Morning, kids! I hope you’re all taking advantage of National Bike to Work Day
to get some exercise, get some fresh air (check local listings), and to get tested for steroids as soon as you walk in the door. You can’t be too careful with those cyclists… that’s why I sometimes bump them with my car. Share the road, my ass.
On to the hotness…
Ladies’ favorite David Wright came in as a pinch-hitter and left with an RBI during the Met’s amazin’ 5-run ninth inning as they beat the Cubs 6-5. Chicago manager Lou Piniella was immediately wrapped in a blanket, shoved to the ground, and doused liberally with water to prevent him from combusting. Remember kids, only you can prevent forest fires.
The Mets enter this weekend’s Subway Series against the struggling Yankees, whose only recent highlight is catcher Jorge Posada’s 12-game hitting streak. To celebrate, his father Papa Mouskewitz gave him a new hat. And not just any new hat. A new hat that has been in the family for three generations. Don’t worry, Jorge. You’ll grow into it.
|Houston Astros second baseman Craig Biggio is closing in on a record of his own. Yes, Biggio—who still looks like Opie Taylor even though he’s got to be damn close to 70 by now. Dude’s like the fucking Highlander—is only four plunkings away from being the player hit by the most pitches in his career. I can’t decide whether to cheer for this or not..but thankfully, there’s a blog dedicated to those of you who will.|
|Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer wants to sell you his wiener. He’s currently endorsing hot dogs under the tagline “Go Long-er”. Uh-huh, that’s what she said. And it just gets worse if you visit the company’s website. They promise “bigger links, bigger taste” and that “you can trust you’ll love it.” I heard those same lines on my last date. Carson, I hope whatever they paid you was worth having your face linked with the phrase “It’s Bigger Than the Bun”. That’s what sh–oh, forget it.|
My work here is done. Happy Friday!