What can I possibly say about the Marlins as an intro? They’ve been around for like a day and have already won two World Series. In that same span of time, my Mets have won none. Boo.
In between celebrating World championships, however, there have been some god-awful teams down in Miami. While this year’s team might not be god-awful (although, they were just swept by the Nationals), they’re just not very good.
And they’re kind of ugly. There, I said it. The Marlins are sorely lacking the Hottness. (Sorry, Marlins fan.)
Don’t know why I’m apologizing. There are more
people in my house right now than shown in this picture.
As hot as the Oakland A’s are, the Marlins are the exact opposite. They are U-G-L-Y (you ain’t got no alibi, and all that).
But they do have one or two gems among the muck. Join me as I showcase them.
Here we have Sergio Mitre. (The placement of that pen is quite unfortunate, but I think he looks cute here.) He came to the Marlins from the Cubs. And that’s all I know about him. Why is he cute? He has a nice face, a good mouth, I like his hair and he has a great mouth. (Disclaimer: he now looks totally different with longer hair and a goatee.)
The only thing is that the kid behind him is creeping me the fuck out, so let’s move on, mm-kay?
This here’s Josh Willingham. He’s an okay looking guy, but after looking at guys like Renyel Pinto and Alfredo Amezaga, okay starts to look like gorgeous. And he does have nice forearms. And I’m a sucker for nice forearms.
I know some probably find Miguel Cabrera attractive. I’m just not one of them. I think he’s gotten too big for his britches. Yeah, he’s talented as all get out, but he just has this smug ass air about him.
But he could totally get it. Especially if he looks at me with that look he has in that picture. The hate sex would be stupendous.
Dammit – are there no cameras in southern Florida? It took me forever to find one decent picture of Mike Jacobs. I don’t know if it’s residual feelings from when he was a Met (4 HRs in 4 games, dudes!), but I still carry a torch for Mr. Jacobs.
And my favorite Marlin hottie is:
He’s so cute. Need I say more?
And he’s a fan on the eye black! Rock on, Aaron, rock on.
Boone’s good looks almost make up for the fact that the rest of his teammates are fug.
And how could I forget the New Hotness: Billy the Marlin. Smokin’.
And for the guys:
And don’t get used to it. (This goes out to MattMillenFanClub.)