|TOUCHDOWN: Brett Myers
One day you win the starting spot, another day you’re relegated to the bullpen, and yet another you get a save in your first outing as the closer. Suck on that, Tom Gordon. You, too, Giants. Especially that one Giants fan screaming “Myers sucks” for the whole ninth inning. At least be original- there’s a lot of potential there.
[The 700 Level]
|HOLDING: Astros Front Office
Fact:baseball players look exponentially hotter when wearing their pants the right way (a.k.a. high-cuffed). Why then does the Astros’ front office prohibit all their minor leaguers from wearing their pants the right way? Are they trying to reduce the number of groupies hanging around? Stop the madness, Astros.
|TIMEOUT: Really Long Heckle Guy
No, seriously- time out. Sit down and keep your piehole shut, unless and until you can cut down the excess verbiage… or until you can manage a more coherent rant. Unless you’re hot- in which case, take off your shirt.
[Strike Zones and End Zones]
|PERSONAL FOUL: Tom Brady
The great sperminator, the savior of the Northeast, the face of Boston and all of New England – wears a Yankees cap? Oh, Tom, how could you. That’s like ditching a girl shortly after you get her pregnant, and then moving on to a supermodel.
|ILLEGAL MOTION: Mets Front Office
So you’re the Mets. A spectator gets arrested at Shea for shining a flashlight in the eyes of players, and receives jail time and a 3-year ban. What’s your next move? Well, you give away 25,000 flashlights to fans, of course! Makes perfect sense.
[Our Book Of Scrap]