 3,000 hits at the swipe of a keyboard probably gets him in solid.
Burnsy, it says “Dads,” you doof. We are not labeling any of you fine gentlemen as “duds.”
Really? Can you label Ronnie Belliard as a “dud” because he’s F-ing dead to me.
Jesus, is my handwriting really that bad?
I made the wall! In retrospect it seems I should have had wispier hair though. Lessons learned…
TSW. I will indeed suck up to all 8 ladies. But Andie just happened to be the first interview by Pyle.
Lady Andrea: “We are not labeling any of you fine gentlemen as “duds.”
Obviously you don’t know some of us.
Good thing I was wearing my ‘me faltan dos pa’ un trio’ shirt when I sent in my picture, that always wins over the ladies.
If anyone of them speak Spanish..that is. And if you speak Spanish, you win.
I’m pretty sure MetsChick speaks Spanish… & even if nobody else does, that slogan translates pretty easily — you’re here for the orgy. & there’s nothing wrong with that.
Ladies…?
No photo on the wall, and I sent multiple links because I’m clearly a moron. I’ve got the sneaking suspicion this will end as well as a Bill Simmons column for me…
All this endless, playful banter leading up to what’s more than likely going to be a humiliating and embarrassing experience for me. Are we sure this isn’t foreplay?
i’m worried on two accounts:
1. my submitted picture isn’t big enough
2. my submitted picture isn’t an artistic nude
Doobie, there’s about 62 of us in the same boat.
Doobie, it may be more akin to blue balls.
Wait…for which two bloggers WON’T this be a humiliating experience for?
Damn. I used “for” twice. I hope that doesn’t count against me.
I used “for” twice
Next time, simplify. Use “eight” once.
Allow myself to introduce…myself…
Everyone needs to stop worrying already. You showed up to the ball, what makes you think we wouldn’t want to dance?
(Whatever that means. I was out too late last night playing poker.)
Because we came dressed as pumpkins?
I came dressed as a blumpkin. Icky.
there was a ball…? shit
NunesMagician:
WHO…DOES…NUMBER…TWO…WORK…FOR!!!
I would have totally entered, but I don’t have a sports blog, I’m not a pretty boy, and I only like to be judged harshly in private.
You Ladies… are to be commended for the amount of work you’re putting into this. Bravo!
God damnit. I think I’m with you guys on that HATE list. Why couldn’t I just read the instructions for once?
+2 for getting “blumpkin” mentioned on this blog… on Memorial Day, no less.
An additional + if you can get blumpkin hyperlinked as a tag.
I think i might have seen my forehead somewhere in the lefthand corner…but i’m not too confident…
Hey, I finally found myself under the space bar.
I have no idea what that means.
I’m worried that I’m nowhere on there. I’m not surprised, but worried.
I’m voting for both Shorty and Ted, because they gave me content for my blog while I was out Gallivanting – Texy-style.
Rupert: Reading the instructions is not the problem. It’s convincing yourself to actually follow the instructions that’s hard. It’s tempting you like “DO NOT PUSH THIS BUTTON.”
@ Disco Stu
It’s the name of my blog. I use it as much as a person uses “the”. There may be no better word.
I was wearing my ‘me faltan dos pa’ un trio’ shirt when I sent in my picture, that always wins over the ladies.
I saw that and I loved that shirt! I’m a big fan of shirts like that (I have several from Latin Laundry: “Cojelo con take it easy”, “Single, bilingual, & Ready to mingle” – which I’ve never actually worn – “I speak Spanglish), and I must add that one to my collection.
It says, “Holly said so” next to my picture. I believe that means that only one of the Ladies… found me attractive. Wicked.
At least it’s not “Holly said no”.
Especially if that was the 12th picture you sent her.
More than one Lady liked you, Sean. That just happened to be the picture that Holly selected out of the multiples that you sent in. Hence the post it.
I never thought I’d come to a point in my life where I was explaining post it notes…
After reading the comments, I now feel bad I sent in multiple posts and two pictures. I wasn’t overcompensating, I really couldn’t choose my best post. I like them all.
ps – any guy that sent in a shirtless picture should be disqualified on principle. come on, that’s stupid.
screw the brackets, can we just make this a dating service?
Becky you looking? There are some fine contenders in there, you just need to weed out the married ones.
(Or date the married ones. I don’t judge.)
Ladies… Sports Blogger Madams. Helping pasty white dudes get out of the basement since 2007.
Luckily, I opted out of this endeavor. I did not want to upset any Ladies… stomachs (with my writing of course, it’s Charles Nelson Reilly horrible).
Oooh, and he’s dead. That is bad
wah wah wah. “I couldn’t choose one picture! I am so OVERWHELMINGLY ATTRACTIVE that one photo is not enough to convey my surpassing radiance!”
Uh oh. Someone woke up stabby.
(Runs and hides…)
Guys, please, let’s not look so insecure all at once. Take turns or something.
+1 MCB
Holly, don’t forget:
“aw boo friggin’ hoo! I can;t provide just ONE LINK! It’s not a reflection of my true journalistic Prowess.”
We peomise we will follw the rulles next Time. If there is a next time…
/looks out the window frantically, closes curtains at record speed, pre-emptively performs ritualistic sacrifice of a squirrel from the backyard in hope of pleasing the gods
If there is a this time, Mike.
MCBias – I tried to reserve alternating Thursdays for my self-esteem breakdowns, but Holly told me that was your day.
I’m not worried about the looks thing. I know where I rank there. (Above you schmucks). It’s the writing that will kill me.
Wow. That’s the last time I try to post a comment after J-School class.
I’ve stopped reading the comments entirely on these posts and I just scroll quickly through the times they were posted.
My Favorite so far…..4:43 AM Est.
stn just got called out
When your physical, linguistic and comedic attributes are all being concurrently judged by a panel of women you’ve never met…it’s never to early in the morning to see where you stand.
No No….not calling anyone out. Hell, I had one at 2am on the last post. I think it just bring back into question how much power women actually have.
Plus S2N is in Mountain Time, so he gets some leeway.
Metschick,
Yeah I have a ton of them from my time in Madrid. I was living there as an English teacher and will move back in a year to open up my own English Academy. The ‘Rastro’ flea market in Madrid has so many of those shirts, they crack me up. People always ask me what ‘Me faltan dos pa’ un trio’ means and I just make stuff up.
Only in a close second are shirts that are in English in foreign countries that are grammatically incorrect.
AA, wasn’t calling you out for calling anyone out. Thought it was pretty funny actually. Hell, I actually had to go back and check and see if it was me…
“Luckily, I opted out of this endeavor”
What? And pass up an opportunity to surreptitiously plug your website?
Sincerely,
Doobie
The Spoked B (http://spokedb.com)
“Bruins Slap Shots from the Jersey Blue Line”©
it has been a sad little dry spell.
thankfully though, not yet “date a married dude” sad.
Becky, did you just tell 90 guys about a dry spell?
“You’re braver than I thought.”
hey becky…i’m like pretty tall n stuff
When you hit “flirt obnoxiously with a married dude even though it would never go beyond steamy emails or any chance of me showing up unannounced at his house with a gun like Amy Fisher” sad, you know where to reach me.
I’m kidding. I love my wife. Besides, open philandering on a website run by women can easily drop me several seeds in the tournament. Even worse, I may get dumped altogether and wind up on some sort of NIT invitational women’s sports blog.
Ah, that witty Extra P., got me again. The man’s got progeny. How can I compete with that? I’ll just have to take a long road trip this Thursday to console myself and build up my flagging self-esteem. You know the type of trip I’m talking about, right Extra P.? The type us single guys can take at a drop of a hat, but married people can’t do without 4 weeks of planning and crying children?
But of course, I’d never, ever openly mock a progenitor whose descendants may be changing my sheets at the nursing home someday. Start the contest already, so I can mock bloggers who I don’t appreciate as much as EP.
I don’t know, my son is pretty selfish.
I’ll bet you get to set the thermostat where you want it and take naps in the middle of the day, too. I despise you.
So I come back from a lost weekend to find I’ve got a cameo in the latest Lost easter egg hunt. (I’m taped on the monitor, upper left corner.) And no visible dart marks, spit, or other unidentifiable substances on my photo. So far, so good.
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Oh man. I don’t have a sticky note. I feel so left out.
Whatever. I’m still the only one wearing seersucker. And certainly the only one willing to make a mint julep as a bribe.
Is there going to be a play-in game for that 64th spot?
Don’t worry holydogwater, just remember what your mom always told you growing up — ladies like you, ladies like you, ladies like you! DAMN YOU CHESS CLUB!!!!!!!!